My boyfriend asked me 2 days ago to get an abortion he tried and tried to get me to have one and I wouldn't budge, I think its murder and im strong in my beliefs of that. Yesterday I went to my home town to see my family and get some advice from them and I tried to see things from his point of view but I just got angry at him. He came there that night because I had no intentions of coming home. I told him I wasnt going to get one and he could either accept that and be there for me or I would move out and do it on my own. He wasnt happy about that but I think he accepted my decision. Now i'm home and I was just laying in bed with him and he started rubbing my stomach and I got so angry with him, I dont see how he can want me to kill it yet he wants to comfort me and the baby and act like he cares. Am I ever going to stop resenting him for wanting me to kill our child? How do you get over something like this?
2006-08-10 15:44:53 · 22 answers · asked by instilleddistress 3 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
First of all, congratulations on your pregnancy. Even if it was not intended, it is obvious that you are already preparing to be a loving mother.
Also, being pregnant makes you very emotional. Your hormones are working doubletime and things that normally wouldn't get to you can become a major crisis.
I think that the way you feel about your boyfriend right now just needs some time. I think you will get over it. He was probably just in a bit of shock when he found out, and felt scared about parenthood. He probably takes it seriously and was afraid he wasn't ready for it. He needs some time to deal with this too.
I commend you for your strong convictions about abortion and I'm glad you are making the choice that you are.
I really think that things will work out for you and your baby and even your boyfriend. I think time will actually help heal this one.
Best of luck, thoughts and prayers are with you!
2006-08-10 15:54:16 · answer #1 · answered by lorgurus 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Was he great before hand? Does he otherwise like or dislike children? He might actually have wished to never have children ever in his life. Do you want more children later? If you do, then you have some serious talking and decision making to do. If you don't then, maybe he can have surgery to not get you pregnant again. It could just be that he didn't want to father, but loves you enough to make the sacrifice. You'll have a much better life being with someone that loves you more than you love him. At this point, i don't think we have enough information to really help and i'm also not sure if you do. Wait a week or two and have a serious and open discussion with him tell him how you feel and let him tell you how he feels.
Maybe he felt the world is a terrible place for raisng children and didn't want to suffer a child, but given the circumstances now wants to make sure the child has the best possible life. Anyway, I hope things turn out well for you.
2006-08-10 23:10:33 · answer #2 · answered by tyreanpurple 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't abort. The repercussions will stay with you for a looong loong time. A lot of people don't acknowledge that, but if you're heart is not at peace with it, you will be someone who will have a hard time forgiving yourself. Trust your heart and your instincts. (I'm speaking from experience, having had one myself). I think in time you may be able to forgive him. Tell him how you feel and that you are resenting him for pushing you. Let him know that you "need" for him to leave it alone so that you can get over that resentment. Meanwhile, Trust and Believe that the minute your baby comes, you will find Joy that over-rides all the other feelings. Also, keep in mind, that your feelings are magnified 100% because of your changing hormones!! Good luck! I'm praying for you. nesschapman@yahoo.com if you need to talk!
2006-08-10 22:56:32 · answer #3 · answered by If u're a kid, dont answer 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hopefully, he just said that b/c he is scared. I don't know how old you are, so that may be an issue. However, it will always be at the back of your mind. I do hope you two can work things out. When I was pregnant, my boyfriend initially asked me "if I wanted to do this." I told him there was no way in hell I would abort our baby. He asked me again when I was still in the 1st trimester. He said he wanted me to be sure before it was too late. Now, he adores our daughter. He said to me that he can't believe that he even suggested an abortion. It is something I will never forget though.
2006-08-10 22:55:30 · answer #4 · answered by MD2B 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If it was an unplanned pregnany he is just reacting to the news. The two of you need to talk calmly about this. You should have talked about this BEFORE you had intercourse. Did you?
If you don't believe in abortions, DON"T have one. No matter what he wants.
But if he doesn't want to be a dad, you can't make him a good father. So don't expect it.
Maybe he's just scared. If you are firm on NOT aborting, give him some time to adjust. What will it hurt?
Either way, it will be both your responsibilities. Even if one of you don't WANT to be a parent, you will be legally finacially responsible for the baby (regardless of who gets custody).
2006-08-10 22:56:16 · answer #5 · answered by Yinzer from Sixburgh 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If I were you, I would break things off with him until after the birth. When a guy feels so strongly about killing his own kid one day and wants to be back with you the next........all signs point to hes got another plan to get rid of the baby. He may hit you in the stomach or sneak some type of medication in your drink...seriously........please get out of it. If he loves you, he will wait. Stay away from this guy...the baby deserves it. What would you do if he did hurt you or the baby and you had to live the rest of your life knowing you could have stopped it? Wise up. Ive been there.....and I left.
2006-08-10 22:53:32 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
My dear, if he wanted you to get an abortion and then he begins rubbing your stomach, he has SERIOUS problems. I fear for you. I believe he will do the abortion himself while you are asleep. If you truly do not believe in abortion, do not get your baby aborted. Your baby is yours, as a mother you should take care of it. Imagine raising this child, and he reaches the age of 8. Imagine you never had this child. Imagine you aborted it. What I am trying to say is that you can experience a LOT of love and joy with this child. I commend your decision on not aborting your child. Your boyfriend is irresponsible, so leave him. Maternal instincts are stronger than your desire for sexual love. I sincerely feel that your choice on keeping the baby is very noble. I hope you success with your baby in the future. If, in fact, he leaves you: I suggest you live with your parents and have your mother/grandmother take care of your child as you go to school or work. Remember, there is life as a single mother!
May Oprah be with you!
2006-08-10 22:51:48 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
That's a tough one, you're just living together so, after the baby comes if he doesn't shape up, or you cannot find it in yourself to forgive him then move on. Remember you are really hormonal right now and shouldn't make any hasty decissions about your relationship with him. Sounds like he's trying to patch things up with you. bringing up a kid is a big responsibility and he was probably just really freaked out. He's got time to get accustomed to the situation and remember he doesn't have maternal instincts, he may not really bond with the baby until it is born. my husband was so afraid of my daughter that he hardly had anything to do with her care until she was 2. now she OWNS him!
2006-08-10 22:57:42 · answer #8 · answered by andrea b 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i am sooo happy u decided to keep ur baby and i agree it is murder. i understan u being upset with ur boyfriend and all but what was his reason, if there is really one. i think as long as he is serious about excepting the child u should get over ur feeling and u 2 enjoy the fact of a miracle is arriving in the world, concentrate on each other and the baby for now and be happy.
2006-08-10 22:55:30 · answer #9 · answered by kimnnano 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How far along in the pregnancy are you? Girl don't blame yourself and don't get an abortion because he wants you to. It takes 2 to tangle and if he wasn't ready he shouldn't have never laid down with you. Look you have to move on and be the best mother u can be it may get hard but it will be hard but at the end it is worth it. Good Luck!!!
2006-08-10 22:55:11 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋