Am I making the right choice? What do you do? Going through divorce.?

Question

What do you do when you know you love someone a lot but you know the person is not right for you, your life became worse with big problems in marriage, all of your family member thinks it's better off to be alone and meet someone else, and also when I ask stranger, most people tell me it's better off ending the relationship. I am a very forgivable person. I love him but I know it should end. What do you do? I am separated and all I have to do is ask for divorce. But yet, I don't know if I am making the right choice. Why don't I see what everyone is saying about him? Why do I feel he really loved me, just made mistake, just didn't do what he was supposed to do? Why don't I hate him like my family members and other people say I should? Why do you think I feel like this?

Answer 1

WHAT? IF you had any doubts when you got married, you shouldnt have gotten married. If he isnt commited to you there is nothing you can do, move on.

Answer 2

Only you can tell if he really loved you or not. Everyone is capable of mistakes and sometimes a person will make more than one mistake before they actually do learn. I've known people to make many mistakes but they really do learn from them eventually. Its a good thing that you are forgiving. That makes you a good person and that says that you are willing to accept someone else's flaws. You need to do what makes you happy. If being with this person makes you happy then that is your decision. You will know when to draw the line when you feel that too many mistakes have been made. When you really feel that its time for the relationship to end then you will gain the strength to go through with it but something in your heart is forgiving him and its wise to follow your heart.

Answer 3

Just knowing that someone isn't right for you logically doesn't magically take away the love you feel for them. I have the same problem and deal with it daily. My boyfriend of 4 years (I have been divorced for 5 years) is probably not the best choice for me, but I truly love him and enjoy his company so much. He is not always dependable, drinks too much sometimes and has admitted to cheating on me. My friends don't understand how I could continue to forgive this man, but the truth is , the good still outweighs the bad. I believe that he loves me, he shows me in lots of ways, we agree about most everything important and have a lot of fun talking and having sex, of course. But don't get me wrong, our relationship is much more than sex. We didn't have sex for months after he told me about a drunken night when he was with another woman, but we still talked every day and he was patient and loving. Now we are lovers again and although I can't really trust him completely, I still love him completely and can't imagine not having him in my life. You sound like you might be an incurable romantic, like me. Do what really makes you happy. Does he? If so, don't worry about what everyone says. Just be sure that you aren't with him for some other reason. Fear of being alone? Insecurity? Sex?

Answer 4

I can see your not ready to ask for a divorce, cause if you were you wouldn't have doubts about it. Only you know the real him, and what you both had. Maybe you both need to go somewhere and talk, find out his thoughts about what he wants and see if he feels the same as you do. Stop listening to what others say, stop and listen to your heart, you only live once and if you go through with the divorce without thinking it through, you might be making the biggest mistake of your life! But girl i don't know all the details, if he's treating you bad and being abuseive towards you, then girl i think your better off without him! well good luck!

Answer 5

Deciding for yourself is a very difficult task especially when all others are against of what you´re going to choose. It´s not a matter of asking how many people you could ask about this, it´s a matter of asking yourself how well is your relationship going that you still need to keep it or not. I know you´re in the middle of giving up and holding on, but if you see that your marriage is not working anyore and you´ve been separated already, just ask for a divorce. You will be able to move on you´ll see. I know you love him but think about yourself, you´ve loved him enough so give yourself some. You probably feel like that because you love him so such that you keep on holding or it could also be he´s holding on you and he doesn´t want to let go.

Answer 6

Because you are emotionally involved, while your family and friends are not. Divorce is not something that is easy, unless the realationship has detoriated to a point that you cannot physically and mentally handle it. Personally, I had to seek professional help (for the marriage) before I realized that our realationship was better off being ended. My wife refused to attend, and so I attended alone. Once I made that decsion, everything else feel into place. I felt a large weight lift off of my shoulders, and my heart started healing.

Answer 7

Stop asking strangers what you should do with your life. They don't know you or your situation.

For now stop going forward with the divorce and get a couple sessions in therapy with or without your husband. You need to make some practical life-changing decisions and it's seems you can't do that by yourself right now.

Answer 8

very simply, because u love him. u can't always "think" w/ ur mind... u are feeling w/ ur heart. what u need to do is Think with your Heart. that way, u are getting the best of both worlds. logically u need someone better, who treats u better. emotionally, u love him and want him to change. put it together, and u learn to be compassionate, yet smart:

u love him. that's not the problem that's why u married him. the problem is he is not taking care of u, growing with you, making ur life positive. that is not a healthy relationship. regardless if u love him or not..... even if he loves u, if he can't do what he needs to do in order to satisfy you, and make your relationship *better*, then he's simply not the right one for you. that's it. there's no if, ands or buts; he's had his chance, and i'm sure u've given him MANY chances to change. but he hasn't. it's not because there isn't love... but because he is either not willing, or not able, to do what is right. to be a man and take care of his wife. that is something that you NEED in a husband, a man who is capable and knows how, or at least is willing to learn, whatever it takes to make this marriage work. God knows u've tried! and ur committed! it's not like u are selfish and are treating him like crap, and ur expecting him to be perfect. no. u are a good wife, and good woman, and there's nothing wrong w/ expecting a good husband, a good man. someone who is worthy enough to do what's best for you and the family. because you yourself are worthy enough for the best kind of man. keep ur expecations for urself, ur husband, and ur family high, and continue to work on it, so that u will never settle for less. if u have to, take time to work on urself and ur confidence, and make sure you KNOW you are a wonderful, smart, loving, kind and strong woman. that way, when u talk to ur husband, u will let him know what exactly it is You need from him. and if he's willing to try to change, then go for it. but if he is not, or doesnt know how, then u need to find someone who does.

don't let this situation make u feel less of a woman.. u should actually be Proud of urself, for sticking by ur husband this long, even tho he has treated u horribly! he has not done his part of the bargain, he has not kept vows he had made, of taking care of u thru sickness and in health. in making u positive, happy, and secure. so u have not failed; he has. and i know u probably don't even hate him, u just don't undersand him. and if he won't let u help him, then u have to let him go, and find something that WILL make him change. and u need to let him go, so that you can find someone who will take care of you. it is worth it to seek what u truly deserve, because u are a good person. take care, and good luck. ALWAYS search for positive, healthy things in ur life, and u will be surrounded with love and support~

Answer 9

I am not sure I will be able to answer your question I recently found out my husband has been cheating. I have tried o hate him but I still love him. The more I hear the more I want to kick his butt out but something inside tells me we can get through this. Have you tried counseling? You have to trust your heart no one else is in this predicament but you there opinions may be asked but the decision is yours. Do whats best for you not what everyone wants you to do.

Answer 10

your family members and everyone else does not feel what you do. they do not have your heart. they are not in love with this man. so this is a decision you have to make for yourself. i don't know the whole situation, but you have to ask yourself if you still love him. but at the same time you have to take care of yourself too.

Answer 11

if everyone around you is tell you that there is something wrong with this guy, they definately know what's going on. This guy is putting up a front for your benefit only. he makes you believe that all his BS is exactly the way you want to to be. he's a dirtball. you feel like that because of his lies. if he ever decided to tell you the truth, you'd see exactly what everyone else sees.