My Husband And I Haven't Had Sex In Over A Month And Every Time That I Try To Start Something He Says Tomorrow

Question

My Husband And I Had A Baby A Year Ago And He Really Didn't Want The Baby First She Was A Surprise. So Now We Barley Ever Have Sex Because He Is Scared That I Will End Up Pregnant Again. I Am Using Protection And Even When We Rarley Do HAve Sex We even UseCondoms Since This YearAlone We Have HadSex Like Four Times I Dont Know What To do Because I want to have sex it bothers me that he can refuse my needs and roll over on his side of the bed at night and just go to bed even though he knows i wanted some attention

Answer 1

well someone is gettin something from somewhere

Answer 2

Few possibilities:

A. My first guest is that he's cheating. If he hasn't already then he's thinking about it.

B. It's sad but for whatever reason he doesn't see you as desirable, it could be that he's turned off by you physically- have your body changed drastically since you had the baby? I know silly question huh, of course it has, but what I meant was have you gained a lot of weight because of it? If yes, maybe there's something you could do about that, like change your diet and exercise. I mean, afterall it's been a year since you had the baby right? That should be enough time to work on it. The thing is I find so many women stop taking care of themselves once they have a baby- their excuse is that taking care of a baby takes time & energy & everything else just takes a back seat. Well guess what, I think it's your responsibility too to make yourself stay (physically) attractive to your husband... what good is it having a baby if your relship with your hub is down the drain b/c he's not physically attracted to you anymore? Remember men are visual creature- and have you seen your competition? There will always be a prettier and a younger woman out there- I don't care how shallow I sound right now but girl, you need to maintain if you haven't already- just to minizime the chance your hub cheating on you- it might not prevent them from cheating but at least it'll make them think twice. Well anyway, this is just my theory. I apologize if I'm wrong.

C. Another thing is this: ask yourself if you & your hub have been having problems lately. And sounds like you guys do- seems like you have communication problems with him. Have you talked to him about how much his refusals hurt your feelings? Plus, are you sure sex is the only problem you have right now? Have you guys been fighting lately, is there any control issue? Money issues? Any unresolved disagreements could led to your spouse being unsatisfied emotionally and he might be hurt or something and unable to perform (with you). Seriously, guys who are emotionally distraught or depressed cannot get it up- that is just a fact.

D. If you absolutely sure that B & C do not apply to you, then I am absolutely certain that A is the answer and there is absolutely nothing wrong you- it's him.

Answer 3

That's completely ridiculous! I'm so sorry that he is being such a jerk about this.

I am wondering if it isn't something more than being concerned about getting you pregnant again. The reason why, is because he is having sex with you, but not that often. Well, why isn't he scared to death when the two of you do have sex then? The worry should be the same. I have no idea what the other something could be...maybe he is angry with you about something much deeper....maybe he is troubled about something at work...or maybe he has some sort of a sexual problem.

I mean, what did he do..marry you so he could become celibate? You have every right to be upset. You know what? This may be some sort of control thing..have you thought of that? People do all sorts of things to control people...I don't know though. Good luck to you!

Answer 4

Tell him tomorrow was yesterday and the time is now. If he still refuses you had better make your point clear that you are not happy with the situation as it is. Maybe he has a dysfunction and is ashamed or embarrassed to tell you about it. The worst case scenario is what the first answerer said. Watch his behavior and habits. If he has time that is unaccounted for then I would start playing with the idea of him getting from another. It sounds as if he's just using the excuse of not wanting another baby so he doesn't have to have sex with you. Good luck and I hope things work out for you.

Answer 5

Let's not jump the gun here, everybody. Look at what we have to work with here. We've got what could quite possibly be a "Surprise Pregnancy. UNPLANNED, unexpected. Let's not "Freak" her out with "He's CHEATING!" We have no evidence of that. Now, if it would have been ME that hadn't "gotten any" in over a month, I'd be a little pissed off about it and demand to know why, especially since I am a married man. I think you just--I think you freaked him out and might need to gain some trust that you are protected and that sex in a marriage needs to be sustained so that it is a happy one. If you don't continue to get sex, it's going to become worse of a problem than it already is. Good luck to you on this.

Answer 6

Stop trying right away and try this approach. If you gained a few pounds you need to shed them off. Find the sexiest night gown and wear it an hour before you go to bed. While walking around in the house use house hold items in a sexual way and it won't hurt if you suggest a threesome sometime in the future. If all of the above don't work, I think you need to find your self a toy-boy.

Answer 7

Unless you have left your appearance go to hell or he has major problems at work He should be eager to hump your brains out. Men normally want it more than women. Does he spend allot of time in the bathroom or computer room which could indicate he is pumping his own tool ?? Sometimes men get used to doing themselves and turn away from the wife because they do not succeed in getting her off like she wants. It is much easier to take care of yourself than try and please someone when you lack the interest to do it right. If talking to him does not do it then think about trading him in. Something is very wrong.

Answer 8

He is not being fair to the marriage vows.

You could try several things:
Hire a babysitter and create a "romantic" evening for the two of you -- what ever that means for you.

Sit down and, in a non-threatening way, find out what he really is afraid of.

Have him use protection as well -

If all else fails - try counseling

Best of luck to you!

Answer 9

Sounds like he has more issues than Time Magazine. There could be a medical problem such as not enough testosterone. Sit him down and have a heart to heart with him. Maybe he'd be willing to get help, medically or counseling. Good luck.

Answer 10

I know you must be going through a real difficult time. it must be hard to feel ignored by the person you love. But I think that before you make any assumptions, you should speak to him. Communication is you best tool right know.Tell him how you feel, and ask him if there is something that's bothering him.
good luck

Answer 11

find help on mentoring with fatherhood. My guess is he believes he lost his "freedom" because he will now share in caring.
He needs to know the joy of fatherhood and see how pleasing it could be. I have two and, at times it is stressful but there are times I am thankful of being a father.
Ask him what is causing this fear of being a father. There might be a clue in what he says.