It also makes it bleed.
2006-08-10 14:45:47 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous in Health ➔ Men's Health
I am about to change your life.
Lo many years ago I discovered the need to fully cleanse my own anus, with nary a single remnant of debris left behind. It became an obsession of mine to find the mechanism by which my *** could be as clean as the rest of me.
The answer, my friend, is two-fold (not two-ply). First, you must begin with a toilet paper that contains: aloe. Dare not touch anything to thine backside without ALOE!!!! My personal recommendation is Charmin Plus.
Then, subsequent to the full wiping with the aforementioned aloe-infused paper, you must reach behind you to the top of the tank where there must be sitting at all times the newest, most wonderful godsend of anal cleanliness in the history of mankind. I am speaking, my friend, of the cool, comforting, moist-towlette like experience of Cottonelle Fresh Folded Wipes: Moist, Flushable and loaded with, you betcha, more ALOE!!! and, interestingly, some Vitamin E.
This combination will remove the foul detritus that causes your old toilet paper to stick to your anus. And, lucky for you, with consistent use, the days of your *** bleeding will be limited to fun time with your friends on the weekend... but I digress.
I have some words of caution: First, lest the foul stench that emerged from thine *** be cast upon your bathroom floor, do make sure to limit your use of the aforementioned wipes to two at a time. It's a courtesy to yourself and your friends to flush multiple times during an evacuation.
Second, there is some risk of dependency. I have found that public pooping, which was never a particularly pleasant experience in the first place, is now simply out of the question without a handy travel pack. I recommend you purchase a bag of some kind (possibly like that man purse that Jerry Seinfeld had in that one episode) and carry with you a spare role of Charmin Plus and a travel container of Cottonelle wipes at all times. This way, you can be sure to avoid a relapse.
Third, and finally, avoid imposter wipes. Anything with witch hazel should not be touched to any part of your body, let alone your tender nether regions.
If worst comes to worst, you can always strip and cast yourself over the sofa with your backside up and legs spread to allow air to freely flow over the affected area. It may help to have a friend there with a fan.
I wish you well my friend. Heed these words of wisdom and experience, lest ye risk the fiery demon that is known as Anal Fissure.
Go now in peace and cleanliness...
2006-08-10 15:37:30 · answer #1 · answered by T 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like your using cheap toilet paper, if you have to much hair on your anus you'll be wiping for long periods of time. Look into better toilet paper, also I would look into Tucks medicate pads if your bleeding. You should have it looked at, you might have hemorrhoids.
Good Luck
2006-08-10 15:03:17 · answer #2 · answered by mevanr8x7 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
the genuine answer on your concern is......SHAVE all of it OFF.....do no longer even leave a touchdown strip. We adult adult males love a shaved tom cat. And, in case you do score that casual rooty toot, i'm useful he'd be back for greater....
2016-11-04 08:09:31 · answer #3 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you have too much hair around your hole and you need softer toilet paper try Cottonelle with aloe
2006-08-10 14:53:12 · answer #4 · answered by dylan 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Use a damp cloth and you will not have this problem.
2006-08-10 14:51:23 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
You're a nasty dingle berry!
2006-08-10 14:52:32 · answer #6 · answered by precious 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋