Been married almost 3 years now. We don't argue at all! He has a nine year old and we have a two year old. I am a full time stay at home mom. He works 10-12 hours a day (can't cut him for that) he is trying to be a good provider, but he comes home from work in the middle of the night, eats, watches t.v. and sleeps until he has to go to work the next day. No play time with the kids, no time for me. But if it's hunting or motorcycles man he's up and runnin'! He would have to work those hours with or without me here.. so what is he really doing except making me and the kids feel like wanting time is an overwhelming inconvenience? On weekends we just rent movies. When he talks it's about his job or his bike or his buddies at work. I cannot honestly remember the last time he asked me about our house, our kids, me, the dog.... nothing. I can be lonely by myself - should I be?
2006-08-10 13:30:02 · 9 answers · asked by cabinfeverjen 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It sounds like a little boys dream of marriage. Getting the benefits of having a wife, kids, home and marriage, get to go play and not have to worry about the rest of it. Sure he works hard and should have some playtime but there is no excuse.... none... for not realizing that the one who makes this all possible is you. You need to make him work a bit harder and change his worldview. Get a job, volunteer, whatever. Better yourself and he will get the idea.
2006-08-10 13:47:15 · answer #1 · answered by jackson 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yep, cause thats what it is going to take to wake him up and make him realize whats happening. He obviously has made you and your child his last priority. You can talk to him about it until you are blue in the face but until there are some consequences to it, nothing will change. Its sad but it happens all the time. Ask him to do something with you, when he says hes too tired say oh i forgot to tell you bob (or whatever friend) called and wanted you to go wherever, when he has energy for that let him know he can find somewhere else to stay or if you have someplace to go tell him you'll be gone when he gets back. Tell him straight up you are sick of it, you are DONE taking it and that you can be lonely by yourself except then there would be a reason for it and if things don't change NOW you'll be moving on. You teach people how to treat you and it probably started as you trying to be understanding, now its turned in to you don't count. Sometimes thats what being understanding gets you, men dont think enough to figure it out and it usually takes something drastic to shake them up. Good luck!
2006-08-10 20:41:21 · answer #2 · answered by dappersmom 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you don't tell him how you feel, he will automatically assume that everything's fine and dandy for you. He thinks that being a good provider is more than enough to keep you happy. Don't assume he can read your mind. Find a quiet time when you can talk and be honest about your feelings. Tell him you miss him and are feeling a bit lonely. Let him know you need a little bit of "you and him" time. I know some men get uncomfortable and squirmy when this subject is broached but as long as your approach is constructive and not accusatory, it won't blow up into a big fight and possibly cause him to shut you out. Men don't like to be put into a situation where they feel it's their fault that you're unhappy. Don't forget to tell him how much you appreciate him for being a good provider but that you are feeling ignored and just need more of his attention.
2006-08-10 20:53:56 · answer #3 · answered by cheetah7 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you should consider working part-time to help out so he can work less hours and have more time for you & the kids. He might just be stressed and want to do things that will calm him down. I don't have kids, we both work full-time regular eight hour shifts, but my hubby & I pretty much do our own thing. It wasn't until recently when he got laid off that we're actually starting to spend time together again.
2006-08-10 20:36:47 · answer #4 · answered by sam 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to try and find a way to get your spouse motivated and want to spend time with you and your children. Sounds as if he is in a 'rut'. On weekends, why not see a movie at the theatre rather than renting movies?
2006-08-10 20:35:47 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
lonelineSS is a state my mind. find a hobby or read , write? there are bunches of things to do. that's how men are they work, they solve problems and they see that all is good and well, then they don't see a problem. women ss things different than men. Your not the first or the last to say they are only. Go get a good book and learn about men and how they are, i think it is interesting myself, well good luck
2006-08-10 20:58:17 · answer #6 · answered by RAINBOW 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell HIM how you feel! He may not realize how lonely you are. Maybe you should get a part-time job whenhe can watch the kids....it would help him connect to them, and give you some "adult" time to have friends.
If he doesn't care, then leave him.
2006-08-10 20:35:42 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you need to have a talk with him. Let him know what's on your mind, he will most likely do the right thing.
2006-08-10 20:36:00 · answer #8 · answered by Miguel O 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you don't have to be lonely. let's chat sometime and connect
2006-08-10 21:30:17 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋