i think my husband is having an affair again. it's hurting me so bad but i don't know what to do. please help

Question

A year ago my boyfriend(my husband now) cheated on me with my very own sister. my heart was shattered into million pieces. it was the most painful feeling i've experienced. and yet we found our way back together again. he asked for forgiveness and promise me he'll never do it again and i'm the one he really loves. i even forgave my sister for betraying me. a month after the affair we got marrried. it's almost a year now i think he's having an affair again with his ex girlfriend. i saw text messages that they're talking again i confronted him he told me it's just some stupid text and stupid conversation after we had a huge fight. he said he doesn't talk to her anymore but there's this gutt feeling he's lying. what should i do? i love him so much and i have this probelm of letting go. i don't have the courage. please give me a little inspiration.

Answer 1

You are in a position to confront him directly with even the smallest hint that he may have cheated. He does not deserve the trust nor the benefit of the doubt. Confront him, its his fault even if you are wrong.

Answer 2

I am sitting here thinking why do men do this to women they "love". I just found a e-mail service for greeting cards. That's very nice for the one receiving them, because it's sure not me. His wife of 26 years! If you are sure he's cheating again, leave this time, and don't look back. You don't need this crap. You deserve to be loved by someone who loves you back just as much. I thought I would die with this man, but he's still lying, and I am so tried of hearing the lies. INSPIRATION- you don't need him! He doesn't deserve the love of a good woman, he needs to be single and play the field...when you marry, you give up all that!
Some people not only men, but women do it do, they aren't satisfied with just one person, they get bored or need the excitement of an affair-of doing the nasty-....We don't need that, we need someone who commits and that we can trust with our hearts. Honey, I now it's hard! But you alone can't make a marriage, you have to a partner that wants the same thing. It's not you! You sound like you are doing everything you can to make it work, I mean you have all ready forgave him once...How many times does he think your heart can take! My heart can't take anymore, and I am through. But that your decision, and only your decision, this is something no one else can decide for you. I wish it was that simple. All the signs are there that he's not acting a husband deserves a loving wife. Now, you can do this...You made a mistake, but it's definietly the end of the world. If I can start over after 26 years, you can. I am scared to death, but you know what I need the right stuff, and this ain't it. Please do some soul searching....if you decide to stay, you and your husband need some counseling to work some major issues..if you decide you had enough, pack those bags and don't look back! You are someone dream woman, you just picked the wrong man....I quess I did too! So, let's make some choices here. I am so sorry! No one needs to treated like this, it's not fair. But we can survive! And you know what...we not are going to survive we are going to be so happy that we can't keep the smile off of our faces........God bless us all...................

Answer 3

Courage is difficult in your situation. I know how you feel. I commend you for forgiving your husband and sister and trying to make your relationships work. I am divorcing my wife of 20 years because she is a chronic cheater. She's had at least five affairs that I know of.

IMHO, the "burden of proof", to use a legal term, is on your husband. He has to re-earn your trust and demonstrate that his behaviour is beyond reproach.

At this point, I think the only way you can save your marriage is to see a marriage counselor and start the hard work of dealing with these issues. I don't see how you can do it without professional help. You may have to have your sister attend a few sessions.

Make an appointment with a marriage counselor at a time when you know that your husband is available. Tell him to be there.

If he doesn't show up, you'll know that divorce is the only answer and you can do it with a clear conscience. If he does show up, you two can try to put all the pieces back together.

Please check out the article below. It helped me.

Answer 4

You're in a tough spot. Relationships are really based on trust, specially marriage. The fact that he wasn't loyal with that whole situation makes things a little harder to trust him. After someone breaks your trust like that, its hard to regain it fully. Look in him for signs of cheating, besides the text message see if he arrives from work late, or whether he's always with his "friends", whether he's hostile towards you and treats you differently. Your gut instict may be very well right. I dont know what the text messages said, but if they were serious and not just a "hello", you have every reason to doubt this guy (not that you never did). You deserve a lot better than this, and i know its a lot easier said then done, but experiences like this just show us we deserve a lot better. Please, if you're not pregnant, don't have a baby from this guy until you've figured out what you want to do. Having a baby now would only cause you deeper problems, and if he does cheat on you once more, then seeing him can't be something you ignore.

I know that you love him, and letting go of someone you love isn't easy. But it will hurt you a lot less if you do it with the support of your family and other people that love you. I know that being in a marriage that has the fairy tale happily ever after ending is every girl's dream, but if it doesn't work out, it doesnt work out. Look within yourself and realize that you deserve better than someone you just can't trust. I used to believe that everything happened for a reason, no one deserves to be cheated on, but i do believe now that those experiences create who we are. IF you do decide to leave him, it will give you a sense of self worth. And just because marriage didn't work the first time, around, doesnt mean that your prince charming isnt out there waiting on his white horse. It will tak e time, but time does heal all the wounds. I wish you find the strenght you need.

Answer 5

Your husband is betraying his wedding vows. He doesn't respect you as a wife, or a person, and I promise you can do better. You gave him a chance when he didn't really deserve one and he blew it. Don't let him weasel his way back in. He'll only do it again, and it'll hurt every time he does it. Make a clean break, move out, tell him to get counseling. Surround yourself with friends and family that love you and have faith that you will be all right without him. It's impossible to see now, but you will be OK!! You can grow from this and be a stronger and better person. When you think you can't do it...call your mom, your best friend, someone who will support you. You can't carry a marriage by yourself, and he's failing you.
Good luck!!

Answer 6

Trust your gut!! Ask yourself what is more important ,your happiness or your man. He has already shown you what he is capable of,and what type of person he is, so why do you doubt him.Your life,and emotional wellbeing are your responsibilities.You can let go,stop saying that you can't!!!! If you are finding it hard to trust him,its his fault,because he betrayed it in the first place.You deserve to be with someone who will be faithful,and wants to be with only you!!! Life is too short to waste time trying to force someone to accept us and love us,even if they don't want to.I think it is great that you were able to forgive your sister,but I think you are kidding yourself about forgiving him.You will always wonder or suspect that he is cheating,because he has shown you that he can and will. If it is causing you stress,just leave while you still have your sanity.There is someone out there worthy of you and your heart. Decide how YOU want to live YOUR life. His choices he has to make about his life are not your responsiblity.He has already validated that with his infidelity.I know you are hurt,but life goes on.Pick yourself up by the boot straps and refuse to let his actions bring your life down.You CAN do it!!!.Just try. You will be so surprised at how strong you really are. I wish you much luck,love,laughter,and happiness.Feel free to contact me if ever you need more words of encouragement.I have had so many broken hearts in my life,and am now so much stronger because of them.Bye now.

Answer 7

Please try to find the strength to get away from him. I know that this is hard;but, I was in the same position as you. My husband (now ex) had a woman on the side, ex-gf. He messed around with her while we were married, begged for my forgiveness. We got back together, then he started fooling around with her and another girl. LEAVE HIM! Move on, I know your pain, I have the same gutt feeling and I didn't listen and then I found out the truth and it HURTS!

Answer 8

Trust your instincts but back it up with solid proof. Asking them doesn't always work cause they will lie about it to avoid hurting you and getting into a fight with you. You probably don't trust him 100%(can't say I blame you) after all he's cheated on you in the past with your sister and is now talking with his ex. Express to him how it makes you feel when he talks to other women, but do it constructively without blowing up in his face. Furthermore, you have to gather real evidence that he's cheating before you assume he is otherwise you'll just stress yourself out wondering and that's not going to be healthy for your marriage.

Answer 9

He might not be cheating my x wife. (reconciled soon) Cheated allot when she was young and when we were engaged.
She would never cheat again now She didn't like what we went through when she cheated.

The whole confronting thing can get silly for the longest my x wife would look at phone messages and what not and get all paranoid that I would cheat just becuse she did.
Take it easy ( relax ) sending any text even a flirty one is not " doin it "

I'd bet that he isn't cheating If you need to talk msg me its in my profile.

My sweety has a past but she would never cheat again.

Answer 10

I know this is a difficult situation. I have learned to go with my gut feelings because they have proven to be right. Honey if you believe without any doubt that he is cheating then he probably is. It is your love for him that is probably blinding you to the truth otherwise. You want to believe him because you love him. I admire you for moving on with him after her had already hurt you so badly the first time, but honey you need to move on to greener pastures. There are better men out there that will love you and be honest with you. Leave now before this causes you more pain. Before you find out the truth. He cheated on you once already that is enough. Do yourself a favor. Find a real man, a wonderful man. You desserve so much more for yourself.

Answer 11

Stop being such a pushover and dump him. There is no way to salvage this relationship. He never had any respect for you. Get out asap. You will only keep causing yourself even more pain if you continue on your chosen path. What is the matter with you and why do you hate yourself SO much that you would let yourself be treated this way?

If my sister did that to me then I would knock her teeth down her throat and never speak to her again. And I would never marry a pathetic loser like that. I would consider myself out of his league. So should you and any other woman this failure of the male sex is seeing.