how hard would you have to squeeze a man's testicles before he understood what my contractions felt like.
2006-08-10 12:12:09 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
That wouldn't be the same. To closely approximately your experience, you must do the following.
Give him some ipecac every morning and pinch his nipples daily for 12 weeks. Then tap lightly on his abdomen approximately 5 minutes out of every hour. Give him ice cream for breakfast, chocolate and potato chips for lunch and a giant steak dinner capped a giant stinky prenatal vitamin every day for six months.
Make sure to bring him to doctor's appts where they will "gently" insert a speculum into his rectum and fumble around in there while making conversation about his hemorrhoids (if he doesn't have them he will soon from all the fiddling around down there). Be sure to mumble lots of offhand remarks like, "Why are you so bitchy", "You sure eat a lot" and "That guy over there looks like you...well like you did five years ago"
Then switch to feeding him a few tablespoons of food every two hours for the next three months. Jab him in the bladder and gut approximately five minutes out of every hour 24 hrs a day. Then once you've reached the nine month mark, have him eat some bad clams, resulting in cramping diarrhea. Don't let him go to the hospital until he's suffered at home for awhile. Then take him to L&D where they will root around in his hand to srart an IV and run in a few bags of fluid. He will sign reams of paperwork and answer lots of questions while having his "contractions". Encourage him not to have any pain medication, he wouldn't want to appear weak.
Then when he's held it in long enough (oh...about 12 hrs for a first timer) hold his hand supportively while he sits on the toilet "pushing" Of course, you and nurse may have to insert a large grapefruit into his rectum and let him pass that while breathing "hee hee HOO, hee hee HOO". When he's passed that throw a bloody steak with a inch thick cable taped to it in between his legs and tell him you've delivered the "placenta" Bandy it about proudly and show it to him because everyone wants to see that.
Now breastfeeding starts. Hand him a slippery infant and tell him to put it to breast about every five minutes for the next six weeks. Voila, he's a mommy!
2006-08-10 12:31:01 · answer #1 · answered by BabyRN 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well lets see! I would have to say that short of ripping them off there is now way he will ever know what child birth is like but then again if everything goes right then you won't remember or care about the pain after you hold your baby!
2006-08-10 19:26:06 · answer #2 · answered by dmws25 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
No matter how hard u squeezed it would'nt compare to child birth.
2006-08-10 19:17:10 · answer #3 · answered by pudd269 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Not having testicles, it would be difficult to compare!
2006-08-10 19:17:20 · answer #4 · answered by Chris M 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Why don't you do the same thing to your baby, the baby made you "suffer" too. Women are soo stupid and childish!
All your questions are related, you are a sick freak!
2006-08-13 08:22:55 · answer #5 · answered by miniboi6666 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
YOU NEVER KNOW HOW MUCH PAIN THERE IN THEY MIGHT SAY IT HURTS BUT YOU DONT BELIEVE AND STILL DO IT AND MESS UP THE CHILD BEARING BABIES SO NOT A GOOD IDEA
2006-08-10 19:24:40 · answer #6 · answered by spida_kat 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No need. Just tell him to pull his lower lip over the top of his head and then he will understand what childbirth is like!
2006-08-10 19:17:25 · answer #7 · answered by YDoncha_Blowme 6 · 0⤊ 2⤋
You would probably have to pop them off just to get close to the feeling lol
2006-08-10 19:20:51 · answer #8 · answered by Miranda S 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
wooaw. Now u dont wanna do that to a man!
2006-08-10 19:15:44 · answer #9 · answered by I need Answers 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Still sounds like fun!!
2006-08-10 19:16:20 · answer #10 · answered by April M 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋