Any great book recommendations to help girlfriend cope with having no father?

Question

My 20-something old girlfriend has issues stemming from her parents' early divorce. Her dad left her life at an early age and her mom was left to fend for the both of them. With no father, my gf can't seem to carry on a normal relationship (my sister says she has no idea how to give back love that is given to her), she feels second-rate because she had no dad, and she feels completely lost in her life (both in who she is and where she is meant to go). She also cannot see a psychologist because she doesn't have insurance or the money to pay out-of-pocket.

My question, then, is, does anyone have any recommendations for books I could give to her as a gift so that she can somehow begin to understand where to start? I'd prefer not to give her too many pseudo-alternative religious thought books, like Deepak Chopra, etc. Something that is an easy, non-scientific read that would still enlighten her.

Answer 1

I don't know of any good books off hand, but it is still possible for your girlfriend to get professional help. A lot of communities have mental health assistance available that is based on one's income. Some jobs also have employee assistance plans that can help with counseling at a low rate.

Your girlfriend is lucky to have a boyfriend that cares about her so much. There are a lot of people who grew up without fathers who turned out fine, and a lot of people that grew up with fathers who have a lot of problems. So she needs to understand that growing up without a father is not what the problem is. And this is something you can help her with without reading any books or getting professional help.

We all have to deal with the hand that life dealt us. At some point we have to look at it and say, "Ok, this is the hand I have. Now what am I going to do with it?" We have to take responsibility for where we are going in our life and not put the blame on not having parents, having a bad childhood, having bad experiences etc., which is what your girlfriend is doing. Essentially she is saying, "I have no direction in life because I had no father. What she needs to tell herself is, "I had no father growing up. So what! I am responsible for where my life is going, not the fact that he wasn't around." She sounds like she is yearning for what she didn't have, and then idealizing that yearning. "If only I had a father, I would know who I am and where I'm going." But, in reality, having a father doesn't guarantee anything like this.

It sounds like she may be depressed or suffering from a severe lack of self-esteem. She may tell herself that the reason behind all this has to do with the fact that she had no father growing up, which is probably right on target. Now the question remains, what can she do about it? I'm sure there are a lot of books out there on taking control of your life and raising your self-esteem that I'm sure you can find. I personally believe that the best way to make this happen is to learn to take full responsibility and accountability for our lives. When we quit blaming others for our problems, we learn to live healthier, happier lives. Good luck to you and your girlfriend. This is not an easy process to go through by any means and requires 1 step back for every step for every step forward. But, the rewards are mighty!

Answer 2

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Answer 3

Chopra might help, it helps my daughter who is in the same situation. But my daughter is 48 and has still problems with the father issue. She has had therapy too.

Answer 4

You might try "Knowing Him as Father" by James Robison. He was born because his mom was date raped, so he writes this from his own experience and not some disinterested psychological research. I haven't read it myself, but considering where he's coming from with it, it seems it might help.

Answer 5

It is nice that you care, but having been in the same situation, I would say just let her cope however she can and be there to give her hugs when she wants to cry.i

Answer 6

Bible