Help Needed?

Question

Another one need advise mostly from married or fully committed and experience ones no bias intended but this also involves two children from previous relationship. You see I have been in this relationship for 7 years. After two years I started to see bad reactions from his mum after where as if I call she would hung up on me or call at my house and harass who ever answers the phone. I could never figure out why she did it but after some thought I said maybe she feels I am taking her son away and she was jealous. I accepted it without telling him what was going on because I assumed it was a phase she was going through and it would pass. It has gotten worse and this is 5 years it has been happening. Earlier this year I got really upset and had about all I could take so I gave him back all his stuff so as to let him go back with his mother for me to have peace and save my sanity from then until now it’s uncomfortable because I feel I made a mistake we still talk and stuff but he acts different and not so loving him mum realized we still talk and she has told some of his family that I call and slam the phone in her ears all the time which is not true but actually the opposite. He now says that all I talk about is the same situation and he is tired but hurts also as I do but I am somewhat tired too he says his feelings are the same but I feel as though he thinks that he’s in a situation where he has to choose and as he said he is confused but for me I can live with his mother not harassing me but I don’t think she will accept me being involved with her son I don’t know why because I have done nothing wrong to her ever and I don’t have any thing bad in my past or in my lifetime so to speak

to the person that asked he was very hurt when i gave him back his stuff and didn't speak to me for a few days and actually brought back the computer for my daughter to use for her school project , he has spoken to her about the situation and he was upset when i kept it from him for so long but to you guys that have told me to move on ihave told him that and i'm trying to build the strength to move on and not look back at all because I do love him. he still wants me to accept he being there for the children with anything they might need but i don't know what to do there becaus i don't think its his responsibilit and not fair to him ether
Thanks guys again

Answer 1

Well it seems as if you are not going to gain his mothers blessing. You have a choice you either leave him or you except his mother for what has happened. He also need to make a choice of either sticking up for you or his mother. If he chooses his mother then leave. It is going to take both of you to work through this situation and make it work. Maybe if he tells his mother that her behavior is unacceptable she might change. This is a common problem believe it or not.

Answer 2

Well, sweetie, the answer seems pretty clear. Your boyfriend has to make a decision about where he wants to be and whom he wants to be with.

There's nothing more irritating, and hurtful, than a meddling, mean mother-in-law. But you play into her hands when you keep going back for more abuse by continuing to call and beg him to choose you over her. She is enjoying watching you hurt and enjoying forcing her son to choose. They obviously have a very co-dependent relationship, and she will always be a problem if you two are together so long as he isn't willing to stand up to her on behalf of your relationship. Sad though it may be, there are people in this world who just enjoy bullying and manipulating other people and, in my experience, they don't seem to outgrow it.

You mention that there are children involved. I would be very concerned about what they are seeing and hearing both from and about her and the situation in general. If nothing else you must make a decision for them not to continue to see you as a victim and let him go for their sake. If you two are going to be together he needs to put his business in order with mum and come back to you a man, not a momma's boy, fully committed to you and the kids.

I would stop calling, stop allowing myself to be a victim and prepare to move forward. Let mum have him.

Good luck!

Answer 3

The stupid games adults play. This sounds like not only has someone , kids mom, not accepted the breakup of you two but is out to destroy you by any means available. In this case its the boy and shes put him exactly in the middle of you two. And worst of all its working like she wants and destroying your relationship with your son. This is probably the most stupid thing a mom could do as eventually he will see whats happening and it will backfire on her. All you can do is back off a bit, keep communication lines open with him, dont mention his mom and be patient as this could take a little while. Give her enough rope and shell hang her ownself which is exactly what you want to happen, You dont want to put his mother down as this will put you on her level and once he sees whats going on, he wont trust either of you. Talk to him about things hes interested in only to show him that you are truly concerned about him and build a father-son bond so when the day comes he knows where to go. Hope this helps and good luck

Answer 4

Oh, this has been becoming more common on here lately, the Mother in law from hell. Everybody is going to tell you to dump him and leave his sorry butt, yada yada yada. He went and lived with his mother? Not good. I can't even imagine why an adult would do this. Well, I'm going to tell you what everybody else is, Move on. That's right. Do for you and your children and break ties with that insanity. Find someone who cares for you in the right way. Think of it as a fresh start and a new adventure. Get some hobbies, make new friends, and casually date. Trust me. You'll be happier.

Answer 5

I am assuming that you are not married to this guy. This is the kind of behavior one would expect from a third grader. Is this guy aware of how his mother is treating you? Has he taken any steps to do anything about it? If he really cares for you he will tell his mother that he is a Big Boy now and she needs to accept that. If he can't stand up to his mother in this situation he is still a Little Boy and you can do better than that! In fact you deserve better than that!

Answer 6

You're first mistake, you let his mother win. Your second mistake, you are still giving his mother all the power in your's and your husband relationship.

What you need to do, if you want your man back, is write a nice letter explaining that you don't need his mother's acceptance, but that you need her respect as his wife and the mother of his children (either from a present or previous marriage.) Admit you were wrong in becoming angry over her acceptance of you, but let them all know, that's not what is important to you now. What is important is your husband's and your's relationship. That should be the end of it. Send it to your husband, his mother and that is it!

Then, if your husband and you reconcile, you accept that it is his mother, you are powerless over that fact, but you don't have to be a part of it. Give that portion of your husbands life to him and step out of the way.

You'll be happier for it.

Answer 7

This sounds like someone, MOM, hasn't cut the cord yet. How old is this guy? Do you love him or are you just wanting to keep a relationship because thats where you've been? His mom needs to lighten up and he needs to tell her to back off. Does he love you and is he willing to stand up for you? Since we are only seeing your side we have to assume that you r bein straight with us out here. Did he argue about you givin him his stuf or did he just take it and go. Many questions but no simple answer without more info.

Answer 8

Somehow the mother has bad feelings toward. Maybe she heard something about you from a friend that isn't true but she believes it. You need to give the son back to his mother. If he can be controlled this much by his mother, then let her have him. He'll be lonely in bed, etc.... but let him. Good luck in your situation.

Answer 9

Think of it this way: If it takes your boyfriend's mom to make decisions on who he can and can't be with, he's not man enough to make decisions for himself. In other words, he needs some growing up to do. Leave this relationship for your own benefit. Unless your boyfriend is under age, you don't need to be dealing with an immature adult whose mother calls all the shots for him.

Answer 10

Well the problem here is not with the moher, as much as your signifiant other allowing his mother to trea you this way. No offense, but if he can have it out with you, he should be man enough to sit down with his mom and find out what her side of it is.
If he won't do it, maybe you should. bury the hatchet with this woman and find out hat is really going on. Otherwise, get out now before this woman ruins our morale and what is left of your romance with this man.