My boyfriend and I have been together for 5 1/2 years. We are both 27. Three years ago I moved 3 1/2 hours away from my family to be closer to him. We are buying a house together. The problem is he hasn't proposed. All of our closest friends have gotten engaged and been together a lot less longer than we have. We have a good relationship with the occasional fights like everyone else. Lately I feel like it's never going to happen! I'm waiting for it and I've become obessed with it. I feel so bitter b/c I do everything for him and I feel like I deserve the committment. He tells me he doesn't have money, but I don't believe that. Please help!
2006-08-10 11:38:55 · 15 answers · asked by Annie One 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Buying house is a very big step for people who haven't committed themselves to a lasting relationship. You should tell him that you don't think the house is a good idea since you two aren't even engaged and have no plans of marriage in the foreseeable future.
Maybe he feels he is too young to get married, which many people may agree. 30 may be his magic number.
He may just be waiting to until he has his life in order (education, career, salary, etc.), before he makes you an "official" part of it. He wants to know he can be a good provider for you. This is also understandable.
Or he may think once you're married you might want to start having children which he isn't ready for.
Or he has witnessed good marriages gone bad. Possibly his parents or a friends parents growing up and has mixed feelings about marriage.
The only way to find out is to talk to him and let him know your expectations and find out what he is thinking and how he feels.
Good Luck!!!
2006-08-10 12:03:57 · answer #1 · answered by golddiggalova 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Well, I don't want to sound like something out of the 1950s, because I moved in with my wife before we got married. But once you move in with a guy, suddenly he gets all the benefits of marriage without any of the commitment.
If I were you, I'd say, "Look, are we getting married or not?" Don't let him give you mealy mouth excuses of not having enough money. After all, weddings cost all of $50 at the Justice of the Peace. But you're about to get into a major financial obligation with this guy when you buy a house, and you better have a more substantial commitment. After all, you could break up 30 minutes after unpacking the boxes at the new place, he could get mad and leave, and you could be stuck paying for a house you can't afford.
It's a fair question to ask him.
2006-08-10 18:51:24 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
5 1/2 years is generally a good long span of time.
You mentioned one element toward the very end of your post: "he tells me he doesn't have money. . ."
If he means that he has no money for a ring and a marriage---this makes no sense. You can get a very reasonable ring---and get a more expensive one in later years---and pay a menial fee for a marriage license.
However, if he means that he doesn't feel capable of taking care of you financially, there may be a deeper concern on his part. This might necessitate couples counseling.
The inconsistency here is that you are buying a house together. He has money to buy a house but not a marriage license? There is either some part of the story that is missing, or he is anxious.
If you have your heart set on marriage, you might reconsider the house purchase until you have married. Otherwise, you run the risk of owning a house with a man who is unable to commit to marrying you (for whatever reasons)---and feeling bitterly disappointed.
2006-08-10 19:29:11 · answer #3 · answered by oceana 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Everyone deserves a commitment once a relationship has reached the level you describe. Tell him you are not comfortable continuing to make commitments - buying a house - when the relationship has no commitment. You have to bring up the issue or the bitterness will grow and soon become an issue that could end the relationship you now have with him.
2006-08-10 18:48:41 · answer #4 · answered by brenda c 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How can you buy a house if there is no money???? You have a lot of problems, sweetie! Forget it......he ain't gonna marry ya, sweetie! Stop trying to "play house". He probably has a girlfriend tucked away somewhere. I hate to tell you this but you do not have a "good" relationship.....it actually sucks! You are not on the same life path. Get out before you get too old. Stop bullying him and trying to maniputalte the situation. You need to move on and stop allowing him to make a fool out of you!
2006-08-10 18:58:06 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am having the same problem in a way.. I was asked to marry him, but now he wants to keep putting it off because he doesn't feel that he is financially sound enough right now... which isn't true.. we both make a very nice income and even though he is coming in to this relationship with debt, it isn't anything that we can't overcome with a little planning and budgeting. I too feel bitter alot of the time, I love him, but I can't seem to break through this wall he has built out of his financial issues. I wish I had an answer for you, but I can't seem to solve my own right now..Peace.
2006-08-10 22:02:46 · answer #6 · answered by julianna76301 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was in the same situation, but we didn't buy a house together...he bought the house himself, i moved away from my family and friends to be with him and to stop commuting...wasn't worth it. the relationship stayed the same, we were both comfortable in it, though he treated me like crap. I stayed and became obsessed with it, and was weeks away from getting engaged and realized I didn't want to spend the rest of my life with someone who couldn't make up their mind or stay in a shitty relationship. If you don't think he'll propose (specially now that you're 27), you need to be sure you're both on the right track and same track. good luck.
2006-08-10 18:47:19 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
first off, don't move in with him. that's like the best situation a man can have! he's legally single but yet he lives with his girlfriend. i had a friend who did the same, and she kept waiting for a proposal, which never came. her boyfriend seemed to think that it wasn't necessary since they were already living together, he thought it was like they were already married, and he felt that he didn't need some peice of paper stating that they were! sooo TALK to him about the situation BEFORE you move in with him.
2006-08-10 18:48:44 · answer #8 · answered by elizabeth321 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why should he?
- You moved to be near him.
- You're buying a house with him.
- He's got everything a wife can provide without the commitment.
The real question is, "why are you making it so easy for him NOT to ask you?"
Then there's the question you probably don't want to ask yourself, "if it requires coercion or any type, why do YOU want to marry him?"
2006-08-10 19:04:06 · answer #9 · answered by mrpeabody 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
tell him fine, let go to the court house and pay for 100 dollar and show me that you love me.
I did that with my wife on Oct. 31st 1997 and finally have money May 24th, 1998.... I kept telling my wife let get married at court house and she never ever want to and I give up and then she came to me and said let get married at court house. Just remember invited your family and his family and then you have no plm.... that good enough... until have money then have everyone join later smiling.
100.00 that nothing to compare to 5,000 dollars wedding. smiling. If I was in his shoes and I would do what I do.. let get marry at court house smiling.
2006-08-10 19:10:30 · answer #10 · answered by greenbaypackers1920 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋