Can you really stop loving someone after 5 years like it's nothing?

Question

My fiance recently walked in and announced that she didn't love me, didn't want to marry me, and wanted me to move all my things out. This was totally out of the blue and she acted like I cheated on her or something.

We have been together for 5 years and have always had a perfect relationship. We were getting married in a month.

She started dating someone else almost overnight and I'm totally baffled. Do you think she's dating him just so she doesnt have to think about me? How do you start dating someone so soon?

She is younger than me (23) I'm 27. I've only talked to her a couple times since we split and she tells me she still wants me to be a part of her life and that I can "call her anytime." But, I feel like... you left me, I'm not going to chase you.

Other stuff plays into it too. We both just graduated from college and got career jobs. Was it just all too much to handle at once? I have so many questions, but no answers.

I'm devastated and I don't understand.

Answer 1

So Sorry that it isnt working out for you. you should be glad that its happening now instead of AFTER you get married! I can tell you or anyone out there. If your Not 100% Sure about it. DO NOT get married! One of you will surely have regrets or always think about the What ifs which in turn leads to Misery for everybody uggggg.
Heres something to think about (anyone listening). Do you enjoy her (or his) company while your alone, not having sex. Does it Require that you are Out at the Movies,Making out, Out to Eat, Going somewhere to Enjoy being with them? Can you have Meaningful talks and feel intune witheach other without all of those things?
IF SO then I'd say YES..... you do really have something "special" that you should hang on to.
Good Luck

Answer 2

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Answer 3

First of all, it sounds like she doesn't know what she really wants and needs a little growing up to do. Secondly, she probably realized that spending the rest of her life with one person is something she isn't ready for and wants to pursue a career instead. Last but not least, could she have been seeing this guy before you two broke up?
Falling out of love is not usually something that happens overnight. She probably fell out of love with you long before the relationship ended and has just announced it to you. Obviously you're having a hard time understanding but if she doesn't want to be with you anymore, there's nothing you can do. You have to move on eventually.

Answer 4

Like you've cheated.?More like maybe she"s cheated!All of a sudden , without any warning signs?Maybe she had a "weak" moment and gave in!She couldn't face you and had to throw you out!The person she started dating"overnight" is most likely her "cheat" buddy and it probably hasn't been overnight!Your relationship was "perfect" to you, but obviously not so "perfect" to her, because you don't start dating somebody out of the blue after bein in a "perfect" relationship for 5 yrs!She say's she still wants to be a part of your life? Ya, she's leaving the door wide open so if her new romance doesn't work out she'll know where to come home to! And I bet you would take her back in a heart beat cause you still love her, right? Why, so the next time she gets tired and bored with you and has herself a "fling" she can throw you out "again"? Give it some time, be a "friend" nothing else, take a break. If she's dating as you say then her feelings for you aren't the same as what your's are for her! It's going to be hard without her for awhile, don't sit around and play the "pity" me game! Maybe your not dating material yet but get out and do things to take up your time instead of thinking about her and what might have been! Don't go chasing, you know what they say , if you love something and set it free if it comes back it was meant to be! Take your time , let her think about it for awhile! I can't tell you not to take her back only you can decide whether or not you would. Just be careful and please don't rush into anything this time? Just be thankful that you didn't marry her and have this happen ! Now you can walk away if your smart. It's a big world out there . Like they say there's alot of fish in the sea, maybe you should be glad this one got away? Take care and best wishes

Answer 5

Yes is it possible, but it takes a long time. Sounds to me like you will be better off without her in your life. You may see that as hard to believe at the moment, but trust me, she did you a favor. Considering this a learning experience, and try not to let it ruin the rest of your relationships. Thank goodness you didn't marry her first. The new boyfriend has probably been around longer than you think. You are doing a wise thing by not contacting her. Do the best you can do do avoid all contact with her, find a new hobby or some friends to occupy your time for now, and eventually you will get over her, it is not a quick process, so be patient, but trust me, eventually you will fall in love again someday, but not until you are finally ready. You deserve better. Good luck!

Answer 6

I think you answered your own question here, she is young I don't think she knows herself. There is so much more to life just yet. I would sit down and write her a letter, tell her how you felt about the whole thing. I think now she's scared because she got rid of the comfort zone that she had and that's why she's telling you about being a part of her life.

I'm a firm believer that certain ages need to be doing certain things and marriage must be for the adult mind, the real adult mind.

Good luck my dear, I hope you can find some closure here and move on with your life.

Answer 7

Sounds like she already had someone else on the side. Although you are hurting, in the long run you got lucky--if she did not do this now, she would have done it later. She is young (and so are you) and she needs to do what is right for her, unfortunately that may not be what you want to hear, but it is true. I could be a carbon copy of her (although I did not call off any wedding), and I have no regrets! Commitment is a scary thing and although I am now married (to the same guy I broke up with back then!!!) I just was not ready at the time and I got a little overwhelmed. Good luck to you--you never know how your future will turn out.

Answer 8

You must feel shocked, hurt, and saddened considering how this break-up happened. Sometimes we never really know what is going on in the world of someone we cherish. At least credit your ex-girlfriend for being honest with you (we can give her that much) and not waiting until after you were married to send you packing. Anyway, you aren't going to ever solve the questions in your mind, but I think you need to accept the fact that this relationship is over. And the only way you're going to survive the break-up is to let her go... completely. Do not call her, do not write her, do not allow her to come running back to you someday. Move on and find someone who you can trust completely. Someone who is closer to your age and willing to go the distance for love. Give yourself a bit of time, of course, but toss up your heart and see where it lands. I'm betting the next time it will be the real thing. Take care...

Answer 9

OK if she doesn't she do sent people do fall out of love just as easily as they fall
in love i know its hard and i know it hurts but do you really want to be with someone who does not love you that should make it easier for you to get over it really and if you don't want to call her tell her tell her she really hurt you and why would you want to be hurt any further it doesn't matter if shes younger than yo that's no part of it at all I'm sure i am 23 and my bf is 27 and i love him to death and hes the one with the commitment problem i hope you get through this have a happy rest of the day to OK

Answer 10

First, you did not have a perfect relationship, because then you would have known she was not happy or planning to leave you. You are right, there's too much other stuff to take in to account to give you any kind of advice. But, stop being devastated, move on, give yourself a break and go to the beach, relax yourself. And maybe after you unstressed yourself you can try to figure out what went wrong.