Ok...I talk to a guy online thru emails only, we talk about both of our marriages and problems and sometimes flirt (nothing serious) He is in his 40's me in my 20's we just talk but could my husbad look at it different?? I know girls over react when guys say "we were just talking" do guys do the same....I'm very faithful to my husband I just need to know if I crossed the line...
2006-08-10 10:33:07 · 58 answers · asked by ERICKSMAMA 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
How would you feel if he did the same thing to you? Always put yourself in his shoes, then you will know your answer.....
2006-08-10 10:37:38 · answer #1 · answered by faith m 2 · 3⤊ 1⤋
It all depends. You know your husband better then we do and how jealous he is over certain issues. I would suggest looking at it from a "how would I feel" point of view. Would you be upset if he did this to you? It may not be cheating but it may be hurtful. It all depends on how he has reacted to other incidents in the past and how it would make you feel if he did it to you. There is nothing wrong with having a friend but I would think it would look pretty bad in your husbands eyes as it's another man and you are discussing your marriages and occasionally flirting. If you wouldn't have a problem with him doing it with a woman behind your back then I'm sure it wouldn't be "cheating" or an "issue" with your husband if he has the same opinions as you do. I know it could also be seen as "sneaky" because he doesn't know about it and it seems like you are going behind his back to get attention from another man, which I am sure isn't the reason, but it can be seen as that way. All and all it can't be considered physically cheating, but possibly emotional cheating depending on what the topics are of your conversations and how your husband feels on such issues. I would assume most men wouldn't approve of it as they are very protective of their ladies! Always ensure your husband knows that you are faithful no matter what and that you love him because the most imporant thing is to make sure he doesn't have a reason to be suspicious! If he isn't suspicious of you being unfaithful, and you aren't, then you aren't crossing the line if he is aware of the fact that you are talking to this other individual and he is okay with it. Just make sure he knows you are talking to him because it will put both of you at ease! If you don't feel comfortable with him knowing about it, then it is crossing the line.
2006-08-10 10:48:02 · answer #2 · answered by ~*Pamcake*~ 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If this relationship causes a rift between you and your husband, then it is wrong. If you are getting your needs met by another person, that might be considered cheating.
Even if you do not see anything wrong with the relationship, you need to judge it through your husband's eyes. He comes first over any other relationship, online or in person.
If he is OK with the flirting,it is alright. Tell him everything, and if you feel you need to hide certain bits of information from him, it is a sign that what you are doing is wrong.
Asking Yahoo people is probably not the best way to judge. There are so many people on that have no morals. Go to your husband for advice. If you are having to ask if it is cheating, it might be.
Friendships are good, but in any relationship you have to set boundaries. Don't be too hard on yourself because we have all been there. Forgive yourself and move on, knowing you have learned a valuable lesson.
2006-08-10 10:47:16 · answer #3 · answered by Kelli C 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
READ THIS CAREFULLY!! We are the wrong people to be asking. As you see with the many different opinions here, everyone feels differently about this subject matter. I'd feel the same as he does about the issue. I don't know his reasoning but I feel that marriage issues should be saved for the people in the marriage and the counselor if one is being seen TOGETHER. Other than that it is very wrong(too me) to speak to someone else of the opposite gender about problems in your marriage. The flirting adds fire to the flame. For your situation, yes you have crossed the line. If your mate feels that way about it then you have to respect his wishes. BUT do note, the same thing goes for him. Talk to him about things like this and find out about how he feels. That should direct you in the direction you should go as far as handling situations similar to this in the future.
2006-08-11 10:10:36 · answer #4 · answered by Ill Prophet 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It doesn't sound like cheating, but it could look that way to your husband. It would definitely bother me if I were your husband. You are sharing details of your married life with someone neither of you have ever seen. And it could raise doubts in his mind that you reall don't want to put there.
Do you keep it a secret from your husband? Do you feel like you have to? If so, it probably is a form of cheating. Marriages are supposed to be as "open book" as possible.
Instead of talking to the online guy about your marriage, why don't you talk to your husband about it. That's the relationship that you need to maintain and improve.
2006-08-10 10:38:56 · answer #5 · answered by Otis F 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I am a wife of a man who cheated thru the internet. So, I am going to tell you that it's getting there. If this something that you wouldn't want your husband to know about or read what you two are talking about then it's cheating. If you are just talking about the weather, and common marriage problems, then it's not cheating. But if you are discussing things that you don't feel comfortable with your husband reading-then stop! It's cheating. Does your husband know? You can cheat emotionally just not physically. I think it hurt me worse that he was sharing things with these women that he didn't share with me. He spent more time talking to these women then with me. He sent cute little cards, I never got one. So, it broke my heart. It makes you wonder if they are doing this, what else are they doing! So, please take inconsideration your husband's feelings. The time you are spending, the thoughts are meant for the man you married. Friends of the opposite sex are nice, but they can get carried away. Please from someone who's heart has been broken, please be careful...share the emails with your husband...ask him...if he has a problem..then don't...If he can't read them-then stop......Thank you for caring enough about your marriag and your husband for asking us for opinions. That's shows how much you value your marriage! Take care and I wish you many many years of happiness.....God bless us all........
2006-08-10 13:42:43 · answer #6 · answered by totallylost 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You crossed the line when you started flirting with him. If your husband was flirting with the wife of this guy, wouldn't you be angry with him? There's nothing wrong with talking to this guy, just stop the flirting. By the way, you have to remember that this guys wife may end up seeing those emails too. You might end up ruining two marriages. Talking is fine, flirting is not.
2006-08-10 10:40:10 · answer #7 · answered by Elizabeth 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Even if you are 20 and that other guy is 40 the flirting has to stop, you probably wouldn't like it if your hubby was talking to another woman and flirting. You should ask your husband if he has a problem with it, if he is really not happy about you talking to that man then don't do it ... i don't think your husband would want you talking to another man about your marital problems.
2006-08-10 10:41:08 · answer #8 · answered by audri 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Could go either way depending on your motive. To desire a certain type of attention from anyone other than your husband could mean that your needs aren't being met by him, and that could be playing with fire. The only one that can answer this question for sure is your husband, so ask him. Despite his answer, I think you need to take a good look within yourself to find the reason why you want to do this.
2006-08-10 10:41:04 · answer #9 · answered by runninfool 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I guess you just have to think about what your husand would think if he saw the sort of emails you were sending. If you think he would be ok, then it is harmless.
If there is stuff in there that you think would upset him or you would be ashamed or uncomfortable to show then may I suggest that maybe it isn't a good thing! Also, if you found that he had a female internet pal and they occationally flirted, would you be happy?
Hope it all works out!
2006-08-10 10:38:44 · answer #10 · answered by Whitelord 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
The important part is, do YOU feel like you cheated? If you were your husband, would you consider what you have done as cheating? Cheating doesn't have to be just physical. You can emotionally cheat on your husband too (In my opinion.) So if you are feeling guilty about what you did, I suggest you stop talking to this other man and save you and your husband the hurt.
2006-08-10 10:41:38 · answer #11 · answered by Irony Of Poe 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋