Serious responses only?

Question

I was wondering if anyone have the same problem I have. I have a really hard time communicating my thoughts and opinions to people but when I write them down, it comes out perfectly! I think I have this problem because when growing up in my household, it was not permitted for you to have your say and opinions and you just had to do whatever you were told or be punished. If anyone has gone through and conquered their communication problem, please share on how you were able to do it. It will be greatly appreciated.

I want to thank all of you for your very heartfelt responses and it is very difficult to choose a best answer.

Answer 1

You are probably very correct in your reasoning. Communication and knowing how to communicate begins at a young age and if you had that stifled there is no wonder it is difficult for you to be secure in saying your feelings and thoughts out loud.
I was the youngest and very reserved and shy as a child, and also was not able to get a word in, it took me a very long time to get over that. I want to say that once I moved out and began living on my own, developing close relationships with people I trusted the words began to flow.
You probably are a wonderful listener and also very observant of the world around you and a good decision maker based on always being able to hear and forming opinions in your head with all that information.
Perhaps since you have a knack for putting it all out on paper you can look into taking some courses on public speaking.
They will have great tips on how to bring all of what is inside of you out for all to hear.
I wish you much luck and hope you find your voice and shine :)

Answer 2

I totally know what you mean. I am often made fun of for my "sentence fragment" style of talking and complimented on my writing. It always surprises me when someone tells me that I explained something perfectly through my writing when I know that the same attempt vocally would fail miserably and go in twelve different directions. I think it has a lot to do with growing up thinking that my thoughts were never good enough, so mid-thought I would kind of socially crumble or try to change the subject. I have found that I can at least finish sentences by repeatedly telling myself that my opinion matters and I don't need to care if if it doesn't come out right because there's always the option to explain. Also, I found that if you listen well, people will listen to you even if you sound half retarded. It's about relaxing and not worrying if your speaking methods are the norm. I don't think I'll ever be very good at speaking in front of a bunch of people or stating my opinions sufficiently in a group, but if I'm one-on-one with someone I'm alright. Practice! You have a different style of getting your point across...you're what keeps the world interesting!

Answer 3

Thank you for sharing your feelings.
I have been brought up the same way as you. As a child, I didn't get to share my thoughts or discuss my point of view on anything. Either my parents thought I was too young to be involved or I was talking back. So in general, I never got to elaborate on my thoughts and feelings aloud.
At school, my parents didn't allow me to join clubs and sports because BOYs were involved. They were ridiculous.

Now I have only a few friends who I can talk openly to about anything, yet there still is that hold back in me.
I think it had affected me emotionally throughout the years. I am therefore portrayed as shy to people I don't know. I hate the fact that inside I am a butterfly , but outside it is so hard to read me or understand me. So I get fustrated when people misunderstand.

I don't think that will change much, not matter what I do. But I think overcoming the shyness when I want to be a friend, or when I really want to reach out to someone, can really help. You should speak your mind when you feel like it. After all , that is what communication is all about.
If you have a hard time expressing yourself, then start out by doing so with close people who won't criticize you. Keep it natural . Just be open.

Answer 4

This is a more common problem than you may even realize. You may want to try doing the following to overcome your communication issues. Also since you say that you are able to communicate fine when you write, you are in great shape already.
- Whenever possible, imagine a conversation ahead of time. keep your responses ready.
- Stand in front of mirror and practice some interviews. This should put you in a good confidence.
- Start being vocal in meetings. Talk to people often about good subjects. This exercises your mind and communication skills.
Good luck!

Answer 5

I think my Mom has this problem. She always changes the subject, but she is a master at it. I know her really well but I never "catch" that she has done it untill we are well into the next topic. She never talks about things that involve how she really "feels".

I have been trying to help her work on this. I think a big part is thinking about the consequences realistically. "What is the worst thing that can happen if I speak my mind".

What if someone laughs? So what?
What if someone is mad? So what?
What if someone doesn't want to be my friend? So what?

You are an adult now, and safe. You are able to control your environment in a way a child never can.

So if someone laughs, you can walk away.
If someone is mad, they are not going to hit you.
If they don't want to be your friend? Well that happens some times, you can't make everyone like you, especially at the expense of "you".

I hope that gives you a little perspective.

Answer 6

Exact same problem as yours.
Im perhaps too shy or too scared to reveal too much about myself, so I cant communicate my feelings verbally!

During general conversation, i seem to have no problems.
But I cant talk about my negative feelings. I cant talk or tell anyone if I am sad or frustrated.
Its very difficult to tell someone if I have a problem.
When deeply frustrated and angry, I take a pen and just start writing, Pouring out all my discontent. I then read it after one day, and wonder where the anger went!


I havent been able to overcome this communication problem, but I can write them down beautifuly and turned into a freelance writer!

Answer 7

I think that this is quite common for a lot of people. I for one start tripping over words or actually leaving words out. The thing that frustrates me the most is that I will have something very important to say with several key points and I will forget half of it when the time comes. I have found that if I recite the conversation I need to have prior to actually doing so it still doesn't help as much as I need. Writing my thoughts and then going back and reading it helps me narrow down what I need to say and remember everything clearly when the time comes.

Answer 8

I'm the same way. I may sound very eloquent on paper, but in real life, when conversing with others, I sound like a moron sometimes. I use a lot of "um" or I forget words.
I also grew up in a household where I was encouraged to keep quiet. I was allowed opinions, but only if they matched my father's. So, I did a lot of venting through writing.
I can't say that I have conquered it, but I find that rehearsal of anticipated conversations is helpful.

Answer 9

wow,i grew up in a similar household.expressing an opinion wasn't seen as simply having an opinion but it was rather seen as disrespectful because it was considered as talking back to the elders.i wasn't punished but they just saw me as rude whenever i tried to communicate.when i didn't talk and ignored them instead because i thought what they were saying was rude,i still noticed that they gave me stares as if i was the rude one!either way,i never win.they win by default everytime because they're older and wiser while i'm always seen as the young and dumb girl*sigh* i can communicate fine with my friends and am outgoing and smiling:) it's a different story with my family:( to this day,i feel awkward around some of them.my family thinks i'm shy but i'm actually not shy at all.they just don't want to listen when i'm expressing an opinion,so that they'll understand who i really am.it's ironic how i always got the best grades in my english/writing classes.i guess that was the only creative outlet i had growing up.well just sharing my 2 cents.

Answer 10

I have this problem. I think I've gotten better at talking but I'm still nowhere as good as I am when I write.

Just because you are better at writing than you are at talking doesn't mean you still can't express yourself through paper. You can write the things you really wanna say perfectly down in letters or cards and give them to people.

Me and my brother-in-law used to always write letters to each other because we communicated really well that way.

But to get better at talking, you just have to lay it all out in your head. Say it over and over in your head before you say it if you need to. And just try to say it as if you were writing it.

It's something you gotta work on and you have to find the best strategy for it. I've learned to say stuff the way it needs to be said because I have a boyfriend and so when we get in fights or really deep talks I have to be able to say what's on my mind then.