I am soon getting married to my first and only boyfriend, is this bad?

Question

I have never been with anyone else and am about to get married. Sometimes I wonder if I am doing the right thing. I love him. He's been around the block and knows I am the one for him. Sometimes I just wonder if maybe I should have dated other people besides just him. If he is "the one", feedback??

Answer 1

There will always be doubt if he is THE ONE. The problem is that
there is more than one. The question becomes, Is this one, the one that I can live with for a long time? If you are happy and think you can stay that way there is no problem. Marriage is not static and people do change in time. Life events cause that and it cannot be avoided. So you need to decide that, based upon his personality, that he will change with you for the better. Look at him for what he is and imagine where you are going. To wonder if things can be better or to play the field just for comparison's sake can sour what can be more than sufficient for your well being. Put the prospect of others out of your mind. It can only complicate things. It is so difficult to find another person who you connect with at all, that it would be a shame to lose them over
what might have been. An even bigger problem will be to look back in 5 years and think you did it wrong. Do not get wrapped up in wondering about what can be. Focus on what you have.

There Is a number of good answers in this thread. Good Question.

Answer 2

The common cold feet question. Have you had enough fun in your past to last you a lifetime? You probably have fifty questions buzzing around your head right now about if you should or should not get married. Lets nip this in the bud. If he is truly satisfying to you sexually and he is willing to always try something or learn something new to satisfy you both, then your lucky, you have found someone that gets sex. If he isnt, then maybe he could learn. If your question is based more on curiosity of being with other men, then it goes deeper than that. Maybe you are happy with your fiance`, but you just are not ready to settle down. If every memory you have is with him and you dont have any of your own and with friends, then you really havent lived life yet and maybe you two could take a break for a month to let you live life some. If not, all that is going to happen is when you are reaching your late 20's to mid 30's, you are going to want to try it then and by that time you have a family it is going to hurt more than just you two.
Now can people find the love of their life in the first person they have dated, sure, anything can happen. But the likelihood of it happening is unrealistic.

Answer 3

Yes you should have dated other people. You are obviously wondering about it already THATS A CLUE! Can you REALLY go your entire lifetime and never know what its like to date someone else? How on earth could you possibly know he's the ONE when you have nothing else to base the decision on?? Here are some things to think about before you actually get married. Please don't forget there is an ENTIRE, long lifetime after the wedding!!

Consider getting married when you have been together long enough to be out of the infatuation stage. When you have discussed ALL the issues involved in life after the wedding like finances, division of household labor, children, in laws, where to live, jobs, time away with friends, sex (how much and how often), and a million other things you haven't thought of. After all of that you consider each part of the vows, and what you consider is the difficult side of them, anybody can be happy when things are going well so,

richer or poorer....still want to be with them in a shack with crackers ala peanut butter for dinner...for the fourth night in a row?

sickness and health...they develop a chronic physical or mental illness and can't get around and can't work, still want to be there?

better or worse...they are in a car accident and you have to spend the rest of your life feeding them and changing their diapers, still want to be married?

keep yourself only to him or her, can you REALLY only have sex with only that person until you die?

THIS is what marriage is, not a fairy tale where everything goes well everyday, the one guarantee you have is that things WILL go wrong. Remember, you answer all these questions after you have passed infatuation, after you know what their bad points are (yes they have some and so do you) and still consider it anyway.

If you think you are up for all of this then maybe you should think about it. Don't forget to consider whether they would stick by you if it was you in any or all of the above scenarios. Check out the question posted here by married people and keep in mind that all of them thought this was the thing to do and the ONE for them when they got married too!

There is a book out called Lies at the altar by Dr. Robin Smith, it has questions to ask and answer BEFORE the wedding.

Answer 4

This is a really tough one! It's hard to say at this point where things will go. It is entirely possible that curiosity will get to you later on down the road, even if you are happy with this guy. Everyone gets tempted, but a lack of experience with different guys makes that temptation even harder to resist. People are naturally curious about other people. If you are having doubts, put the wedding off for a while until you're sure it's what you really want- better to wait a little longer and be sure than to divorce five years from now because you found someone who may really be "the one."

Answer 5

not being with anyone else is an OK thing..but if your second guessing about getting married, maybe just put it off for a bit. Not that you don't love him or that you should not marry him but it is hard when he is the only person you have been with. I have been married and now divorced and with a great guy now, we have soooooo much in common i love it, because my x and i did not. I can say because of being married and divorced, had some experiences and been through alot that if your not really really sure don't do it.... you just never know what is going to happen, you could be in madly in love and loose it..been there.. i really really loved him and fell out of love..it sucks but it happens..just realize that marriage is a hard thing and expensive to get out of along with if there is kids what they go through, the cost, lawyers, ya loose friends that you would think would be there through thick and thin..divorce just sucks.......

Answer 6

I dont think you should marry until you know for sure he is the one. I know you cant help who you love but, my friend done the same thing. She married her first boyfriend and now they are going through hell. They fight all the time, they have been talking about divorce for a year or more. She says she wishes she would have dated more before getting married. Other guys are out there , some are jerks and some arent. But if you think he is "the one". Then go for it, whos to say he isnt the one for you. I just thought I woud let you in on her situation. I wish you the best of luck!!

Answer 7

Getting married IS scary. Since you've never played around with other guys, your feelings are natural. But, exactly what do you want to try? I doubt your fiance would like it if you decided to sleep with a bunch of different guys, just to see how it would be. After all, are you gonna try a one eyed dwarf? A seven foot tall black guy? Perhaps a midget? No matter what a person does, they are certain to miss something. Miss, what you are getting can be the greatest thing any person can have. Besides, you've saved yourself this long, do you truly want to take that specialness away from your new husband?

Answer 8

Every person and relationship is different. For me and my husband I had two other bfs and he had one other gf before each other. We are without a doubt the right ones for each other. I know what you are feeling though, because I wondered the same thing when we were dating. I thought hard about if I tested the water with other men, but lost him as a result which be worse. For me I realized that other bfs are fun in the begining, but I will never find another person to spend forever with. I also realized I wanted it more because I wanted back the attention I could get in a new relationship, not because I was unhappy with him. You have to make your own decision, but I hope this helps.

Answer 9

I think there's nothing wrong with marrying your first love. It's romantic and very traditional. My parents were never with anyone else and they've been married 25 years. I married my first love and we've been together for 8 years now. I don't regret it at all. Besides, I have single friends that tell me that I'm not missing much. There's a lot of jerks out there. If you have someone that loves you and wants you for his wife, I say . . . go for it!

Answer 10

I think what you are feeling seems like normal wedding jitters. How close is the wedding? If these feelings come and go then I wouldn't worry to much about them. But if they linger and his history really bothers you then you need to talk to him. You can't fault him for his past that's not fair to him. He asked you to marry him so he obviously loves you. You have to except that he has had past relationships. Is he older than you? That makes a lot of sense that he has been through more. Lastly, just because his other relationships didn't work and you haven't had any doesn't mean that yours won't work out. If you love him then marry him. If you just love the "idea" of him then it might be past to not get married.