Would you stay with your man if he had been abused as a child and had thoughts of...?

Question

Say the adult man in your life, who has been a good man all his life, was molested as a child and just recently started to go to counselling for it. He decided to start counselling after he became recently aware of CONTROLLABLE thoughts of molesting other people the same age he was when he was abused. Besides this, he is aware of little other lasting trauma from the sexual abuse.

How much of this would you want your man to tell you about? Would you honestly leave him at some point if he told you about his thoughts about young people? This is a serious question and no, I am not talking about myself.

So, is it the opinion of most that a man should keep his abuse and his counselling a secret from his girl or else the relationship is doomed?

Answer 1

I think honesty is the best policy. Either you can handle it or you can't. It doesn't make you wrong or right either way. You decide if you can deal with this or not. Me personally.. I would leave quickly! Only because I have worked in mental health for 9 years and most people that have those thoughts or wants don't usually change. (I did say USUALLY) I do feel sorry for the fella if it happened to him but if he thought it were wrong he would not have those thoughts. This is a question that only you can answer for yourself!

Answer 2

No questions asked, get out of the situation. Of course, I believe that deep down inside of every human being there is a small part of them that is good, some more than others, but until he gets the help he needs, there is no sense risking something happening to a child. Sure, we realize that people who abuse were more than likely abused themselves, and that is why they say they cannot control those urges, but if you have the opportunity to move on and let him get the help that he needs, I would do that, instead of always have to worry and wonder if something would happen with a child...I don't think that these kinds of people can really ever control themselves without severe counseling and even medication...

Answer 3

I was abused as a child and my husband knows and he stays with me....
Anyone can have bad thoughts - you'd probably faint if you knew somethings others have thought of!
As long as he is getting treatment and has admitted there's a problem - this man can be helped. You don't need to hear his every thought of abuse --- he will learn how to handle such thoughts as he gets more involved in his therapy. He should have an accountability partner if he's in a treatment program, if he doesn't you should enquire about him getting one.
Would I leave my husband if he had thoughts of abusing - no, I wouldn't....but that (having those thoughts) is consistent behavior of someone who's been sexually abused. Most of us have had thoughts of killing someone; especially women who've endured a marriage where the man cheated and lied constantly.
If you don't want this kind of stress in a marriage then it's best you end it now.

Answer 4

if u r talking about urself there's nothing to be ashamed of.. why wouldn't u stay.. it's not his fault, he's acting out cause of what was done to him.. that's normal.. he just should've gotten counseling sooner.. that's good that he's doing something about it and hopefully he'll heal sooner than later.. but sometimes people don't heal at all and they still turn out to be monsters..

now if u have kids then u need to leave him asap..

but if no kids then if u don't see any progress or if he still has fantasy's and never tells how he feels good that he's getting the help that he needs then i would leave him.. but leaving may only add fire to the fuel because then it'll show u have no faith in him whatsoever, and what he needs is a friend...

Answer 5

If he is only having these feelings and not acting on them, then you should stay and help him with his problem.Most people that are abused as children will do the same thing, usually. But it sounds like he is wanting help and is getting it for the trauma. He could probably use some support.

Answer 6

Have you ever heard the song " Stand by your man. I would help him fight the emotions he has. Look at it this way. He was open and honest with you about a very disastrous time in his life. He is being honest with you about the feelings he is having now. He could of just kept those thoughts to himself and not get any help. Wow he must think highly of you to confide in you and now you want to run?

Answer 7

i personally wouldn't be able to stay with him, i have children and i would never know that kind of information and stay with him. If you don't have children now then you may in the future.
It is good that he came to tell you, i couldn't imagine going through such trauma, im glad that he is seeking help,but knowing that he wants to mess with children would make me run like h3ll, and especially because he knows the pain that, that causes. I would hate it if he even lived in my neighbor hood, so no i would not stay with him.

Answer 8

It's not uncommon for someone who has had a traumatic experience to relive it in their mind and to help deal with it by reversing roles.

He is having thoughts ... not desires. He knows these thoughts are a problem and he has gone for help.

He had a traumatic experience that he wasn't mentally or emotionally equipped to handle, and he realizes that he has ongoing issues resulting from this, and he is trying to get help.

No, I wouldn't leave him.

Answer 9

I dont think I could stay with a man that had desire to hurt children in that way. He of all people would know how traumatizing that is and how it ruins lives. I would walk.

Answer 10

You don't leave him. You support his need for help. And you stay by him and help him when he needs and wants. You go with him to counselling. I know what he's going through.