How can I talk to him about it without making him feel like I am complaining?

Question

It has been bothering me for some quite time. I spoke to my boyfriend on the phone today. We talked about different things but I felt quite upset about the phone call. He didn't sound so happy to hear me and he didn't show so much enthusiasm? I mean he wasn't bad to me but he was just not showing me that he is happy to talk to me? I asked him a couple of times if he was ok and he said that he was and then when I asked him again, he got irritated with me and he asked me in an annoyed way if there is anything he said that would make me ask him all the time if he was ok? He said to me that I also sound strange. I saw him last weekend and he was the sweetest guy to me, today he sounded as if he is not the same guy. He was coming back from work when I called so maybe he wasn't relaxed enough but it's not the first time that I feel like this after phoning him? I want to tell him about it but I am scared to make a fight out of it as I don't want him to think that I am complaining.

Answer 1

The two of you need to talk. Open communication is the BIGGEST must in a relationship. What are you afraid of? Are you not comfortable talking with him. Just make sure you are not doing a lot of whining about nothing. Some females just don't know when to "Leave it alone"...tell him what you have written to us. If your relationship is meant to be, telling him of your concerns shouldn't be a problem...BUT, after all the talking is done, you are still wise to go with your gut feeling. If you feel things are not good between you...move on.

Answer 2

Hi Vi,
Not all guys like talking on the phone and sometimes their voice comes off sounding harsh. Perhaps his mind was still on work or he was tired, don't always assume it is you that is affecting his mood when you talk to him on the phone. However, if this continues to be an issue every-time you call him, then perhaps you should sit him down somewhere there is no distractions, and let him know how it is affecting your feelings. Be careful not to accuse him, but rather tell him it is how it makes you feel. And that you are entitled to your feelings, then ask him if there is a better time of day or night he would feel more relaxed to talk to you over the phone. That way you and he could set a date each day to talk on the phone uninterrupted and relaxed and you could have him all to yourself. I hope this helps you. Good luck, I have tried this approach and it has worked wonders for me and my guy.

Answer 3

take a deep breath, and step back. look at what u just wrote:

u are scared to talk to him
u feel he sounds strange
he is different than he was before
u don't want to start a fight out of ur Valid feelings

this is not a good relationship... u guys are not communicating in a healthy, positive way. there always going to be problems in a relationship, so that's not the problem. the problem is, how do u guys go about fixing it? are both of u willing to work on it, no matter what it takes? i can see that u care about him a lot, and u never want to "Step on his toes". *but*.... of all toes to step on, shouldn't u be able to bring up subjects w/ him and talk about them without worrying about him getting mad??? this guy is supposed to love and respect you..so why is he getting mad over stupid stuff? there is something going on... and it's not you. it's him. u need to talk to him, and figure out what u want in this relationship.

do u think u work on being a good girlfriend? then what do u think a good boyfriend is? tell him what u need from him, not because u are a brat and selfish, but because u also want to do what is right for the both of u. ask him what he wants from you. to just sit there quiet and dumb while he treats u like crap? cuz if someone told me that, i'd be like "smell ya later". that is NOT my dream boyfriend, sorry. and i am not gonna sit there and be all lovey dovey when my needs are not met!!

talk to him, and give him a chance to explain himself. if u love him, u will give him the chance to change, and work on the relationship. if he loves u, he will try. but that doesnt' guarantee u guys will make it, but it will help u guys MOVE FORWARD. if he doesn't listen to u, or gets angry, makes u sad, doesn't try to help the situatio, then he's not good enough for u. he's not right for u. even if he does love u, if he can't, or doesn't know, how to treat you Right, then u need to find someone who DOES.

Answer 4

Don't nag him.To ask over and over again is nagging.Men aren't as emotional as women,and are not proned to show their emotions about small stuff.If something is bothering him he will let you know in his own time (most men do this,they don't want to feel pressured into talking about emotional stuff like feelings.)All you can do is take his word for it. It is possible that he is becoming aggravated by such a question.It makes it seem like you are insecure or needy, and that could be turning him off.Just lay off the questions for awhile.Give him a little space and time.Good Luck!!!!