my man left me for my best friend. forgive??

Question

last year my boyfriend of 6 years left me for 3 mts while he had an affair with my best friend of 10 years. I didnt know while this was going on that she was who he was seeing. Her, being my only friend i went toher b.c. i was in pain, not knowing all along she was the reason my man left me. After the 3 mt affair, my boyfriend decided he wanted to be with me again. I took him back. Since then.... i have had alot of emotional baggage, and dontknow if i can ever open up and trust him again. I have tryed to forgive my best friend as well, altho we only comunicate threw e-mails. I havent had the courage to face her in person. I miss being in love with my man ... and i miss having my best friend. I am depressed over this.. and just want these feelings to go away... Any advise?

Answer 1

You are a very forgiving and loving person. And, you're still angry about what happened. There's nothing unusual about that. It's normal. There are two issues here.

First, you and your boyfriend need to determine if you can save your relationship. The article below helped me in deciding what I needed to do. If you decide to stay together, you will need to see a marriage/relationship counselor to help you work through it all.

Second, you need to work out the feelings of betrayal that your so-called best friend has left you with. The counselor can tell you whether to do that now or later. At some point, all three of you may need to see the counselor together.

I don't think you can do this without some professional help.

Answer 2

The only way that you can get over this pain is to go through it. You can't go around it or ignore it. You have been majorly betrayed by 2 of the people that you were closest to in life. That would be overwhelming and depressing to anyone. As I read you question, I am thinking that you have given these 2 selfish people too much of yourself. You gave them your love, trust, confidence, patience, understanding, kindness, forgiveness, and now you're giving them your self-esteem. They are not worthy of you or your friendship. Your healing might be able to truly begin if you get both of them out of your life. This is too much for you to deal with, especially with your BF right in your face. I know that everytime you look at him you have got to think of how they used to hold each other or how you confided in your best friend and all the while she was screwing your BF. It is enough to drive an otherwise sound thinking person insane. My blood is boiling just visualizing the scenario. You need to move on with your life without either of them. NEWSFLASH---neither of them have your best interest in mind and neither can be trusted. It's not like they had a one time fling which would still be fuc*ed up. The lies and deceit went on for months. For all you know it could still be happening. You are worthy of so much more but only you can assert yourself and reclaim your dignity from the lost and found. I am not trying to be hurtful because I empathize with you but I am giving it to you straight up, with no chaser. GOOD LUCK and GOD BLESS!

Answer 3

OMG this happened to me. BF of 5 yrs, BFF of 10 yrs. They ran off into the sunset with one another and I was Crushed with a capital C. On top of that I have a child with him. They ended up breaking up a few months later. I did not take my boyfriend back, but that's certainly up to you - just be careful. He has proven himself not too trustworthy, and he had to have known what this would do to you. I also didn't reconcile with my friend, and that is one of the biggest regrets of my life. It's been 4 years now and I still think about that friendship all the time. Ironically, I have moved on from the boyfriend and he has become one of my best friends. Hang in there and try your hardest to forgive. But don't forget - someone should have to prove themselves trustworthy again before you invest a whole lot in rebuilding the relationship. Good luck!!!

Answer 4

Girl, really, you need to drop both of those people as soon as your done reading this. There is no forgiveness for what they have done. None. Everybody has to have boundaries that cannot be crossed. If you widen your boundaries to be able to forgive what they did your only opening yourself up for more bad treatment. If she was really your bf and he really loved you this would have NEVER happened.

Answer 5

Youve made a big mistake by taking him back. I could understand if it was a one night one time thing however three months is unacceptable. Believe me there is other fish in the sea and by staying with him your only hurting your self esteem. As for the girl friend she is not friend...A wise woman once told me "Dont tell me you like me because liking leads lovin, lovin leads to f****** and you aint F****** me!!! DUMP THEM BOTH

Answer 6

girl this is one thing i can tell it this true friends dont do this to you wouldn't never do this to you. you need to get ried of them make new friends find you and good man that want do this to you. your man is sorry as man and you friend is as sorry as he is. show there *** you dont need them to make it in this world. if he cheats once best bet he'll do it again next time it we be worse.

best of luck

hope you take what i said to heart!

Answer 7

GO WITH HIM AND FORGIVE AND TELL HIM YOU WANT TO TAKE IT SLOW FROM THE BEGINING AND NOT SO SERIOUS START ALL OVER AGAIN FROM STEP ONE,AND FOR YOUR BEST FREIND FORGIVE START ALL OVERAGAIN,CUASE YEARS LATER YOU MIGHT HAVE REGRET AND CANT DO NOTHING ABOUT IT, DONT REGRET WHAT YOU DO REGRET WHAT YOU DONT DO,AND LIVE EVERYDAY LIKE ITS YOUR LAST

Answer 8

It will never be the same. I believe in forgiveness, especially if they where safe, but that was so mean to you.

Answer 9

Kick them both out of your life and start fresh.

Answer 10

dump them both. you don't need trash like that in your life. you can find a better man and a real friend.