we have been together since the last 4 years, but have been physical for the past 2 years. he has been clear he wont leave his family for me. i dont want him to too, but would like to be with him for the rest of my life even if it means leaving my family and my social circle/
2006-08-10 07:44:58 · 96 answers · asked by Kavita A 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
//EDITED: PLEASE READ//
Your story is so sad... and so real. You are honest with this, and so i am going to trust you with some valuable advice- unlike most of the advice on this page....
Just a tip: His wife is bound to find out about the affair sometime. And even if she doesnt, what will it feel like to live in secret for your entire life, no family, alone- but a guy who talks to you every few days before he has to go and do stuff with his WIFE. even if he seems like the right guy now.... what will you say later?
This is your decesion, i think its the wrong choice to ask someone this on yahoo answers. This is what i tell all people who ask these life changing questions, even though you sound like a very respectable person who would only use these things as advice./ but no matter how innocent pinkbubbles64 (it would be creepy if someone using that name actually answered this... haha) sounds... he/she mighnt just screw up your life forever. I hope that you take my comment into mind, becuase these people dont know the whole situation. Their ideas might mess something up for you, even though I really DO trust that you are wise enough to sort the good and the bad. Please remember this answer, and keep it in mind. Pass the same knowledge on to others, that not everyone can be trusted on here, even if we would like to. And that they dont always know the whole story. Your opinon does not have to be theirs.
My only advice is-- make sure you can recognize true love, and embrace it until you can no longer. Even if that means starting over and searching again.
2006-08-10 07:59:29 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 4⤋
Oh my, how sad....not only for his wife but for you as well. What most women who date married men don't understand is the lack of respect that he is showing both of you.
Put yourself in her shoes. You've been married now for about 6 or 7 years. You may be experiencing a few marital problems, but you love your husband and you're willing to work it out. Let's also picture a child or two. You wake up one morning feeling ready to face the day. As you come downstairs, in the house you both purchased and spent time decorating and fixing up together, you see your husband still sitting at the kitchen table. Your heart flutters for some untold reason. You sense something unpleasant is about to happen. As you walk in he tells you that you need to talk. Grabbing your cup of coffee or tea you sit down and brace yourself. He then begins to tell you that for the past few months he has been seeing someone else.
It doesn't make a pretty picture. No matter how much you feel you are in love with him, or vice versa, a marriage is a marriage. You need to let him handle whatever problems he has with his wife before you can even begin to expect having a relationship with him. Naturally he is telling you he can't leave his wife because they've built an entire life around each other together. Marriage is not glorified dating. It is an entire lifestyle. Everything you do from the time you get married is for the good of the marriage. Your retirements, your life insurance, your children, their education, your house, your cars...there isn't a single thing that isn't affected by it. By saying the words "I do" you're making a commitment to that person. If he isn't able to figure it out on his own, you need to be the grown up here and let him fix his own problems. If you still have doubts, grab a hold of all the affection you feel for him right now, and imagine what it would feel like for him to sit in front of you and tell you he's been seeing someone else.
Good luck!
2006-08-10 07:54:58 · answer #2 · answered by buford_bargain_hunter 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He will never give up his family for you. It is wrong to be involved with a person you know to be married. You are not only affecting your own life, but his familys lives too. Once a person cheats, they are always a cheat, what makes you think it would be any different with you? It says alot about his character if he would sneak around, as well as yours.
If he is so unhappy with having a wife and family, perhaps he should get divorced. The sad thing is the wife is giving the best years of her life to someone who is not loyal. That robs her of the chance to go and find some happiness. Obviously he has already done that for himself.
With women outnumbering men, you mean that you can't find a single man to get involved with? To be involved with him is only helping him carry on this behavior. And to do it knowing full well he is married, is pretty shameful.
Go find a single guy instead of looking for validation to justify your behavior.
2006-08-10 07:56:36 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
What's wrong with you? Can't you find a single man of your own? Don't you realize that he doesn't love you and is only using you for sex, he doesn't love you and he never will, and that's the reason why he won't leave his wife. He's got you wrapped around his little finger like the bimbo he thinks you are. I hope for your sake that someday soon you'll wake up and realize he's using you for his own personal pleasure. If you told him you didn't want to see him anymore I'm sure it wouldn't bother him and he'd find someone else to take care of his needs. Your nothing more than a faithful fuc* for him. If he called you right now I bet you'd be running out the door to meet him. "He's married", you'll never ever have him fully. He'll always go home to his loving wife. Doesn't it bother you to know that everynight while you lay in bed all alone, he's suggled up in bed with the woman he married? You need to find someone that is single and respects women because it's obvious that he don't. He cheats on his wife and he's using you. You both need to respect his marriage vows. Adultry is a sin, but it seems like neither one of you have morals. Make the right choice and walk away from him. There's Billions of other men out there to choose from. Single ones too.
2006-08-10 08:13:09 · answer #4 · answered by CLM 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow! On so many levels...
It's unfortunate that you've fallen for a married man. You can't help the way you feel. You can change your mind, but you can't change your heart.
You do have control over what you decide to do about it.
I'd like you to imagine, for a second, that you are this guys wife. Imagine investing your life, love and time into your marriage and family only to find out that your husband can't even manage to be faithful to you...I would imagine that you'd be crushed, to say the least.
Do you really want to be with someone that has such a lack of respect for his "loved" ones that he would put them through such a torrid ordeal? I don't even know him, but it doesn't say much for his loyalty, character or integrity.
You're probably young. Scamper off and find someone your age that doesn't have such obligations. Find yourself a guy that will treat you fairly and be devoted to you and only you.
Best of luck, I hope you come to your senses...
2006-08-10 08:01:03 · answer #5 · answered by Sara 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No one takes the side of the home-wrecker (you) as you can see by all the names people are calling you. Is that the kind of life you want? To be called names and shunned by society?
The MAN in this relationship should be shot for doing this to his wife AND you...but you had free will to get involved with a married man.
1. What self esteem issues keep you in this horrible relationship? He WON'T leave his family for you - that's horrible enough right there (for you).
2. Do you not DESERVE a man who will love you and treat YOU first in his life - YES - you do!
3..Doesn't your family deserve to be PROUD of you and your relationship - If you were my daughter I would cry and be so embarrassed and ashamed of you for this relationship.
4. If you were married - would it be okay if your husband was cheating on you? I don't think so.
PLEASE END THE RELATIONSHIP NOW FOR EVERYONE'S SAKE.
2006-08-10 07:54:34 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't seriously mean that. Nobody in their right mind would willingly play second fiddle for the rest of their life. He'll always have to be with "his" family on holidays, and you'll be alone. You can't be together in public, ever, because someone might see you. You can't tell little endearing stories about each other to your friends. You'll always have to be a "secret", and you won't ever be able to be "a couple" in public. I think that's a very sad way to live.
And even it some "miracle" should occur and he does leave his family for you, will you ever really be able to trust him entirely? "Once a cheater, always a cheater" is a pretty true statement. Cheating is the way you two got together, after all.
2006-08-10 07:55:42 · answer #7 · answered by kj 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
So you don't ever want a family of your own? You can't have achild with him. What will you tell that child ? Oh Daddy doesn't live with us because he has another family. Are you content to always take the back seat? Can't you see this man has the best of both worlds. He has his nice little family that he comes home to every day and when this gets boring or frustrating he comes and has sex with you. Doesn't this sound a little bit one sided? I think you are stuck on this guy and will do anything for him but you really need to sit back and think about where you will be in 10 yrs. Living in some apt. waiting for him to call every night? Some life. No thanks.
2006-08-10 07:54:56 · answer #8 · answered by curiosity 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Girl, why would you settle. There are so many other men out there. Many men will treat you better. Obviously this man doesn't care for you the same if he will not leave his family for you. I have a friend that is in the same situation, and yeah it might be fun. But is it worth it? Do you just want to be the 'other' woman? You should just move on. I know it will be hard to. You'll think about him, etc. But you can do it. You can find someone who will love you, and stay with you forever.
2006-08-10 07:53:57 · answer #9 · answered by Susa 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This isn't love its lust. There is nothing romantic or passionate about sleeping with another woman's husband. Don't you know that is one of the 10 Commandments of Our Lord and Savior. Trust me nothing good will come from this and if its just sex you need then you should try finding it somewhere else. What if you were in this woman's position and your husband was cheating on you? How would you feel then? I don't mean to judge but its women bad women like you who destroy any chance of a good woman being happpy because you have ruined a family. There will always be a consequence for your wrong doings in life and this is just low. Believe me what you are doing in the dark will come to the light and he will deny any involvement with you but it will be too late because a family will be ruined and for what a few hours of sex? Think about the children and stop being selfish for your own need. God don't like ugly and your actions are just that ugly to the bone. I'm gonna pray for your soul.
2006-08-10 07:56:41 · answer #10 · answered by sharethalove 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If it's true love, you must continue this. True love happens rare and only few lucky ones get it in their lifetime. People who criticise such relationship probably haven't experienc d what true love is. Marriage is an institution set up by us, sometimes we may chose not to spoil lives of others associated with us as they may be depending on us financially or emotionally. It's not cheating but it's being mature about the whole stuff. True love does not require one to have relationship label and any love is all about freedom so if you believe that this is true love, you should embrace it, talk to the partner and make sure how best to tackle the situation so that it is win win for all.
2015-09-25 00:15:54 · answer #11 · answered by ? 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋