I was married for 15 years, and a year after the divorce he told me that he was gay. We had to 2 kids together, and he hasnt told them that he is gay. Now he has a "friend". Both are teenage girls, I have asked him to tell them but he hasnt yet. I dont want to be the one that tells them....but I think they are starting to get suspicious....what should I do???
2006-08-10 06:40:14 · 16 answers · asked by hockeyfan 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
that's a tough situation. My uncle was married for 20 years and then came out of the closet and ended his marriage. He had a 17 yr old daughter and told her right away. but his ex-wife was so devastated and bitter that it put a real strain on the relationship with his daughter. You seem like your quite stable and mature. My advice would be to tell him that the two of you will sit down together to tell the girls...that way he gets your support and they do as well. It would be healthy for them to see that your both still there for them. just hold him to it. sticky situation though....hope that helps hon!
2006-08-10 06:54:22 · answer #1 · answered by Joeygirl 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If I was you I would tell your girls. At 15 they are pretty smart, and don't be surprised if they already know his secret.
By you telling them, even if you break down and cry, they will have their honest reactions with you, and appreciate you being the one to tell them rather than him. He is the one who wronged you and lied to you and hurt you all. This way, they will have time to think about it all and plan what they want to say to him. I am sure they will be angry for what he has done to you. They love their dad too however, but this kind of thing is very difficult for a child to accept so don't let him be the one to tell him, you do it and you can be there to comfort them because it will be a shock even if they suspect.
I am happy that he is out of your life because you will be much happier in future and you will likely find a wonderful man down the road and be happier than you could possibly imagine right now.
2006-08-10 13:51:27 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well hockey fan I'd suggest if you two are still friends as you say that you have a good sit down and discuss the situation and best way for your daughters to be informed of this. Do so in an open and honest manner and don't hold back. Perhaps the two of you should sit down with these teenage girls and tell them as a family unit. Best of luck to both you and your ex in resolving this. And root for the Maple Leafs this season eh? Ha!
2006-08-10 13:52:38 · answer #3 · answered by crazylegs 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The children should be able to understand. It would be better for him to be there when they are told so that he can answer their questions, but if he isn't willing. Tell them on your own and explain that it doesn't change anything. He is still there father. You said they seem suspicious so they probably won't be surprised. Put the situation in the brightest light possible for them. Don't act upset about it or anything, or they'll think there's somthing wrong with him being gay. You don't want them to judge him for it.
2006-08-10 14:07:22 · answer #4 · answered by ladyg 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you have repeatedly ask your x to tell the girls and he hasn't then I think you should. They shouldn't have to find out on their own and be shocked and possibly embarrassed. I don't think you should take the chance of them finding out from a friend or someone else. The are teenagers which should make it a little easier. At least if you tell them you can let them know that you did try to get the dad to tell them but since he hasn't you felt you should before they found out another way. Also if you tell them you are there to try to answer any questions as best you can and to comfort them. Then it is up to them to go to their dad if they desire with any remaining questions or feelings they have.
2006-08-10 13:58:06 · answer #5 · answered by looking for answers 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell your daughters. I am sure they have figured it out, but tell them anyway. If you have joint custody, tell him not have his "friend" sleeping over when the girls are there.
tell them that daddy doesn't like mommy anymore because, he likes it up the **** from other boys. No seriously why would you leave your kids hanging out there like that. If he is to big of p ussy (no pun intended) to tell them, then you let them know.
As much as it hurts you, I am glad you posted this......it just goes to show people that you are not born gay, it is a decision. I hope you situation gets better, find some hot young stud, that will make your Ex really jealous.
2006-08-10 13:55:23 · answer #6 · answered by Highroller 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's not for you to tell your children that he's gay. The worse thing that could happen is that your children will not believe you and will hate you for "bad mouthing" their father--- even if they are already suspicious. Do not be the first one to volunteer any information. They are teenagers, they already know how to think and feel.
If your children asks you about their father's sexuality, then tell them, but ask them to talk to their father so they will know the details.
If your ex- loves your children, he will come clean to them.
All you could do is convince you ex- to do what is right.
2006-08-10 13:51:05 · answer #7 · answered by stardustalpha2010 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him to tell your kids. This isn't a situation that you could hide from your kids, and it's already been a year. The more you prolong it, the worse your kids will react because you've kept it hidden. I know if my parents kept a secret from me, I would be angry because I am part of the family, and as family, I deserve to know. It's something that he, not you, has to tell them.
2006-08-10 13:48:06 · answer #8 · answered by musicrazy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My advice would be don't tell if you are not asked by your children. Leave it up to your ex, he will have to deal with the consequences of not telling them sooner. You also don't want to look as if you are being spiteful by telling them when he should be the one to tell. If you are asked the by being a parent you are obligated to tell the truth in a manner that does not demean their father...just the truth.
2006-08-10 13:47:18 · answer #9 · answered by souljasix8 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's his problem, let him handle it. If the girls are teenagers, they already know more than you think. I'm always amazed when parents find out their darling little children are not brain dead. But then some of them are.
Vaya con DIOS
2006-08-10 14:14:10 · answer #10 · answered by chrisbrown_222 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋