tuesday morning..tuesday night i went with him to his grandma's and stayed and wednesday night i went to the setting up with him...the funeral was today..and i couldn't get off at 10 this morning for it...my supervisor is out of town and my manager had a phone conference that started at 10...so there was no way for me to go...my boyfriend just came and brought me lunch but was upset with me...he said he would not have done me like that...he is mad with me because i couldn't go...i had already told him tuesday that i wouldn't be able to and i told his grandma last night that i was sorry and i wasn't going to be able to get there because of my job...should i feel guilty or is that just what he is trying to do and should he?????just want your opinions please...
2006-08-10 06:22:40 · 31 answers · asked by Anonymous in Entertainment & Music ➔ Polls & Surveys
This is a tough time for your boyfriend. He was probably pretty close to grampa, and he wanted you to be there. It's a family thing, and you not being there (No matter what the reason) makes the family suspicious about how serious your intentions are with the boyfriend... or it makes them wonder how well he treats you. This is why your boyfriend is so upset, and since someone he knew died, his emotional state is, understandably, not as stable as usual.
However, it was not your fault that you couldn't be there. If it's a choice between a stiff, and your job.. Well, I like making money, so I'd stick with the job. You should be upset that to go to a funeral you'd have to lay your job on the line though. There shouldn't be anything about a job so important that you can't drop it all for a few hours after someone dies.
Well, now you know what it feels like to have a guilt trip laid on you. I used to get that all the time when I dated. There's no really good way to get out of them either.
2006-08-12 13:39:40 · answer #1 · answered by ye_river_xiv 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Could you have maybe called your supervisor the day before if you knew she was going to have the conference call today? Many companies would not have excused either way. A blood relative is one thing - but the grandfather of a boyfriend? That would be hard to excuse.
You did visit the Grandmother with your boyfriend. You can be there for your boyfriend. You did all you could. Send a card and make casserole. Your boyfriend is just going to have to get over this.
2006-08-10 06:35:27 · answer #2 · answered by Think.for.your.self 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have bent over backward to try to be there for him. You have touched all the bases. I think your bf is venting his pain on you. Please don't feel guilty. If you bf continues to act this way...please find someone who truly appreciates you...don't let someone abuse you or make you feel small or guilty. You've done NOTHING wrong. You are not married to this guy. You did your best. You need your job. You did your part in the funeral arrangements - and being there for them when you could. What more could you have done? He needs to understand your situation, and, if he can't, you need to move on, because this could be an on going behavior with him. You don't need someone who is that needy and spoiled.... you need a partner. Granted, it might just be the pain of this, but if it does not stop ASAP, move on. You sound like an incredibly responsible and giving person, a real sweet heart, don't waste your time with someone who doesn't give that back to you. It's give and take... not just give give give.
2006-08-10 06:32:24 · answer #3 · answered by Flyleaf 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok... Yes and no... (yeah, there's no straight answer)... In a sence, you should feel bad, not guilty, that you were not able to come to the funeral. But that is your own feelings, and in reality, it's something that you shouldn't feel too guilty as you were there and told the grandma that you were unable to get off...
What is really going on with your boyfriend is that he is grieving... and It shows that he loved his grandpa a lot... You need to be there for him... Understand that what he is doing is lashing out at something to try to deal with his greif... With a death of a loved one, that will happen... I'd suggest that anythign he does to yell at your, blame you for stuff, etc.. for the next month at least I would do what you can, but take it with a grain of salt... He seems to be taking it hard... Hug him... cuddle with him... tell him you love him... and help him out with it...
GOod Luck!
2006-08-10 06:36:42 · answer #4 · answered by Rob D 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your boyfriend is probably just hurt and lashing out at someone. Easiest person always being the one you love. No you should not feel guilty, although its only natural to. You wish you could have been there for him but sometimes things come up that are unavoidable. He will realise this when he is less upset and had time to think things through. For the moment just let him know you love him and try to be there for him as much as possible. He might not appreciate it now but he will in time.
2006-08-10 06:29:59 · answer #5 · answered by K 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If there was absolutely no way you could have gotten off work, you shouldn't feel guilty. Otherwise, you should have gone. Sometimes, you don't realize how important it is to attend funerals until it's for someone you love.
Don't read too much into your boyfriend's reaction. Grief is a powerful thing, and it often comes out in odd ways.
2006-08-10 06:33:23 · answer #6 · answered by Caritas 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you did all that you could do short of quitting your job and did he really want you to do that? Then what would have happened when the funeral was over after an hour and you're unemployed and can't spend time with your boyfriend because you're out looking for a new job?
2006-08-10 06:34:55 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dont Feel Guilty. try to understand he is in moruning. Just remind him you where there for ecerything else which is well over girlfriend duty and im pretty sure the rest of his family might not have likes having a stranger see them at a moment like that. I have been with my guy for 2 years now and when my uncle passed on he didnt go with me because that part of my family dosent know him too well and well its just not right and it makes people unconfortable. and that is the worst time to make them feel that way.
2006-08-10 06:34:10 · answer #8 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can't think of any job that gives time off for your BF/GF death in their family. He shouldn't come down on you for that. I couldnot get off for a close friend's funeral but did go to the viewing. Everybody there told me they know how bosses can be. I still felt bad. Your BF needs to be more understanding. He should be telling you to not feel bad about not going. Oh yea. Sorry for your loss.
2006-08-10 06:40:00 · answer #9 · answered by ancestorhorse 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I went through the very same thing. Boyfriend"s granpa,like a dad to him, I could not get off work,iwas threatened I would be fired. What a horrible feeling. wanting to be with the one you love to give support and can't be!!!! Just remember he is hurting and grieving!!!Be there as much as you can for him. Unfortunately jobs and money make world go around!!! Hopefully he will come around be extra patient with him!!! Good luck
2006-08-10 06:32:37 · answer #10 · answered by hillbilly wife 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋