have any one feel guilty about the past? how you deal with it.?

Question

i cant stop crying thinking about it. it used to be just when i go to sleep now i cant control the feeling even when im in public and start crying .
please only those whom knows the answer with expericed or a professional. most appreciated.

Answer 1

Guilt is something good, because it's something from within. Something from within is something in you and therefore something that you can affect and perhaps even eventually control.

Sometimes guilt is a result of your own refusal to forgive yourself for a mistake that you have made. If that fits your problem, here's a way that may help you climb out of this hole.

Step One:
Think about this: what is causing your guilt? Do you know? Identify the source of your guilt. The exact source. You must be able to finish the sentence, "I feel guilty about ----BLANK----." OK that's the first step. You have identified the reason for your guilt. You will probably find more than one reason, and more than one source of your guilt.

Make a list of all the things you're guilty about. Like this:
I'M GUILTY ABOUT:
1) Not taking my dog for walks daily.
2) Not making my baby sister a sandwich when she was hungry.
3) Not helping my mother with the dishes last night.
This list won't take away your guilt in any way, even if it makes you feel better to make the list. You are still a long way from losing the guilt. Keep going.

Now, here is how you are going to battle and eventually KILL the guilt!

Step Two:
Find another person that you don't know who has done the same thing you are guilty about. Meet this person on the bus, at a coffee shop, in line at the theater, any public place. This MUST be a person you do not know.

You might feel odd asking a total stranger "Do you ever have dinner and not help your mom with the dishes afterwards?"; "Do you have a baby sister who was hungry once and you didn't make her a sandwich?"; "Did your dog need a walk and you just left her in the yard instead?" As a matter of fact, you probably WILL feel odd. But you are busy battling the guilt, not trying to fit in with every conformist in the world! You are going to KILL this guilt!

Step Three:
Once you have found the person you need, talk to the person abut the incident. Find out why the person did it. Find out what the effects and consequences of the actions were. Find out all the details that concerned the incident. Find out how everything happened.

Get mad at the person. Scold the person. Tell the person "I did exactly the same thing you did and I think it's shameful!" Actually goad the person into yelling back at you. Tell the person what YOU did, how you did it and why you think it's so awful. Your goal is to get the person to blame you for doing what YOU did, because you are trying to blame the person for what HE (or she) did. Be careful not to insult the other person, and DO NOT be rude or mean. Just lay calmly lay blame on the other person as if you are totally innocent. Scold, but don't yell, don't be rude, don't be mean.

The person should start scolding back. You have succeeded. If the person is very good at scolding, you will no longer be guilty or feel guilty. If you still feel guilty, find another person to scold back at you.

Eventually you will start to feel silly about the whole thing. When you feel more silly and less guilty, you will be able to look back on your guilty incidents on that list and laugh at them. You certainly will not ever be in a mood to do any of those things again!

Step Four:
Once you have finished going through your list, look at it again. Review every incident, every source of guilt. Now, laugh at them. Realize how silly the situation is. Think about it clearly and without emotion. Smile when you do this. It is important that you smile when you read the list. If you don't feel like smiling, just smile on purpose.
For example:
My poor dog needs a walk every day. SMILE. I'm a pretty silly person not to get off my duff and take the dog for a walk. SMILE. It's just a simple little thing. LOL, my dog just needs a walk. It's not the end of the world if I take my dog for a walk (make my sister a sandwich; do the dishes for my mom). SMILE. I won't faint. LOL.

If the things you feel really bad about are too embarrassing or too personal, you can still try this method. Just cross out the things on the list, leaving only the minor superficial things. Find other minor things you are guilty about that won't embarrass you.

Now, go through your list anyway. You will still be learning internally how to deal with your guilt, even if you aren't killing the specific guilt. You will still feel better.

When you have completed step four, look at the things you crossed out. Try step four with the things you crossed out. Your brain will have developed a pattern to deal with those things too!

Hope this helps!

Answer 2

I have had lots of therapy on this subject. 1st, I recommend getting a good therapist that understands you and takes you seriously. Talk with him/her specifically about what it is you are grieving about (this is going to hurt but all worth it in the end.) Re-living it will make it possible to put it into perspective and let it go.


Remind yourself often that you can't change the past but you can learn from it, and use it to be a more caring and empathetic human.

Often, serious grief and sadness is caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain and anti-depressants can make this whole process soooooo much easier. No matter who your God is - prayer helps too.

Then go to anyone you have hurt and ask their forgiveness, this sets you both free

Good luck, I've been there so I know there is hope.

Answer 3

It' s all part of growing up and becomming aware of who you really are. Don't be so hard on yourself, leave that to other people.lol Just ask God for forgiveness and then go on with the rest of your life. Know that in the end, when it's all said and done, the only person that you will really have to answer to is God anyway. So be Happy with who you are and the gifts that God has given you. God may be getting you ready for something very big in Heaven.

Answer 4

Right now you are imprisoning yourself with guilt. You can't change the past, so you have to find a way to live with yourself. Don't waste your time feeling sorry for yourself--it doesn't help anything. Make amends with the person you wronged if possible. Make amends with yourself--forgive yourself for having made a mistake. Learn from your mistake and vow not to make the same mistake again. And allow yourself to move on with your life.

Answer 5

It really depends on the problem. If it is truly loading you down seek help, no shame in that. If it is something you have honestly made amends for be it to yourself or someone else then you have to take that to heart and allow the other parties to deal with their own feelings and issues. Time doesn't heal all, but it does bring perspective.

Answer 6

Stop beating yourself up. If you believe in any form of God, ask for him/her for forgiveness. You feel bad for what you have done, so now learn from it and move on. Whatever has made you feel so guilty, don't ever do it again. Everyone make mistakes. It is part of being human.

Answer 7

Obtain forgiveness from God, then forgiveness from the ones involved, including yourself. While it is hard to "forgive and forget" especially when the one to forgive is yourself, try to learn the lesson involved and move on. This cannot be done without God's help.

Answer 8

When you do something wrong... admit it... apologize... and ask what you can do to make it right. After that you have to chalk it up as a well-learned life lesson and let it go.

Answer 9

Sounds like you are getting depressed you need to get professional help before it gets worse...