do you like this, rate it please?

Question

Steady murmurs come from the TV.
Anxiety nibbles away at patience.
Nervous twists and squirms.
Desperate housewives spellbound by romance novels.
Wishing it was them wrapped in the arms of an exotic chap.
Steady ticks echo from the clock, counting the minutes away.
As the ‘Oldies’ chatter away about their exhilarating retired lives.
The distant nasal call of a doctor rings through-out the room.
All color drains from my face as I am finally I’m called.
Suddenly the rhythmic sounds of the room shatter with a deafening scream coming from the operation room.
Urgently I’m led down a sterile white-washed hall.
ER personnel are on their haunches ready to launch at any given moment.
For what, I do not know.
Frantic yells ring through the walls.
Bringing new meaning to ‘if walls could talk‘.
All at once I find myself overcome with thought.
Who these shouts belong to?
Why are they here?
And am I next to join?
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how should i improve, water it down or does it give

the intensity of being in the hospital?
how do you feel when you read it?
it something im working on for a summer assignment, do you think its good enough? i know this is long and my questions kind of wack but i appreciate you advice a lot!

i really appreciate your feedback!

Answer 1

I liked it!!!! It kept me guessing which kept me reading.I would like it more if it was longer and was able to figure out what was going on at the very end.

Answer 2

It is attention getting and vivid. I see the images quite clearly in my mind, which, in my opionion, is what good writing should do. I give you 5 out of 5. Hope to see you published someday.

Answer 3

Better than I could do. But it is operating room.

Good luck.

Answer 4

I had to quit after reading the first three lines.

Answer 5

i liked it. very good

Answer 6

not