i have been with her for 4yrs now. i found out she has been cheating on me for the past 3 months with a guy. the relation ship with them has ended now and i dont want to leave her. i love her heaps and we have a kid together. but now she is telling me to sleep with another woman so she doesnt feel as bad. what should i do. should i do it or no..... iv been stuck on what to do for a few weeks now.
2006-08-10 04:52:59 · 38 answers · asked by funluvenguy2003 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Given that you have a child, I think you have an obligation to try to work it out with her. (If she cheats again, dump her.) The two of you really need to work with a marriage/relationship counselor ASAP and figure out how to fix things between you.
And, cheating on her will NOT help you fix things. It will only make it harder.
Check out the article below. It helped me.
2006-08-10 05:01:57 · answer #1 · answered by Otis F 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You have 2 choices: Leave her, pay child support until the child no longer needs help, and start a new life OR stay, put the relationship back together, learn to PUT IT DOWN, and get on with your life. YOU have to decide, not us. IF you stay, you CANNOT set about punishing her for the rest of her life. She has said she was stupid, did you wrong, etc. It is up to you to drop it. You cannot throw it up in her face everytime something goes wrong. If you can forgive AND FORGET, then stay. If you plan on staying for any other reason than having a good marriage, leave now. It can be put back together...worse things happen in life, infidelity is NOT one of the biggest problems in a marriage. IF it had been you that did the stepping out, you would understand better what I am saying. I do not suggest going out and screwing around..that solves nothing. I do wish you BOTH good luck. Things like this are NEVER one sided..there is blame enough to go around, but it doesn't really matter in the least. What matters is that you both get on with your lives, be happy again, love eachother, and raise the kids together if that is what you decide. But! If you stay together, starting right now, the past is PAST, not to be brought up again, not to be held against either of you. Otherwise, you are in for lots of misery followed by divorce. I wish you the best of luck.
2006-08-10 05:08:21 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all 2 wrongs don't make a right. Second. How will you feel about it. You say that you love her. So can you really live with yourself knowing you slept with a another woman knowing you love the woman you are with.I think you should tell her Hun I know you was unfaithful with me once. But I can't do that to you. I really Love you. and if you love me then you will do a couple of things for me. 1. Never ask me to sleep with another woman again. 2. We both know you cheated on me so let not forget that and let's work on this and move pass this. 3. If you ever feel like you need to cheat on me again come to me and lets discuss this cause there is a problem and we need to work it out or find another soloution. And then maybe thats when you need to consider if this relationship has anything to work with
2006-08-10 05:15:33 · answer #3 · answered by Fox 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She wants you to sleep with someone else so she doesn't feel as bad? This girl is messed up. Why would she want you to disrespect the relationship to make her feel better? Two wrongs do not make a right. She seems very shallow and clueless to what a relationship involves. She should be apologizing and try to get your trust back instead of suggesting that you should sleep around too. You need to ask her why she is not doing those 2 things. Don't stay with her just because you have a child. It is better for you to move on and have your child raised in a happy environment then having a child watch his/her mom cheating on you.
2006-08-10 05:03:13 · answer #4 · answered by jack russell girl 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't do it! Then you will feel guilty too! Two wrongs don't make a right. If you love her and don't want to leave her then help her work on it , But...I think like most other people....once a cheater, always a cheater. Beside you have lost your trust in her and that will take lots of work to rebuild that.
You have to also think of your child. It will take a lot of work on both your parts to keep it together for the child. Maybe you both should go to counseling. I wouldn't sleep with another woman though really, that is so insane.
2006-08-10 05:05:11 · answer #5 · answered by honeybee4u2c 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Two affair do not make a good relationship.
If she wants to stay make her detail why she did it and that it will never happen again. Also ask her what she thinks her punishment should be if she does it again. The "go have an affair thing, so we are even" does not work. You should tell her she owes you one. Do not let her off the guilt. She needs to remember why we should not do this.
On an unrelated matter why are you having children with a girlfriend instead of a wife. Get married and join the fun.
2006-08-10 05:04:02 · answer #6 · answered by Flagger 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
3 months out of 4 yrs ain't all that bad! the real question is; is this the only cheat? will this BE the only cheat? keep in mind you sleep w/every partner your partner sleeps with, invinitum! as for "sleep[ing] with another woman so she doesnt feel as bad" this is designed to ease HER guilt! to this I say nay!! her guilt is not YOUR responsibility. it IS, however, your issue to deal with and how you deal w/it depends on how strong you are. only you know that answer.
I read that you love her and wish to stay together, ok, fine. But Know This;; while forgiving is do-able, forgetting really takes effort! one day a "cheating" situation might develop for you and her cheat may become your justification. ?!? you'll have to make a choice that will stay with, and possibly impact adversely, on you for the rest of your lives - all of you!
bottom line: be true to you. if it feels wrong, it probably is.
2006-08-10 05:50:18 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It would be hard for me to trust someone after that. How do you know she won't do it again??? I would say drop her if it wasn't for the kid.
And don't sleep with someone else. That's just stupid. That is a green light for her to do it all over again. If you REALLY want it to work out than you can't stoop to her level. She has to deal with her own guilt. Maybe she should go to counseling, and you could attend a couple of sessions. But I am telling you the age old fact..........."Two wrongs don't make a right"
2006-08-10 05:44:04 · answer #8 · answered by it's me 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't do it, she is just trying to overcome her guilt. You should drop this girl, I know it sucks, but you need to. If she can cheat on you when you two already have a kid together...then it sounds like she is already long gone. If you get back together, you may have a good 6 months or something, but she will go right back to hear cheating ways. Drop her man...sounds like you deserve better. Don't put up with that sh!t
good luck
2006-08-10 04:59:48 · answer #9 · answered by FromTheTop 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't go and sleep with another woman. Women like that are devious, malicious and very manipulating, if you sleep with another lady, she will find numerous ways to always throw it in your face. If you can live with her, knowing that she gave a part of herself, to another man, then do it. I have never seen a relationship prosper after on has cheated, the guilt and the shame will slowly kill the flame you have for each other.
2006-08-10 04:59:03 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's best not to sleep with another woman - especially if you want to guarantee a sound, mature relationship. But, the question is, would she cheat again? Love is best when reciprocated. You can still be a good father to your child whether you are with her or not. To stay strong, you both should be faithful to each other, and if that can't be guaranteed, it may be best to part ways.
2006-08-10 04:58:39 · answer #11 · answered by bahamutxd 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋