My husband and I talk less frequently now...?

Question

we would get into an arguement at times right when I leave from work. I have school, a little 3 month old baby, and I work full-time. As is I am stressed and at times I do get bothered b/c I have a long drive home-more than an hour. So he decided to not talk at all when I head home, not talk at work b/c we are working, and when I get home-we don't talk b/c he is in front of the tv. If i want to talk to him -then I can ask but now it just seems so tedious each day -like no spurr of the moment conversations or real comforting communication. It's more like hey how was your day? I want more-someone to be there to listen. He'll listen for a small certain amount of time and then tune me out and ask "Okay is that it? Are we done now?" I think that is rude and I wish he wasn't like that. Like there was no time limit to him upon us communicating and talking about things, and express our thought w/out the other one's feelings hurt....Help please!

Answer 1

do not talk and he wil come around and start a conversation

Answer 2

It sounds like you are both stressed out. Maybe you are needing to unwind on your husband and he must feel your stress and it just adds to his "burdens" and raises his blood pressure so to speak.

Don't use hubby as a sounding board or someone to dump all your problems on at the end of the day. We dont always get all our needs met, and to expect that is really just immature, and I mean that in a respectful way.

Most marriages fail because people expect just too much from one another. Let's face it life is tough. Cut the guy a break. His home is his sanctuary and yours and you should both learn to communicate on an unspoken level at times where you know that talking about things might just start an argument. Sometimes just sitting together in silence and in close proximity can do the trick. Try destressing in other ways, exercise, talking to a girlfriend...and perhaps you can go for walks with hubby. Those are always a good time to talk about things and being in the open air along a boardwalk by the lake etc. helps you put things into perspective.

Good luck.

Answer 3

hi. not sure this is gonna help but ... about me;; married 37 years, have 3 young ones, only 1 truly left the nest, the "baby" is 22. we separated - mutually - a few times and during one such event I learned to fend for myself. I had been working for the family - a real career - and made pretty good $$. over time together we bought and sold 3 houses and currently own 10 acres of undeveloped land. I had 2 heart attacks and after that bought a sailboat and moved to the USVI for 5 years. she was, of course, invited but decided she didn't like boats. the reason for our separations? we argued about what we argued about!!

do you guys work together - that's one way to be too close - familararity does breed contempt.

are you distracted by day-to-day stuff? is he distracted?

ya know Homer Simpson said; "Just b/c I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand." he is saying what he feels comes from a completly different - unique - place. there is no value or judgement, no right and wrong, only differences.

find a professional who can help you find your differences and hopefully can also help find a solution.

btw;; I'm again living w/the wife (she had a minor set-back) but we still argue about what we argue about! I'm torn between developing the land (where she can join me) or going back to my boat (which she hates) ??? Life is teeming with choices! And since it is YOUR life - it really is all about you!

good luck!

Answer 4

I bet he would talk if he wanted sex! Half kidding! Haha!

You have to teach him how to communicate in a comfortable way. Make an appointment with him for this time of talking. Like maybe a date night for just you and him. Go to dinner alone, have good conversation and a good night. Make it comfortable for him to talk to you. It sounds silly I know, but maybe you are catching him at the wrong time. Knowing that there is going to be a scheduled time for communicating he may be kinder to you about it. It may not work the way you want it to at first, but keep doing it.

I think it is rude also that he says what he says to you, but obviously he is interested in something else. It is probably just a guy thing, but I hate to use that as an excuse cause I think couple s should talk more.

Answer 5

Tell him you have too much going on to live like this. Make stress the enemy. Ask him how you guys can overcome it together. If he's not interested, you'll be better off on your own. Tell him that. Stress and lack of communication will eat away at your love and health until you don't recognize yourself. Start today. Put off everything find him right now, not after dinner is made or the baby is asleep, NOW and let him know you won't let it go on like this. Or you'll end up alone anyway and that's what your really afraid of isn't it.

Answer 6

Mr. Chivalry says, "I'll try not to make this answer too long.
In this situation, you will have to take the one step approach, to keep tempers from flaring.

First, ask him if he loves you. Second, ask him if he truly respects you and your opinions. If both of these questions are answered yes, then you can proceed.

Let him know that you respect his opinions. Let him know that you will listen to him, and you want the same from him. Then express yourself. Don't play the finger pointing game. Let him know how you feel. If he throws a hissy fit, then those yes answers he gave you were no true. Tell him that you want to reconcile whatever problems the both of you think you have. I hope it works for you."

Mr. Chivalry has spoken.

Answer 7

Tell your husband that you feel you are growing apart. That your responsibilities are weighing you down and that you need his support and love. Marriage is a partnership not an individual entity. If he loves you he'll listen and take what you say to heart. Hang in there and good luck.

Answer 8

Sounds like you guys are a stuck in a rut. Life does that, it gets in the way, and yours is extremely stressful. We did that when we first got married--had a kid while he was in his last year of school. Very stressful for both of you. But some men just aren't talkers. My husband has always felt a need to tell me stuff, so we talk all the time. It took me a while, though, to get him to realize that when I talked, I didn't expect him to solve my problems, I just wanted him to listen, the same way he does. Men don't get that. They see problems and want to solve them, so when we "complain" at them, they tend to see it as us telling them we want them to solve our problems. So my husband used to shut me out like that just because he didn't know how to solve my problems. Took me a while to get him to realize I don't want him to solve my problems...I just want him to listen.

Could also just be timing. Do you tend to go to him right he's gotten home from work?

But talk to him. Go to him and tell him you want to talk, seriously talk, and you want his undivided attention, then ask him when a good time for him is. Then let him choose. That way he doesn't feel threatened and cornered. And talk in terms of "I feel", not "you do/don't do" statements, for the same reason, so he doesn't feel attacked. Tell him you miss him, miss his friendship, miss feeling close to him. Tell him what you want and need from him but also tell him why you're unhappy. Ask him when's a good time for you two to sit down every day to talk, that sort of thing. You two just need to have a serious talk. Sounds like he doesn't realize how much this really bothers you. I couldn't get my husband to really believe how unhappy I was in our marriage until I went to see a counselor. Then he got it and started listening. Not the answer for you; just an exmple that sometimes men don't see things the way we do. They're very simple. My husband saw things as black and white--he went to work, provided for us, was there for the family, took care of the house, etc...what more could I possibly want? lol

Good luck!

Answer 9

Maybe it's you who's concerned more about this, so maybe it's up to you to put some extra effort into changing this situation. You could try to suggest an evening alone with him or after the baby has gone to sleep, you could try something different in the romance dept. Men are intrigued by spontanious behavior, so try to switch up your behavior, so he doesn't get bored with your day to day persona. It never hurts to try. Hope this helps. It certainly couldn't hurt.

Answer 10

Men are not mind readers, You have to let him know how you feel about your lack of communication. If you don;t tell him he may assume that you are ok with this.

Good luck