Does anybody know any good jokes about people who wear glasses?

Answer 1

"Men seldom make passes at girls who wear glasses
So Dorothy Parker has said;
She said it quite rightly, they're very unsightly
(but no one wears glasses to bed)."

Answer 2

Glasses Jokes

Answer 3

This Site Might Help You.

RE:
Does anybody know any good jokes about people who wear glasses?

Answer 4

It's kinda mean to make fun of people who wear glasses.

Answer 5

OK here, I found one girl wear sunglass at the night. and also one guy is wearing sun glass in the night and they seriously looking for some important things.so I think that is so funny.lol

Answer 6

That's an interesting question!

Answer 7

don't be mean...I used to wear glasses when I was younger

Answer 8

Never thought too much about that

Answer 9

yes

Answer 10

A nursery school teacher was delivering a station wagon full of
kids home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the
front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmatian dog. The children
fell to discussing the dog's duties.

"They use him to keep crowds back," said one youngster.

"No," said another, he's just for good luck.

A third child brought the argument to a close. "They use the dogs
she said firmly, to find the fire hydrant."
Farmer in Iowa got pulled over by a State Trooper for speeding. The trooper
started to lecture the farmer about his speeding, and in general began to
throw his weight around to try to make the farmer feel uncomfortable.

Finally, the trooper got around to writing out the ticket. As he was doing
that, he kept swatting at some flies that were buzzing around his head.

The farmer said, "Having some problem with circle flies there, are ya?"

The trooper stopped writing the ticket and said, "Well yeah, if that's what
they are. I never heard of circle flies."

So the farmer says, "Well, circle flies are common on farms. See, they're
called circle flies because they're almost always found circling around the
back end of a horse."

The trooper says, "Oh," and goes back to writing the ticket. Then after a
minute, he stops and says, "Are you trying to call me a horse's ***?"

The farmer says, "Oh no, officer. I have too much respect for law
enforcement and police officers to even think about calling you a horse's
***."

The trooper says, "Well that's a good thing," and goes back to writing the
ticket.








A gentleman wanders around the campus of a college looking for the library. He approaches a student and asked, "Excuse me young man. Would you be good enough and tell me where the library is at?"
The student, in a very arrogant and belittling tone, replied, "I sorry, sir, but at this school, we are taught never to end a sentence with a preposition!"

The gentleman smiled, and in a very apologetic tone replied, "I beg your pardon. Please allow me to rephrase my question. Would you be good enough to tell me where the library is at, asshole?"



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"I've just had the most awful time," said a boy to his friends. "First I got angina pectoris, then arteriosclerosis. Just as I was recovering, I got psoriasis. They gave me hypodermics, and to top it all, tonsillitis was followed by appendectomy."

"Wow! How did you pull through?" sympathized his friends.

"I don't know," the boy replied. "Toughest spelling test I ever had."



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The linguist's husband walked in and caught his wife sleeping with a young co-ed. He said, "Why, Susan, I'm surprised." She bolted upright, pointed her finger and corrected him, "No. I am surprised. You are astonished."



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An English professor complained to the pet shop proprietor, "The parrot I purchased uses improper language."
"I'm surprised," said the owner. "I've never taught that bird to swear."
"Oh, it isn't that," explained the professor. "But yesterday I heard him split an infinitive."



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A linguistics professor was lecturing his class the other day. "In English," he said, "a double negative forms a positive. However, in some languages, such as Russian, a double negative remains a negative. But there isn't a single language, not one, in which a double positive can express a negative."
A voice from the back of the room retorted, "Yeah, right."



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A language is a dialect with an army and a navy.

Max Weinreich, Yiddish linguist, 1945

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The manager of a large city zoo was drafting a letter to order a pair of animals. He sat at his computer and typed the following sentence: "I would like to place an order for two mongooses, to be delivered at your earliest convenience."

He stared at the screen, focusing on that odd word mongooses. Then he deleted the word and added another, so that the sentence now read: "I would like to place an order for two mongeese, to be delivered at your earliest convenience."

Again he stared at the screen, this time focusing on the new word, which seemed just as odd as the original one. Finally, he deleted the whole sentence and started all over. "Everyone knows no full-stocked zoo should be without a mongoose," he typed. "Please send us two of them."



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Mr Goldberg, from Pinsk, coming to America, shared a table in the ship's dining room with a Frenchman. Mr Goldberg could speak neither French nor English; the Frenchman could speak neither Russian nor Yiddish.

The first day out, the Frenchman approached the table, bowed and said, "Bon appétit!"
Goldberg, puzzled for a moment, bowed back and replied "Goldberg."

Every day, at every meal, the same routine occured.

On the fifth day, another passenger took Goldberg aside. "Listen, the Frenchman isn't telling you his name. He's saying 'Good Appetite,' that's what 'Bon appétit!' means."

At the next meal, Mr Goldberg, beaming, bowed to the Frenchman and said, "Bon appétit!".
And the Frenchman, beaming, replied: "Goldberg!"


Leo Rosten, The Joys of Yiddish


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The village blacksmith finally found an apprentice willing to work hard for long hours. The blacksmith immediately began his instructions to the lad, "When I take the shoe out of the fire, I'll lay it on the anvil; and when I nod my head, you hit it with this hammer."
The apprentice did just as he told. Now he's the village blacksmith.



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A nun is undressing for a bath and while she's standing naked, there's a knock at the door. The nun calls, "Who is it?"

A voice answers, "A blind salesman."

The nun decides to get a thrill by having the blind man in the room while she's naked so she lets him in. The man walks in, looks straight at the nun and says, "Uhhhh, well hello there, can I sell you a blind, dearie...?"