Poem i wrote while in iraq, what do u think?

Question

Lost souls,

Like chainless dogs

Wander these streets

Families and homes

Once solid, now broken

Like the glass bottles and syringes

Crushed below our feet



Abandoned children

Like cars no longer running

Give front yards a cemetery-like ambience

Back yards once lush with green grass

Cookouts and laughter

Now dawn a desert atmosphere



Mothers birth fatherless children

Taking lessons from the harlots of the game

Learning to expose their body

Sliding down poles and dancing

For faux love and fame

Victims of false admiration

Secretly and openly called tricks and whores

As if their given name

Living their lives through other peoples fantasies

Getting and having no respect

Yet absent of shame



Boys no longer reach for success

Or to be the father they never had

Instead of making their own way

They follow in his path

Fertilizing seeds, not helping them to grow

Abandoned fruit from the tree just as their father

I guess you do reap what you sow



No more visions of the lime-light

Being a doctor, athlete or lawyer

Just rappers and thugs

There words and heart meaningless

Diluted by violence, alcohol, and drugs



Hyped by images of gangster disguises

Portrayed by the music industry

Hiding behind explicit lyrics

And iced out jewelry

Believing the "good life"

Revolves around smoking blunts

Poppin' Crys and drinking Hennessey

Like the robes and hoods of the klan

Expensive cars and clothes

Hide there true identity



And dreams are no longer legitimate schemes

But weighed out on triple beams

Success no longer measured by your ability to move people

But rather the ability to push

Grams, O's, and KI's



We have become fascinated

By that which is fabricated

Blocking out what has true value

And everything that's real

To get a bigger piece of this ****** up American pie

We lie, cheat, murder

And steal



No longer is it "them"

But we, killing off each other

No longer believing in the word

Honoring thy father and mother

We have gotten away

From being the keeper

Of my brother



Like wingless birds

Unable to fly above society's expectation

Blaming the failures of our people

On slavery and plantations

Yet those fields are the roots of our strength

Backbone of our faith

And mother to our dedication



Calling each other *****, like its nothing

Yet when said from someone outside the race

It offends thee

Blaming the problems we endure on a daily basis

On the "Man", racial profiling, and society

Yet in all actuality

We

Are our own worst enemy

thank you all for your support and comments, there are also 3 other poems in this forum if you care to read them, also i am still in iraq, but soon to be home

Answer 1

That is very profound and moving. I wish others could see things through your eyes, it might make them want to change their ways. I think it's really good and thank you for sharing it..but I wouldn't have posted it here for a multitude of reasons. You should submit it for publishing.

Answer 2

As far as the WORLD, I totally agree. I'm not a part of "society," if you will. I don't even like to be catagorized with those people. I do, however, LOVE poetry, and this is awesome!!! I want to thank you personally for serving our country during these trying times. I was in the Air Force for a couple years, and I don't think you get a true appreciation of what all the vets have done for us up to this point, until you serve in the military yourself. There are so many sacrafices you make, that our fellow Americans just take for granted (as is for a lot of things these days), so I'd like to show my appreciation to you, as I'm sure you don't get gratitude as often as you should. I'd try to find someone to edit/publish this poem for you. It'd be like something our kids can read in history books from the "life of a soldier." Great Poetry!!! And thanks again!

Answer 3

You just described perfectly the way you felt and the atmosphere, very true and emotional. Even the dirty word of there is making this poem more real, it brings you to that world of the lost souls. A painting made by words. Your poem is a success because you experienced like the artists.

Answer 4

You made me cry.
That's all I can say about the poem. My emotions run a little (LOL )rampant when it comes to this . Sorry.
But I would like to have the honor of thanking you for your service and sacrifice for our country.
Welcome home , I'm glad you made it back safely.
I can only hope that this poem is not indicative of depression that you may be suffering from after returning home from a war.
God bless you, and all our troops.


SUPPORT OUR TROOPS !!!!!

Answer 5

Sometimes writing things down like this helps come to terms with what you went through, it puts things into perspective. Its a nice poem also gives us an idea of your feelings, what you went through, can't have been a nice experience.

Answer 6

BRAVO!! Very good, it's a little like spoken word but has your own style. Now all you need is a title- maybe one of the great metaphors you used!

Answer 7

That is deep and makes you think. Its really good. I give it to all the soldiers that put their lives on the line everyday for us and our country. I just want to say thank you.

Answer 8

First let me thank you for putting your life on the line for me and this country, and I felt your poem spoken volumes and was very deep. Take care of yourself, may God Bless you and your always.

Answer 9

Really Cool

Answer 10

I think it is very good, thought provoking..
I want to say thank you as well for putting your life on the line for the sake of others..