A poem i wrote...what do you think? im working on a book.?

Question

I can picture myself at your side

It's like the blast of emotions

When Two hearts collide

Though i think to myself

Slow down, no need to hurry

In the midst of your beauty

My vision gets blurry



Each time i close my eyes i see your face

That soft skin of peanut butter complexion

As if God himself to time

To mold you into perfection

And those dark brown eyes i must admit

I find myself falling

As if descending

Into an erotic ebony pit



And when you smile my breath escapes me

The way your soft, full lips part

Exposing your pearly white teeth

Truly you are a work of art

A if your every feature was hand painted

Each strand of you hair individually placed

Not to conceal your beauty

But to accentuate your face



For your beauty is not only physical

I can sense that it extends to your heart

And if you let me, I want to mend

What others have torn apart

Let me take what they may have turned cold

And reignite that inner fire

Giving you back that sense of love

Devotion and desire



Though right now it may seem sudden

And we could be moving fast

My heart tells me to keep going

And continue on this path

The moment I hold you in my arms

I can see the emotions will be much richer

For I know what i feel has to be real

To feel all this from a picture

Answer 1

It sounds like you are in love and missing someone very much. Personal emotion and experience is a great inspiration, and judging by this poem, you have enough for several books.

Answer 2

It's got a lot of emotion in it. There are some grammatical errors in it. I would use more descriptive language. You make more declarative statements about her beauty and just expect the reader to take your word for it. You need more description, more similes, more metaphors. You use a lot of chiches, like "work of art." These chiches are so worn out. Have you every read the William Shakespeare poem titled "My Mistress's Eyes." Read it. He takes his own spin on writing a love poem and it comes across very endearing and honest. When you write poetry you're, presumably, speaking from the heart. Your heart. Not anyone else's. Don't try to write a poem how you expect or think a love poem should be written. You really, really need to go deeper. If you want to be a writer then you have to be willing to go where it hurts. I hope this helps. Good luck to you.

Answer 3

It's a pretty good poem. However...if I were you, I'd use a different word in place of "peanut butter" & "ebony" to describe a dark complexion. Those words are too cliche sounding. They've been used in too many poems and song lyrics. It makes your poem sound a bit cheesy. Think of another way to describe what you are describing. Maybe do a search of words that refer to brown or tan. Good Luck!

Answer 4

sounds like a solid start up, yet you need to contain your purpose audience greater into the e book. If the e book revolves around this murderer, spend greater time fleshing this scene out. contain the time this befell, the climatic circumstances, etc... additionally provide John greater of a character, does he have any emotions on killing those human beings, or is this something hes familiar with. additionally make helpful the scenes are conceivable, kicking down a washing room door could be distinctly problematic to do. additionally if somebody is sitting on the rest room, its problematic to open the door if it swings, inwards.

Answer 5

I loved it. Wasn't too wild about the "peanut butter complexion" part. It takes away from the depth of beauty the poem has. Very good.

Answer 6

That's pretty good you definitely have skills to write a book!

Answer 7

It's beautiful! You should definitely make a book!

Answer 8

That's nice, keep up the good work... and write the book, you r good

Answer 9

That was really good, It flowed together and rhymed. I like it , very descriptive and sensual

Answer 10

Thats good.