My boyfriend has two sons. Aged 13 and 11. I have yet to meet them. We are on our third month as girlfriend & boyfriend. Had an argument because I want to be introduced as who I actually am in his life-his girlfriend. I will feel insulted otherwise and would think I'm just one of is women. My boyfriend thinks our argument is petty and I'm being inconsiderate. Pls help me understand my boyfriend's side.
2006-08-10 03:15:22 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Yeah, you're being petty and inconsiderate. And selfish too...
Oh, don't worry, so is he. You're both being inconsiderate, petty, and selfish--him for not taking the time to fully explain to you, and you for thinking that you are the only thing going on in his life.
Y'see, he's got two sons. Their reaction to you is very, very important to him. They're probably not ready to see you as a "live-in" just yet, and he's certainly not ready to display that. Maybe he has some uncomfortable feelings about you two living together already, or maybe he's worried that they will have uncomfortable feelings... or the ex, too--and that can have legal, custody, and visitation ramifications. So for right now, he's most comfortable with a slow-moving vehicle image--for their sake.
He should be able to explain that, but men tend to know what they want and have a hard time articulating their feelings. Part of the package.
If you want him to choose between his kids and you right now, he'll choose them. If you exert pressure, that's what will happen.
My suggestion is you let him tell the whole story to his kids when they are ready.
2006-08-10 03:25:33 · answer #1 · answered by Paul McDonald 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think the man is being really smart and protective of his sons right now. NOTHING is harder for a kid then to see their parent with someone else. If your man is divorced, there is the ex to consider. A new girlfriend can ba a point of contention between exes. Try real hard to enjoy your time together as a couple before you try to become a step-mom. Once you get married, "couple time" becomes hard to come by. Are you so insecure or demanding that you can't let him slowly introduce into his "family"? If so, I can bet you would only have problems when dealing with the boys down the road. If you are serious about becoming a step-mom, show this by researching it thoroughly through self-help books, child care people and/or a therapist/psychologist. If you really love this guy, you will do whatever is neccesary to make any changes as easy as possible on him and his boys. Life as a step-mom is full of potholes and pitfalls and is rarely ever easy, but done right can be very rewarding.
2006-08-10 10:59:19 · answer #2 · answered by jiminycricket 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think that he doesn't want you to be introduced as his girlfriend because he might not be ready to talk to his sons about the situation. Now this has never happened to me because no one my age should have kids but you should just give it time and if he really, truly cares about you, then he will -over time- introduce you to his sons as his girlfriend. I think his sons might think it is a little bit awkward to see their father dating someone. Did their mother die? Are they divorced? There is a different explanation to each. If their mother died, then I can see why he wouldn't want to tell his sons. They might think that he forgot about his wife. If they're divorced, I can also so why he wouldn't want to tell, but the reason is a little bit harder for me to understand. He wouldn't want to tell his sons because he doesn't feel ready to talk to them about it. I hope that he does introduce you as girlfriend. And if he doesn't, you should have a serious talk. "Why would you lie to your children?" Because he is doing just that. Good luck and I hope this helps!
2006-08-10 10:31:53 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
in all honesty i think you're in the right and he's wrong. yeah, they're his kids, but that doesn't mean he can disrespect you like that. if he's bein an a.ss bout it and not seein your side of the argument then he has no respect for you and you need to find a better man
2006-08-10 10:28:40 · answer #4 · answered by Red 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
that is just to tell u mybe you wont be around that long do the same to him & see how he likes it
2006-08-10 10:24:51 · answer #5 · answered by jacci mcann 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋