Did I push him away?

Question

I was dating a man who had a few insecurities about us. He was afraid of getting close to me because he had been hurt in the past. I have this extremely sarcastic exterior and I was constantly saying sarcastic things to him, reminding him of the insecurities that he had (such as his age). When we were together, I contantly asked if he was happy with me instead of enjoying the time we shared. Sometimes, I found it hard to sit still around him too, so I had to get up and do something. Even in the mornings I would wake up before him and just leave (I went to vaccuum out my car) without explaining to him where I was going. I should have just stayed in bed with him, but I didn't.

I was also sweet to him and did everything for him. I took him to baseball games, car shows, etc. And I always gave him massages when he wanted them. I did say sweet things to him as well.

We broke up and now I wonder, did I push him awayand why? Is there a way to make things right between us?

Answer 1

YES.

Two things are extremely important in a relationship. The first is RESPECT and the other is TRUST. If any one of these are absent then you're in big trouble.

Reminding him of his insecurities, being sarcastic to him show lack of respect. It's like you're questioning his right to be with you in the first place.

You can't even trust him enough to tell him where you are going even if you just went to vaccuum out your car. And always asking a guy if he is happy with you can drive him nuts.

Before you try to make things right with him, you have to ask yourself if what he is is really what you want in a partner. If he is, then you can start by apologizing to him and explaining why you want him back in your life. Good luck to you.

Answer 2

Wow, such a grown up question. well, it seems that when ever we know that there is a problem in the relationships we are in, we tend to dwell on the things like Asking a million times " do you love me" most of the times those questions that we have are valid and justifiable quirks.
I find that we all tend to look for someone to show thier emotions. Like when you would leave with out telling him. YOU Know men want to know where and when and who with. and even if you really were alone he could think that there was someone you was seeing.
one thing I do know is he did needed a break from your MASCARE...so do you think that the guy that you treated as you said you did should be with ya ? do you think you should be with a man that you feel you can do this to? Im not sure either, how to get him back.. maybe a friendship in a handshake kinda way would be best. sorry to say that... .goodluck!

Answer 3

Mr. Chivalry says, "Sounds like you did a few things that a woman would complain about if the roles were reversed. It's kinda ironic because in this case, the roles were actually reversed. He was the hurt one, and you were the one leaving without notice. Typically, it would be ok for a guy. It wouldn't bother the typical man. However, this is a man that was hurt, so now he can't deal too well with your actions. Any other guy, maybe. In the relationship world, a woman would want a man to respect them for who they are, and be considerate of them. In this situation, it seems as if you didn't put yourself in his shoes, and women typically have the tendency to do that. I'm sure that you have a chance to get him back. Just tell him that you were foolish, and didn't look at the other side, as a woman. Tell him that you are ready to make amends, and protect his heart instead of hurt it. Good luck."

Mr. Chivalry has spoken.

Answer 4

You could of pushed him away. But it doesn't sound as if things were going to get better between the two of you. Time will tell if he comes back or not. If after being separated, he realizes that he does love you then he will come back. But explain to him that things can't be the same as they were. Get everything out in the open and go from there. Have you apologized to him? Anyways good luck!!

Answer 5

I think you may have played a part in the break up. I wouldn't want to stay with someone who was always belittling me even if they said they were just kidding. You can only take so much... Between your sarcasm and his insecurities it didn't make for a good combination. Call him up and ask if you can talk to him--just as a friend. Then ask him his true reasons for breaking it off. Maybe you can mend things and maybe you can't but you won't know unless you try...

Answer 6

It sounds as the guy just had some major issues. I mean, maybe you could have done some things differently, but who's to say you wouldn't have broken up then too? You shouldn't have to walk on eggshells for people with the fear of chasing them away. However, constant sarcasm does tend to wear on a relationship, and if you always had to ask him if he was happy with you, then you must have some insecurities of your own.

Answer 7

Yes you did. Leaving with no explanation and everything else pushed him away. You can talk to him and be totally honest with him and in time he will become trusting with you. I was the same way, it takes allot to trust another woman after being burnt but it does happen. Just all way be honest.

Answer 8

Your attitude got in the way.

You can do nice things, but your words belied your heart.

Are you this considerate person or a thoughtless wench? ("Should I have sex or vacuum the car?")

Nothing you say will matter as much as what you do. He needed support and got sarcasm.

Answer 9

I would say you pushed yourself away. It doesn't sound like you were really into the relationship all that much to me. Good luck next time.

Answer 10

Really when a guy tells me that they dont want to get hurt I stay away, cause I dont want to make it worse or have him all clingy on me.