My son and school?

Question

My 7 year old son has recently started the 2nd grade. He has always had problems going to school. He just doesn't like it. I have tried everything from disipline to rewards if his behavior is excellent or poor. I now take him to the psychologists once a week and I have to medicate my son as well (which I don't like but he does need it). I don't know what to do it seems like his behavior isn't changing toward school and yesterday he told me he was quiting school for good. I have ran out of options. Does anyone have any suggestions?

I am a single parent. I can't just quit work and start to home school my son. His father doesn't want anything to do with him. I am lucky to get 30 dollars a month garnished through the state from him. My latest plot is I tell my son I am going to call the police to have them escourt him to school. I have to medicate my son not because it makes it easier for him to go to school, but it is from a chemical imbalance. Trust me I tried everything and anything before running to the doctors for pills. I know my son doesn't have much friends at school and he does get teased by the older kids. I talk with his teacher and principal once a week if not more. I am doing everything I can think of I just need more suggestions.

Answer 1

Hi. Your first challenge is going to be finding a school where the administration and special education staff are going to work with you to help your son overcome his problems. You need to sit down with these people and work out a real plan. Part of that plan would include the school verifying that he does not have learning disabilities or socialization issues.

You will probably be asked to take him to his pediatrician and verify there are no health issues including hearing and vision. (A school will always want to rule out these factors before starting to look at learning styles and problems.)

From my experience (30 years) as a teacher and school administrator, there will be children who do not want to go to school because they are afraid that their parent(s) will not be there when school is over. I believe the psychologists and psychiatrists call it "separation anxiety". Has your son's psychologist discussed this with you?

You can't quit your job because you are the only source of financial support for your son and yourself. However, maybe, you're going to need to invest some of your valuable time and arrange with the school to visit your son there so he can see you and you can make that link with his school day. Is there any possibility that you can take your lunch break at a time when school is in session and pop in to see him?

One arrangement we had with an anxious child (fourth grade) was that if he would get through the first part of the morning and do his very best work, he would be allowed to use the school phone to speak to one of his parents during the recess break.

Another support for your child would be to find an older child to act as his buddy or mentor. Or - give him a responsibility within the school with younger children. Perhaps the kindergarten teacher would accept him as a helper during his recess break or other times arranged between the teachers. (tidying up the sand/water box, helping children tie their shoes, reading a picture book with a younger child) Again, these are all suggestions that may or may not come out in a strategy planning meeting with the school staff.

A final suggestion/piece of advice. If you are going to ask the school for support and help, you will need to trust them and give full consideration to their suggestions as well as share all information pertinent to your son with them.

Answer 2

Does he have any good friends at school? My son hated school until this year (we started Aug 4). He's in 5th grade and just now likes school. It took getting him into a different school that was more interesting and where he could have a fresh start with new people and teachers. Some of his problem might be the teachers and expecting him to act up or hate school. If he had a chance to go to school without that following him, like my son had this year, it really helps. I found the discipline and rewards didn't work either. Tell you what, I didn't know a new school would do it either but now he comes running in every day all happy telling me what he did, how much fun he had, and about all his new friends.

Answer 3

I'm anti-drugs when it comes to kids. They get addicted to that stuff so that when they don't take the pills they're 10 times worse then they ever were before the pills.

Also, those pills usually just fix the symtoms and not the problem. That is, they may mellow your kid out but they don't fix his reason for why he doesn't want to go to school.

Obviously something is seriously wrong. Schools are horrible now days, but this one your son is going to must be really bad. Schools should be places kids enjoy going... and I'm not saying that in the sense that "they should be so lets all fix them that way."... I'm saying it in the sense, that if the school he's going to isn't one he wants to.. maybe it's time to try a differnt school.

I would recommend home schooling as well... however as you state in your additional information that doesn't appear to be a option.

When he's teased at school, does it go further? Do kids actually ever beat on him or get physical? I was in a school once where the teachers ignored physical fights.... I wanted to quit school because of it.

I don't know your kid, and I don't know the school. However, if your kid is your average kid as far as intelligance and such goes... I'd not look to change the kid, but maybe change the school. The kid might not be the problem.

Answer 4

Does he have problems in school? My little brother is 11 and up until a couple of years ago he hated school. Come to find out he is dyslexic. The kids at school would call him dumb, he even had one teacher that would pick on him for being "stupid". When my parents found out all of this they looked into different programs in the area and found a college run program at another school in there district. This program did not cost anything more than the school taxes that everyone pays. He is going into his third year in a couple of weeks. He loves school, doesn't pretend to be sick anymore, does his work and waits happily for the bus each morning. They also have helped him more than I can explain. He had read 11 books over the summer, that would have been like pulling teeth a couple of years ago.

Look into alternative programs. Maybe an after school learning center. Sit down and really try to understand what is going on at school that makes him hate it so much. Most kids just want to make their parents proud, and if there is something that is going on he probably doesn't want to share with you because he is afraid of how you will look at him.

Answer 5

The good news is since your son in only 7, he can NOT quit school. Have you spoken with the counselor/administrator at his school? My son was having some issues last year. They involved him a weekly group, and also assigned him special tasks to help him feel more valued. He really enjoyed wiping off the lunch tables, and assisting the teacher with handing out work to be completed. I wish you the best of luck!

Answer 6

Remember who is the parent and who is the child. Be stern and unflinching without showing emotion. Do as much research as possible on parenting, education, and his condition. Meet with his teacher(s) often to discuss problems and solutions. Have him tested for vision and hearing problems. Find out his IQ to discover whether he is too bored or too challenged. Consider outside tutoring. Consider Catholic school (smaller class size, better discipline).
Take as active a role in his education as you can. It doesn't matter if he likes school. Kids don't like school. It's not an optional thing and he has to know that.

Answer 7

Please consider my answer carefully. The problem is NOT with your son. Do NOT send him to the school/prison system where they will degrade him, bore him to death, have no regard for his individuality or creative thinking, will stifle his growth, teach him to condomize cucumbers within the next two or three years, drug him for showing normalcy or budding masculinity and fail to educate him properly.

You need to immediately check the laws in your state regarding home schooling and plan to do something. Then, after you get things set up, go and rescue your son. If people get in your way, shove them aside with a stiff forearm.

And also get him away from those psychologists. They don't know a thing and are only qualified to counsel one another (and are suited for one another).

I understand that many people won't.understand or agree with my reply, but I assure you it is accurate and truthful. I strongly urge you to explore the various options for alternative education. Your son is trying to tell you something, and just as a dog has no way of speaking, you need to be aware and really in tune to what he's trying to tell you, if you really love him.

Answer 8

There must be sth wrong. Maybe there's someone taunting him at school and he doesnt want to answer back or get into a fight. Try to talk to him when he's not in a defensive mood. My son didnt want to go to school at 3 but then i discovered he didnt like one of the teachers and the place was too crowded for him. When i moved him to a different school he was much happier and eager to go.

Answer 9

Tell him why school is important and why you and everyone else had to go to school. Get some books from the library about going to school that can speak to him on his level. Explain to him that everyone has a job to do and school is his job right now. Tell him that without school people do not get very smart and they will not have a good life when they grow up.

Answer 10

Maybe he has some kind of learning disabilty and school in hard for him. If you request the school test him for this, then they have to by law. YOu will have to request this in writting. They have so many days to get this done. You can read this on the web, Special Education Laws or guidelines.
There is help out there. I had my daughter on medacation and we did our part at school, but the school was never willing to do their part.


Good Luck,