My ex-husband and I met 21 years ago and married very young and had two sons together. We split 7 years ago and I've been remarried for 6 years. My husband and I have no children together. He is 12 years older than me and has older children and several grandchildren. We got together almost immediately after my ex husband and I split, and immediately after he and his wife split ( He was married for 21 years to her). I am realizing now that I am not in love with my husband, although I do love him dearly and do not wish to hurt him. I still love my ex husband. He is begging me to come back to him and for us to be a family again. Also, I desperately want more children, which I cannot have with my current husband because he had a vasectomy.
My husband knows I am not in love with him, but he doesn't know how strongly I feel about my ex, only that i still have "feelings" for him. I feel like a rotten person and i don't know what to do.
2006-08-10 02:43:29 · 13 answers · asked by diana 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He's probably your 'ex' for a reason. Think back to what that reason is - people very rarely change drastically, and whatever reasons you couldn't work it out then would most likely quickly resurface when the 'honeymoon' glow wears off. Yes, you have history & children in common, which pulls at your heart, but think hard before you make a decision. I know a few who people have been down this exact road, and it has never worked out the second time around, FYI. Now as for your current husband: please be kind & don't stay with him 'just because' it's easier & safe. That is totally unfair to him. You should see a counselor, and think seriously about getting out on your own. Spend at LEAST one year living by yourself - you will be amazed at how that can help you think clearer. Only then should you make such an important decision about who you want to be with. You may find it is neither, and start to blaze a new trail in your life. That would be fine, too - but take time! Slow down, get counseling, and listen to your inner voice - that will help lessen the hurt on the many people involved here - you, your husband, your ex, AND your kids. Good luck.
2006-08-10 02:48:21 · answer #1 · answered by mustanglynnie 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all.......you have to remember why he is your ex. 2nd, I wouldn't stay in a marriage knowing I do not love the one I am with, but if there is a chance of being in love with him, I would stay to try to make it work.
Are you not in love with him now, because you know your ex wants you back!?! The answer does make a difference.
Whatever you choose to do, you need to sit your husband now, down and tell him straight out. It isn't fair to live a lie when you both have been hurt before by getting divorced. He is older, he may want to just let you go when he hears your true feelings, but it is only fair for you to be honest with him.
As for your ex, I would hestitate jumping back into the bed with him. And remember why you aren't still together in the first place. Alot of exes tend when they get lonely or don't have a current girlfriend, fall back on the ex. And I wouldn't want to drop something where there is a chance of having love, then getting your heart broken again.
2006-08-10 02:59:23 · answer #2 · answered by rdhedhottie 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You know the grass isn't always greener on the other side! I believe you have wasted this mans time. If you continue to waste his time it'll only hurt him more! Tell him and go on and get a second divorce and marry your ex-husband but this time if things go wrong shame on you because your curiosity lured you in! I think it's important to be happy with who your in a relationship with and that if you don't have that being in a relationship with someone else you don't feel as strongly about can make you miserable! With all that said I wish you and your husband with whom you have no children with great luck in finding happiness, just remember this karma is a you know what!
2006-08-10 02:56:07 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The short term pain for the long term gain would be to just end your current marriage and get back with your ex. If you do this the "rotten" feeling will dissipate because you'll be on the path toward the future you want and I believe you see in your minds eye. Chin up, dear and good luck.
2006-08-10 02:52:36 · answer #4 · answered by Add Man 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You and your current husband both sound like reasonable adults, I think it is time to act like some. Sit down and tell him how you feel. He may accept it and allow to leave, he may be pissed as hell and kick you you, or he may cry and convince you to stay. However, others are correct, and your ex is your ex for a reason. Unless you are completely sure he (or you) have changed, and the problems of the past are fixed, I'd becareful, you might be looking through rose colored glasses.
2006-08-10 02:55:07 · answer #5 · answered by javelin 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Life is to short to be married to someone your not in love with. This is not a rehearsal hon this is the only life you have, make it the best you can. In the end it will be better for you and your current husband if you get divorced. You both deserve to be in love. Good luck!!!!
2006-08-10 02:54:44 · answer #6 · answered by arreis 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How old are you lady? And you really want to have more children? Maybe you are confusing menopause w/ the need to reproduce and that's why u feel the need to go back to your ex husband. Think this out carefully before you act!
2006-08-10 02:56:58 · answer #7 · answered by ariola2 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know you dont want to hurt your husband, but it will hurt him in the long run to stay and not love him like you should. Just remember, you left your ex for a reason.
2006-08-10 02:49:59 · answer #8 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
mind d reason of divorce cause u got something wrong from that buddy thats y u took divorce now u wanna to be connected again ??? take this step after deep thgouhts !
2006-08-10 02:52:21 · answer #9 · answered by forplay_afterplay 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Follow ur heart, life is to short to be miserable, but be carefull, apparently your ex is an ex for a reason!
2006-08-10 02:53:46 · answer #10 · answered by fox69 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋