how can i tell if my husband has homosexual tendencies?

Question

he is not overly feminine, but he is not a macho man either. i mean actions really, not the way he carries himself

Answer 1

Rather than eating yourself alive with suspicion, or setting traps to catch him doing something "wrong," I would recommend that you think about ways to have an honest dialogue with him about his (and your) sexuality.

To get you started, ask yourself these questions:

How do you think you will react if you discover that he has "homosexual tendencies"?

How will your opinion of him change if you discover that he has had erotic contact with other men before you were married? And after you were married?

If you want the truth about your husband (and if there is anything homosexual there to be revealed), and if you want him to be truthful toward you about his feelings or his behavior, how will you handle the truth? Will you use it against him? Can he trust you to handle the truth compassionately?

Or do you intend to hurt him and behave in a vengeful fashion (possibly disguised in your mind as righteousness)?

I recommend that, if you want truth and trust and respect, then you need to make a firm commitment (to yourself) to treat your husband in the same way, no matter what you find out about him, EVEN IF he lies to you for a while and even if he should lie repeatedly in the face of undeniable evidence.

Many, many, many married men have homoerotic tendencies, and the ways men act on these tendencies take many, many, many forms. (The same goes for married women, obviously.) I am not saying you have to accept or tolerate everything. What you accept or tolerate is of course for you to decide. Just remember, though, that your husband is an individual, so do not brand him or simply assume you know all about what he is feeling or doing. Do not simply write him off as a liar and a loser and whatever other hateful thing you can think of, if your feelings get hurt.

And finally, remember too that he is a human being just as you are, and he has the right to change his mind and to do whatever he would like, just as you have. People are not always aware of the choices that they could make, and sometimes they get into marriages they should not. Sometimes they make promises they cannot keep. Sometimes they are not clear, as mature adults, about what they should do when they get involved with the opposite sex. (The same is true as well of openly homosexual and bisexual people, by the way, in their affairs.)

If you can bridge this subject with your husband face to face in a way that will make him feel safe, you will have to give this matter some time and some very understanding attention. You will not get your answer from one conversation. It is totally possible that your husband, IF he has homosexual tendencies, is not really clear about what his sexuality is all about. So IF he is homosexually inclined, he might not be able to talk with you about it in a matter-of-fact way, all at once. Quite possibly you both have a lot of learning to do.

I'm sorry if I sound like a know-it-all or as if I am taking his side. What I would like to promote is mutual understanding and a deepening of understanding between you and your husband, regardless of whether you remain married. Best wishes.

Answer 2

First, please don't equate feminine traits with being gay. Only a tiny percentage of gay men assume feminine mannerisms - most look and act as straight men do. And there are some men who seem quite feminine who actually identify as straight.

The issue here is - would it bother you more if your husband was looking at and appreciating beautiful women or handsome men? As long as he doesn't act on those feelings, it shouldn't really matter.

If you think he has been seeing other people, again it won't matter if they are men or women - he will have betrayed your trust, unless the two of you have agreed to an open relationship.

Be careful of unreasoning jealousy - many relationships end because one partner becomes jealous without any foundation. If you don't actually know that he has been unfaithful (whether with a man or a woman) keep these thoughts to yourself. If and when you see real evidence, then you should confront him and decide between you if there is a future for your relationship, or if it is time to go your separate ways. Few relationship survive a breakdown of trust.

Answer 3

The description you have given may suggest he might be Homosexual but cannot define it! May be he owes some debt either monetary or psychologically. He may be respecting him a lot, That's why it may not be possible for him to say "no!" Also sexuality is a spectrum ranging from heterosexual to homosexual with bisexual tendencies to persons with no sexual affiliations at all! Try to speak to him directly in soft language. Do not suggest anything to his wife! That may aggravate his familial problems.One thing can be done, see whether he is ready to take whole his family for vacation!

Answer 4

hmmm I shouldn't say this as I am g0y (yes that was typed right not a misspelling) but if he is checking out other men. He will look at them and if they look at him he will look away real quick and glance back to see if they noticed he was looking. I catch myself doing this a lot.
Straight men tend to look down when facing a stranger on the sidewalk in passing. If he is bisexual it doesn't mean he will cheat on you even if he has a few tendencies almost 40% of bisexuals never act on their feelings. because their attractions for the same sex are not strong enough to overcome their heterosexual side, so to speak. 11.6% (estimate) are like me 50/50 on their scale of attraction to either sex and the rest generally more homosexual than heterosexual.

Over 62 % of the population is bisexual. It is not uncommon. We are the majority not the minority.

Answer 5

I don't understand the desire to ask hundreds of complete strangers about a VERY personal situation between you and your husband. I would think... considering you are MARRIED to the man, you would know him well enough to have the answer to this question BEFORE marriage.

Homosexuality isn't a matter of feminine/macho. Homosexuality is about who a person is attracted to.

Answer 6

alot of the time people just to conclusions about men being gay simply because of two things. Either they may be a little femanine or they are just very safe inside them selves. Just because a man doesnt seem majorly matcho does not mean that he is a homosexual

Answer 7

Randy gave good advice about watching his eyes when around other men.
Also:
Are you good with computers? Can you search his computer for photos of men? How about emails from men?
Do you think he is cheating on you with men?
Have you tried sticking your fingers in his anus during sex? Is it tight?

Some straight men are effeminate. Some gay men are very masculine. He may not be gay at or maybe he is.

Answer 8

Gay Tendencies

Answer 9

Is he having anal sex with large groups of anonymous men? Is he hanging out at highway rest stops? Does he know what the term 'glory hole' means? If so, then he is gay! Or, at least, he's the former governer of NJ...hahahah is that you Mrs. McGreevey?

Answer 10

Open and honest conversation is the only sure fire way for you to feel better. Sit down and talk about it - you sound very level headed to me and non-judgemental...that is going to help you a lot.