I have to babysit him constantly,he really is a good man but he cant do anything unless I am there to direct him,I feel like his babysitter instead of his wife,any suggestions?
2006-08-10 02:06:15 · 18 answers · asked by TAMMY M 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
When you figure it out, you'll win the Nobel Prize.
Men are just wired differently than women. Seriously. It has been proven that the connections in a mans brain are different than women. They are not as complexed. Therefore, men have a more difficult time multi-tasking, taking things seriously (aka "being the grown up), etc.
It just has to be considered one of the precious things we love about men. Otherwise, the human race would die out.
Good luck!
2006-08-10 02:32:43 · answer #1 · answered by pink_tiarra 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, it would probably help more to know what you really mean. Surely you don't mean he'd fall over a balcony if you weren't there. Surely you don't mean he'd sit in his own filth if you weren't there. So what do you really mean? Do you mean he throws his socks on the floor, leaves out the peanut butter and bread when he makes sandwhiches? Do you mean if a realtor calls to work on a deal with you guys, he can't function on the phone? Do you mean he'll do a project but leave all his tools out afterwards?
At any rate, this is how he learned to get his needs met in childhood - to act helpless. It really is ugly in a man, isn't it? In my family, we call them tatalas, men who like to be waited on and don't contribute to the adult functioning of the house.
They won't change, at least as long as you do what they want. Which they will try to make you do with guilt or anger. If you want something different, you must stop jumping in and doing it, you must stop handling it. He will resist this mightily because he is afraid of being a man - obviously, he's been taught he can't cut it. or, he's really not so good a man, and doesn't mind having a wife do all the work. in which case, if you don't have kids yet, consider leaving unless this is what you want.
2006-08-10 09:19:51 · answer #2 · answered by cassandra 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You cannot change another person you can only change yourself. Did you know about his co-dependency before you married him? Maybe you should sit down and discuss your expectations of what you need and want in a marriage. Also ask him if he feels that you get on his case too much. Try to find a compromise on how to deal with issues. Sometimes when a person gets on someone else's case so much the other person just ignores the situation instead of talking and trying to figure out what BOTH people want. Sorry, there is not enough information for me to give actual suggestions.
2006-08-10 09:12:08 · answer #3 · answered by Erica, AKA Stretch 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let me tell you something I have seen this problem too often with women. The problem is that the labels that society putted on us. Women was the house wife back then, now we have became so feminist that we don't even no it. We try to go over the edge showing that we can do better than man. My point is that when you met him you knew some how that he was dependent on somebody and it seemed not so big deal for you maybe at that time. He is not confident of himself. Sit down with him let him be in charge. Take bit by bit helping him out, for example let him make a payment and mailing one of the bills. Don't let this problem drive you to a divorce. Divorce is not a solution for couples problems only when disrespect on all aspects and abuse is present. say to yourself " I can do this." Let him be in charge and step back. Let him feel he can do something. I hope I have being helpful.
2006-08-10 09:40:16 · answer #4 · answered by tinybaby0120 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm not sure you can make him take responsibility. This is something that when he's ready and true eventually it will happen. I wonder the same thing sometimes with my son's father i've triend many many times and i'm just tired of it. There's only so much that i can do i've just learned to leave things as such and just hope that he will turn around and initiate for once and acutally take responsibility.
2006-08-10 09:17:23 · answer #5 · answered by MIA 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Free will. You have issues and need to except him for who he is. If you want change have a talk with him. Tell him your points of view and I'm sure he'll have some input about your flaws and you can both work on being perfect people.... just start laughing.... still laughing..Nobody is perfect the sooner you except that the better off you'll be.
2006-08-10 09:13:19 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
yeah, go on a short break (to ur parents, etc) and in that time dont let him be in touch with you.. let him deal with some major problems himself.. he'll get the message.. but make sure it's what you want - you'd rather you direct him than he start throwin u around!
2006-08-10 09:10:23 · answer #7 · answered by conspicuous 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When placed in a "sink or swim" situation, most men will learn to swim. You have to find an analog that fits your situation.
Don't get divorced if you have kids - they will never get over it. Otherwise, if he can't swim, go find someone who can.
2006-08-10 09:12:48 · answer #8 · answered by M S 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Discuss the problem openly, make sure YOU'RE not doing anything to emasculate him, and encourage activiites together in which he can take charge and make decisions.
2006-08-10 09:15:00 · answer #9 · answered by mark r 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
just tell him that you are his wife not his mother. and put it straight with him that he don't change his way that you are going to leave him for good and you are going to find yourself a real man. if he loves you he will changed his way
2006-08-10 09:14:51 · answer #10 · answered by jenniferrosa_2006 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋