Feeling uncomfortable with husband pleasuring himself and Porn!?

Question

Okay.. here's the deal.. I have a problem with my husband masterbating. He does it every morning. It bothers me. I have told him and tried to join but it didn't do anything. I have a problem with him and porn. i don't like it. I have told him and he tells me that there will be no porn in the house but I always find it . In turn I get hurt because I feel lied to. I keep telling him if I know about it then there is no problem but in my heart it's still going to be a problem. I love my husband and I know it's natural but does anyone know what i can do to help me feel acceptable to this situation. I really don't want this to be an issue. I know that men are visual and that porn helps them. Sure I take care of myself. I don't do it everyday. Don't want to. I just need some help on how to deal with it. He knows that I have a problem with it. He says he hides with because he has always been told it's wrong. When i find it then he feels disgusted and doesn't want to do anything with me.

Answer 1

Real men don't need porn.

Answer 2

I enjoy porn with my husband. My husband and I have a rule. Anywhere one of use goes the other is invited. That includes the private den.

You don't like it so you will not go and watch porn. There is nothing wrong with that. You are just a self respecting women who loves her husband and only wants herself and her husband around for love making. Why should he need that stuff to get really turned on? Your other problem is that your hubby will tell you what you want to hear to shut you up rather than be honest with you. I hate this for you and understand the delicacy of this situation. The bottom line is that you have made an effort to accept the porn and you couldn't. Now it is time for your husband to except the fact that porn turns you off and makes you feel inferior to silicone and blown out over used vaginas. Maybe its time to tell him that all that interest he's putting into other people doing it is interest he needs to put into his wife. Hell...you two may want to discuss pulling a mirror up next to the bed. Me and my hubby started that and to be honest ever sense the porn at my house is obsolete. I think you should let him read my answer. Your feelings are hurt because you want your husband to love you and show you love doing what you want to do in the bedroom. When and if he makes you feel secure you will grow and do more sexually. But everytime he brings porn in your house it sets you back a step. A women has to be confident to blossum in the bedroom. I know I have covered a lot of ground in this answer so If I have confussed you then please email me.

Answer 3

You are in a difficult situation.. You said that you try to join him but he does not accept
that was going to be my answer. Do you enjoy watching porn at all? He says he has always been told it is wrong but if you watch it with him then he might see it as more acceptable and invite you to watch it and join in with him..he doesn't need to feel that he has to hide it from you.. Maybe in this instance you could comprise and do it together a few times a week and he not by himself as much. Your right it is normal for a man to masterbate..at least he is not going outside the marriage..that is one way to look at it. how long have you been married? I ask this because my husband and I have been married nearly seven years and this never happens anymore it used to though when we first got married.. I hope you two can come to some sort of comprise...Good luck!

Answer 4

Hmm... from what I read in your question, it's not that you don't understand him doing it, you seem to have the most trouble with the fact that he lies about it to you and doesn't want to share some with you.

I think that you both have a little issue to work on.
For him, he needs to understand that he doesnt make this any better by lying to you about it. He has been told this is a bad thing and his way out of that was to do it as a secret, but that wil give him feelings of guilt, and even worse, it will bring you further away from each other. So, he should accept the fact that masturbating and porn is not a bad thing IF everything is in balance. Now, by behaving this way, he only makes it worse to you and also to himself.

For you, it is understandable that you don't like it this way, because your husband is doing something in secret, and does his best to keep you out. All the understanding you do have, is being shadowed over by the fact that he lies to you, and pushes you away. I fully understand how this is making you uncomfortable.

If this would not be a threat to you, you might have no problems with it anymore if he does masturbate. But now it is treatening because it drives you apart instead of together. And because he still feels the need but doesn't want to make a problem, he does it in secret.

You are both in a troubled situation by this, and as far as I can see from your question, you are both suffering from this.
The solution is not him stopping to masturbate.
The solution might be to learn to accept it, the both of you, so that the pressure is of and he doesn't lie to you about it aymore.

If something is destructive in a relationship, it is when you don't come together and are not honest to each other. I think THAT is the problem, not the masturbating itself.
You might try to give him less pressure. He might try to accept himself, and to choose to be honest to you.

Sh yeah last but not least, him masturbating should not stand in the way of the two of you having sex! If the balance is that you have a bad sexlife and he masturbates a lot, that really is a bad thing HE needs to think about!

Answer 5

After the birth of our children, I began promoting masturbation. I was in no mood to have sex, and I knew my husband needed the relief so I used it as a asset. I turned it into a game - and funny, it eventually created some intimacy within our relationship that never existed before.

Since both of you have issues about something so natural - set up some guidelines. Pick a spot for him to hide his porn that is a safety spot (meaning where you won't look). Let life carry on with no mention.

I commend you for trying to fine a workable solution for you both - as you grow more in your marriage, things will change, and both of ya'll will get more comfortable.

Answer 6

No this isn't natural. Once in a while is natural. This is an addiction. He's not going to stop. You can scream and ball your eyes out and he'll still be addicted. I know of two marriages that broke up over this. You might try counseling.

Answer 7

You have to either accept the porn as part of his daily routine.
Or make sure he does not need the porn, keep him happy, make sure he wants for nothing. You have the power to do this, your a woman.
Good Luck!

Answer 8

"porn helps them".

Really think so, uh ?

Me, I say "not by the hairs of your chinny-chin-chin" it don't.

Actually that's problem two.

A standard answer may be see a marriage counselor. The last place for that is a public access sandbox like YA.

This may be serious enough, and clearly outside help is needed.
Can't help wondering what other areas of your life together are equally troubled, but that would beyond the scope.

Usually intimacy troubles are preceeded by money, in-laws, and what-have-you messes.

Get busy lookin for help, won't you.

Answer 9

You have a big problem on your hands and I sincerely wish you the very best with this.
I had found a link with same cases like yours and maybe it will give you some good advice good luck:)

Answer 10

Madam,you should understand him and his requirement.Why not give him company and enjoy with him ? Doing so ,will make both of you happy and loving.Just try.