after finding out I am pregnant against his time clock, hubby wanted to leave. I was fine with it (he was shocked) and thought I was acting cocky. I was tired of feeling threatened and really turned off by his attitude. hours later he called me from work to say he loves me and wants to stay. After all the questions and convo, he stayed but still complains every so many weeks. I'm tired of the complaints and basically told him I'd be better off without him if he feels that way but he painted a pretty picture to our pastor in counseling saying he loves me and wants his family. what do you think his purpose for staying was if he's going back and forth trying to "deal" and "accept" everything, why didn't he just leave in the first place? I didn't ask him to do otherwise...
2006-08-10 01:35:55 · 14 answers · asked by Skypride 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
i even offered for him to sign over parental rights when he said he was leaving. my reasoning is to allow someone else new in my life the opportunity to adopt, there are good men out there that would love to be a father if the relationship with the mother was serious and strong enough. other than that i just don't care to have the court hassle about custody and child support etc... of course he didn't like the idea.
2006-08-10 01:40:43 · update #1
he's bipolar No really he doesn't even know what he wants.
tell him to leave until he finds out what he really wants because he's hurting you and could hurt the baby, stressing you out so much.
you could miscarry and etc. there are many things that could happen when your stressed.
2006-08-10 01:41:57 · answer #1 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The only reason he said he would stay was because you were not crying begging him to stay with you. If you had done that he would have been gone. If I were you I would tell him he either needs to act like a respectfully husband or leave. No one needs to live with a man who acts like he is only there out of some obligation and who is not really happy. I know I would not want to live with any guy who acted that way. Does he understand you are in the situation also? You may have some worries and concerns too? Or are his feelings the only feelings that matter? In marriage you need a mate and a helper. It seems your husband is a complainer! Tell him to either shape up or get out! I am sure his attitude is very annoying!
2006-08-10 01:49:09 · answer #2 · answered by strawberries 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What is he complaining about? Sounds like he's playing some kind of mind games to see where he stands with you, especially now that you're having a baby. He's probably afraid that once the baby is born, you will have no time for him and feels threatened by the attention you will give the new baby. I don't understand why he has to resort to mind games just to find out how you feel about him. Communication could've been so much easier.
2006-08-10 01:45:50 · answer #3 · answered by cheetah7 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I applaud you for your ability to remain steadfast in a situation like this. I don't know why some people do this...he IS your husband. Why would he leave you simply because your pregnancy is inconvenient. Guys like that need to grow up. I think he's one of those men that are used to calling the shots and now he realizes that you are to strong be threatened...that you know your OWN stregnth. Good job girl. But if you want to save your marriage, let him know that too. It's not about having the upperhand...it's about loving each other through good and bad. Now if HE's not willing to do that...bounce.
2006-08-10 01:53:39 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm going to guess from your picture that you're African-American. And so is your man. If I'm wrong, then I apologize.
Black men in particular are subject to extremely conflicting social views of behaviour. And, just going by stats, he may be the product of a fatherless home. And if he is, whether he's black or not, that's going to affect it.
Have you asked him how he FEELS? Not what he wants to do, but how he feels? Does he feel he's going to screw up the baby? Does he have a good example of fatherhood?
Find out what he is afraid of, because it's something.
2006-08-10 02:14:09 · answer #5 · answered by mark r 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Men express fear differently..VERY differently. Pregnancy is the ultimate fear for most men. He's expressing this by not being sure of what's going to happen. He's probably scared out of his mind but doesn't want to seem like a wimp.
Don't ask him if he's scared-he'll surely respond angrily and say no but he definantly sounds like it. Try to express some of your worries and engage him. Like, if you're scared of the delivery or if you'll be good parents. Ask him if worries about the same thing.
And don't let him paint the pretty picture to your pastor. If you have to, chuck him under the bus and discuss the things he says to you privately with your pastor. Don't let him out on that one...he needs to own up. He's scared of what his pastor will think if he admits he scares or not sure about being ready for the baby. Your pastor will understand but your husband really needs to talk this out with him. Encourage him to have a couple of sessions alone with your pastor so he can talk freely and not seem less manly in your eyes.
Congrats on the baby-for most men, this reaction is normal especially when the pregnancy is unexpected. Mine reacted the same and so did my brothers and most men I know when their wives were expecting. (There are some exceptions to this rule and I know a couple of them too.)
Here's a couple of links to scan. Just for comfort..try to get him to read them too.
Best wishes.
http://kidshealth.org/parent/positive/family/father.html
http://world.std.com/~reinhold/babytips.html
http://www.fathersforlife.org/fatherhood/toc.htm
2006-08-10 01:53:03 · answer #6 · answered by southrngirl2724 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
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2016-11-04 06:47:08 · answer #7 · answered by falls 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is unsure of everything. If you are getting tired of his ways, you might have to make the decision for him. Think long and hard b4 you do anything tho. I'd still go to counseling. Maybe that will help. Good luck!
2006-08-10 01:41:43 · answer #8 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe the question should be....do you want him to stay? Do you want him in your life? I lived 14 years with a complaining husband. It isn't worth the time and effort.
2006-08-10 01:41:31 · answer #9 · answered by bookfreak2day 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think he fooled himself into the level of action (or reaction) he got and is trying to save face.
The picture you paint may indicate you are better off without him
2006-08-10 01:40:03 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋