Why is it that teenage girls can be so competitive?

Question

Absolutly no offense here, I'm just curious. I never was able to figure it out, even when I was one myself!
As a mother, I quite often think about what my daughter is up against in her future in (regards to her school years) & teenage girls can really be mean!! My girl is only 5 & is already experiencing bully type behaviour such as her hair being cut & being chased to the point of crying. Some of the older girls hold her down putting her in a frightening (for a 5 year old) situation. I'm just wondering how I can understand why teenage girls get so competitive so that I might help my girl when the time comes. I know I know, I have years, but I'm a slow learner!!!!
I do understand that it is not ALL teenage girls so for the teen girls reading this, please don't be insulted, open your thoughts to me so that I can understand you more :o)
thanks in advance for the answers

Answer 1

I think it's because they're so desperate to feel like they have value. The teen years are full of angst and doubts about worthiness--am I competent, do I have a place in this world? I think they're terrified that the answer is "no," so they try to make sure they're at the top of the pile by being mean to anyone they can put down. It's like whistling in the dark.

I think the best thing you can teach your daughter is not to react. When they cut her hair, don't cry; get a cute hairstyle (and maybe you could call their mother and ask why). When chased, don't run; look at the chasers like there's something wrong with them. Her best defense is a "Whatever's wrong with you?" attitude when they try to mess with her. Not easy for a 5-year-old. Not easy for a 30-year-old either.

We get so much of our identity from what others think of us (or what we think they think of us) that when a psychologically powerful girl treats your daughter as inferior, it's reflex to act like that, or to get defensive and try to prove she's not inferior--which puts her in the subordinate position of trying to convince the bully that the bully is wrong. The bully is then in control and remains in control until she gets tired of it or your daughter decides that it doesnt' matter what Bully thinks of her. I know this is not quite the situation you're describing, but it will apply later on.

It is hard to be truly psychologically independent of these powerful girls, but that is the only thing that will protect her. She must know in her deepest being that she is worthy, so that when these bullies try to gain power over her by implying that she is not, their hooks will find no purchase in her psyche (make sense?).

I would also make a report, in writing with the office signing to acknowldging receipt, of any significant incident. You are walking a fine line here--you want the authorities to protect your daughter w/o the bullies teasing her for your report. It is their job, and yours, just like it's the job of our house to protect us from bad weather. But if your daughter hauls off and hits one of them, it would be helpful to have some incidents documented to show self defense. Also, I would document every incident, even if you don't report every one to the school.

If an adult cut someone's hair or held them down, it would be assault and they could get arrested. Maybe you could point that out to the aurhorities and the other girls' parents. Also tell your daughter--she might find satisfaction and strength in knowing that what these girls are doing is not okay; it's not normal social behavior; it's illegal.

Sorry for rambling.

Answer 2

I don't agree with blah that it just life so deal with it. Not at all. I would teach my daughter to stand up for herself when she is being treated unfairly. If older girls are holding her down and it's upsetting her then talk to the adults in charge. If necessary talk to the bullies parents. Teach your daughter that this type of behavior is not acceptable and she does not have to accept it from anyone. I too think that teenage girls have become so competitive that it's sad. I don't know if this behavior is being taught by parents or it's just a sign of the times but it's a sad thing to see. Compassion is both sexes is a valuable asset. The absence of it in females gives cause for great concern for the next generation.

Answer 3

Girls can be really jealous, so they bully you to make you feel like crap, which gives them feeling of smugness. Some girls don't like it if you dress differently or have a different attitude toward living and life. We can be competitive mainly because we want to be the best looking, in a sense of fashion and hair styles etc. It's all about being the most popular and the most pretty, and the best at subjects like Sciences or the arts..,... etc. The main source of competitiveness is Jealously. That's here it comes from, when u see a girl dressed amazingly and hanging around with all her friends and everyone is nice and friendly to her and she is the "best" at everything, the jealous comes in, then the competitive side comes out. by wanting to be the best dressed, the best looking, the most popular, the most clever.etc....

It's sad, but true.

Answer 4

Teenage girls, like most adolescents, know that we live in a competitive world, and act as they see fit in this rat race.

Sorry about your daughter, but to be subjected to this as a 5 year old is bullying and the school authorities should be notified and deal with it urgently. This is assault and should not be allowed to happen.

Answer 5

Teach your child patience and meekness. I'm sure she'll be okey. Yes, there are some teenagers who can easily get jealous so it's best not to trigger the jealousy proned.
Tell your child also that she can trust you. Let her feel assured that you'll be there whenever she needs you. Teach her also how to properly defend herself, not physically, but in a wise way.

Answer 6

thats life yyour daughter has to deal with it