How do you make e relationship work??

Question

Me and my bf only got back together at the weekend after being apart for 6 weeks,we`ve been together almost 6 years and have a son who is almost 4.I`m 24 and he`s 28.

We both decided that we still love each other and cant imagine being with any1 else and have decided that we both need to change,me be more outgoing and confident and him drink less,I`m really scared that things wont work out again and i`ll feel the way i did when he left.

So how do you make a relationship work??How do you stop things getting boring and dull again especially when there is a child about and we cant go out every weekend and jump into bed when we want?I`d appreciate any good advice,xx

Answer 1

Communication and trust is a big part in any relationship. Try not to think about the past, just look forward to the future. If you stay in the past and worry things will be the same they will be. All relationships have ups and downs, but if you work on it you will make. Keep the fire in the relationship by trying to go out once a month and be by yourselves. If you truly love one another it will work out.

Answer 2

First things first do you love him and does he love you, or are you both just in lust with each other?
You have been together for years have a child together that is 4 years old!!! What's missing from this picture? Oh! your not married, why not? you are just living together with no commitment to each other, nothing to build on. sounds to me that you both should do some soul searching and either get married and build a true relationship, or give it up because the way it is right now will never work and it is not fair to your child. Your both being selfish, thinking of your carnal needs and not the best interest of your child, wake up and face your responsibilities, be a good mom.
As far as getting along it takes two people to make a healthy relationship, if both are not willing to work at it, then it won't work. One can prolong it but it will never last.

Answer 3

communication, always communication. you need to let the other person how you are feeling. never let things boil up inside you or the worst WILL happen. just because your child is around doesn't mean that things between the two of you will get dull, you just need to accept that there are limitations on what you can do. if you've got back together after having been apart and realize that what you want is each other then stop worrying about the negative what if's and start enjoying the positives. but remember, always communicate and you'll be fine. Good Luck to you.

Answer 4

Ok on the positive side you have both committed yourselves to sorting out your problems and you have identified what you would like to see as the outcome.

For you more confidance for him cutting down his drinking.

You can communicate well, because you have demonstrated that you can in coming to these conclusions. You should pat yourselves on the back for this

Your partner may want to seek some outside support in order to cut down his drinking
http://www.downyourdrink.org.uk
may be helpful, the doctor may also be able to put him in touch with groups that can support both of you with regard to the drinking.

Plenty of women lose their confidance when they become mothers, some of it is isolation and being a carer, losing touch with work friends. Having less time to do the things that you enjoy.
Perhaps your partner can take some of the child caring responsibility for short spells so that you can begin to do the things that you enjoy, or perhaps work or study again. This sharing of responsibility will probably bring youcloser together as well as give you time to do things which will enrich your self worth.

I think that some of your apprehention is based on feeling that you will fail. You really must look at how much you have achived so far. You have not given up, you have both committed yourselves to making it work. Both of you has identified things which you see as undesirable in yourselves that needs change- and it takes a lot to be able to do that. Many people far older than you fail especially when children are involved. So you must see that you actually have a lot going for you. You can build on this and see it as a strength.

Do not talk yourselves into failure and don't be scared to ask eachother for help. Likewise asking for the help of anybody else is not weakness or foolish, in fact it is quite the opposite.

good luck to you both

S
x

Answer 5

communicate with each other.
you can still go out, just not as often. have a family member watch the child 1 a week. and maybe hire a babysitter.(just an idea)
when you put the child to bed at 8pm then you can go to "bed" at 9pm(gives the child time to sleep)
do things that you both like to do for fun.
but still make time by yourselves. and time with your child.

how does he plan on "drinking less"? he cant do it by himself.
how do you "become" outgoing? I was curious.

free movies are at the library, and just enjoy staying home and watch movie or play cards or board games together.

your child will be starting school in another year or 2.(5 or 6yr old) and then you will be handling homework schedule and dinner and fun time. this is normal, we all go through this. (married parents).

Answer 6

It takes alot of hard work. You both have to work at it and keep the communication lines open. Try experimental stuff too. The biggest thing is the communication tho. As long as he is willing to quit drinking, I think you'll do fine. Your confidence will boost once things start looking better. I really hope the best for you but it is work. You can do it if you really want to tho. Good luck.

Answer 7

You have to examine why you are lacking in confidence and your boyfriend has to ask himself why he is drinking so much. You are both trying to hide from something and maybe you should both go and get some form of counselling to help you. The problems with your relationship will not just go away. Relationships need worked at and i think if you really want this to work then you should seek professional help. Good luck x

Answer 8

There are more things to do in life then going out every weekend and making love. Plan to do things with each other as a couple and to also plan family time which includes all three of you.

Let your imagination do the work for you. Partner with your boyfriend and ask him what he might want to do when you have couple time together.

Answer 9

i dont think you can make it work but you can give it a good basis to work by having a positve attitude how about going out once a week just you 3? do something different everytime. Then maybe just you two could go out and start having your own fun or if thats not possible get your little boy to bed light some candles and set the mood!

Answer 10

hi,
well to make the relationship work, both of u need to have lots of patience and need to communicate with each other.... there are many ways in which u can show u partner that u still love him and care for him... such as buy little silly presents for him, make his favourite meal, a simple message when u are not together, and little attentions when u are together... whisper sweet words to him... be creative and romantic.... and u will see that slowly your partner will also start to be more attentive and care more for your relationship... don`t get angry about petty matters and talk with each other a lot....

hope it works well for u
take care