My "friend with benefits" wants something more serious with me.?

Question

I am unhappily married but not willing to leave because of my children and finances. Anyway now my friend is threatening to tell my husband about us unless I leave him. I love my "friend" as a friend...he is my superfreak he does things my husband wouldn't ever think of and I dont want to lose him either...what should I do?

POST NOTE...my "friend" and I have been intimate for 2 years...when we started he knew all of the ground rules. He broke up with his girlfriend to be with me. My husband is a great father just not a great husband. (boring..works...eats...sleeps)

Answer 1

For him to threaten to tell does not make him your friend any more.
The sex may be awesome, but he is not a friend.
He is using a threat to get what he wants.
EXTORTION ON ANY LEVEL, FOR WHAT EVER REASON, IS WRONG.

Answer 2

Hello,
You have got yourself in a big mess. You are married and have children but you do not want to divorce him because you afraid that you won't have any money support.
First, why are you unhappy with your marriage?Did you ever love your husband....if so, why did your feelings change.......Think back to the time you were in love with him...write down all the reasons you loved this man and
wanted to spend the rest of your life with him....
This is what I would do if I was in your situation:
I would set up a time to talk to my husband and I would have all my thoughts
and questions down on paper,(make sure your kids are not home and
arrange for them to spend the night somewhere else so you have privacy
and you'll are not interrupted.Talk to him from your heart and tell him that
you are seeing another man and that he is threatening to tell him about your relationship.Sure.........he will be angry(wouldn't you if the shoes where switched,think about it)
Be sure to tell him that you have been unhappy inthe marriage and that's why you found another man.....Tell him everything and do not hold back. When
you are through,listen to him. After all the time talking,you'll need to decide if your marriage is worth saving....I suggest counseling if you both agree.If
you do decide to try again :I would call this other man and tell him you told your husband everything and you are staying with your husband.Tell him to never contact you again. Also inform him he is not the kind of man you'd have a serious relationship with because he threaten you.
Let say you'll decide your relationship isn't worth saving.I would look in the phonebook yelow pages under attorney referral in your town and call tha t number and get a good divorce lawyer.If..you are granted your custody you will recieve child support for each chil to the age of 18, and alimony if you weren't working....You will be glad you told your husband about the affair
because more than likely you'll get to keep your children.
Why do you want to be with a man that threatened you?What is more important:this superfreak or your children????I pray you break off all connections to this man if he is threatening you know he will continue too..
Is it worth it ? I hope you and your husband can find the love and connection that you had the day you married.......also, ihope you used a condom with this other man if not please be checked for HIV and STDS as soon as possible...

Answer 3

Honestly you HAVE to choose. You're leading your friend into thinking you love him differently, and if he tells your husband you can always get counseling to figure it all out. But you have got to stop leading them both on. Choose. Children and finances will be fine after a while, but the longer this goes on the worse it'll be when it hits open air(gets told). Your husband and children will be hurt less if you admit everything now, and your marriage may even be better off if you can get your problems sorted out. It sounds like what you need to do is tell your husband before your friend does...it's better if you tell him now than if your friend does. Also if you choose your friend tell your husband it's not really his fault and you hope to be friends(for your childrens' sake). If you choose to stay with your family tell your husband you made a stupid mistake because you were a little confused and very stressed and want to get some marriage counseling to sort YOUR head out better and so you both can be happier in your marriage. Hope this helps took me like two minutes to type.

Answer 4

I'm not sure if you two set up any boundaries at the beginning, but he should have understood from the first that you couldn't leave your husband. What you have to do is break it off, as unfortunate for you as that may be. You, being a woman, will easily find a man to slip into his role. I long for a playmate in just your situation. No strings, but fun we can have that we just don't with our spouses. Our own secret, with no judgments about the desires of the other, and no worries about expressing them. You see, there are others out there like you who would care enough about you to understand the risk you're taking!