Well your marriage has been based on lies which hurts the trust issue in a relationship.
But think about this.......sounds like you were pretty much demanding a very well educated man to be your partner, your husband felt threatened I'm sure.
But you married him thinking that he had a higher education and you have survived over three years thinking he did.
So evident ally he was intelligent enough for you to marry.
Alot of people tell white lies to cover up insecurities and to build themselves up in others eyes.
He probably told you this lie to make himself sound worthy of you when you first met and then felt he couldn't tell you the truth later or he would lose you.
While there is never an excuse to begin a relationship with lies maybe he thought that was the only way to get you to pay attention to him in the first place since you put such a high value on education...........Think about it.........Would you have started a relationship with him if he had told you the truth in the beginning?
As for the child issue that is another story......He should have told you about this child in the beginning. And since he did not then that tells me that he is a dead beat dad and has not been paying child support for this other child nor been a part of it's life.....which in my book is unforgivable.
Only you can decide if your relationship/marriage is worth salvaging.
2006-08-15 11:27:42
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answer #1
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answered by ETxYellowRose 5
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ok....so your educated brain didn't pick up the fact that your uneducated hubby isn't as educated as you thought he was. WHAT is the POINT??????
I find him pretty intelligent if he was able to fool you into believing that he was educated. He obviously can carry on intelligent conversations otherwise you would've never been fooled. In the course of your 5 yr relationship and 3 1/2 yrs olf marriage...there obviously is other factors factored into the distrust.
I think you're using the lie of the educational inadequacy as a vise to seek out a divorce. I'm sorry I just don't buy your story!!!
If this person is a good provider, good father, a good husband......then what is your problem? so he lied....maybe he had to to win your heart....Sound to me like you are what I classify as a social and educational FUQUE! A snob is another word for it.....
2006-08-17 00:24:57
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answer #2
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answered by aunt_beeaa 5
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Well if love is involved then it should not have mattered that he did not have an education. You set your standards way to high. But the fact that he lied made it tottally wrong. Is it possible that he did not know about the child before?????? OR is it possible that the childs mother would not let him have anything to do with the child and it was too painfull for him to talk about. Before you go through a divorce, maybe the two of you should go through some marriage counceling, 3 and 1/2 years of marriage with a child is a bit much to throw away. Think about it first, get some counceling, talk to your preacher or pastor, and get some good spiritual advice, and then decide what to do. (people get divorced way to easily these days) Think about it before you just throw it all away. If he felt he had to lie to you to make you love him, then maybe he does not have the confidents he needs to be who he is.
2006-08-16 08:21:32
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answer #3
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answered by addybme 4
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You are married to him and God did not bring you together just to break you apart(that's what would make the devil happy).The Bible says that if someone does you wrong and they come & ask your forgiveness,then you should forgive like God would forgive you if you went to Him,confessed your sins & asked for His forgiveness(God is faithful and just to forgive you of your sins and cleanse you from all unrighteousness.Also,He will cast your sins into the sea of forgetfulness where they will be remembered no more).Your marriage is honourable in the sight of God and man,no man can gainsay that and when you said your vows I'm sure that you said "for better or for worse that you would love & honor him...". I know that he lied to you & that was DEFINITELY not right but I ask you to pray about it & let God make a way for you both.It's not too late to let the truth in.If he knew that you wanted an educated person then that must surely be why he lied about it cuz he realized that he wouldn't have a chance otherwise.You even admit to it.I think he must've loved you a lot to do that(he could have gone with someone else with less education who wouldn't have minded).He just did the wrong thing in lying.You have to ask yourself -Do you really think that an educated man would love you more? I don't think so.You might get more earthly pleasures that way but earthly pleasures can't love you back.The Bible says that it is better to have a little with love than to have riches and strife.Be thankful for what you have and pray that God would help you both to be the way He ordained for a man & his wife to be(to love with Christ's love which He loved with when He gave His life for the world),honest & faithful,working together...There's a lot more but I can't write out the whole Bible for you so I would have to encourage you now to read your Bible to know God's will for you & your husband.God bless you and remember that someone somewhere is praying for you.Love you.
2006-08-17 08:54:26
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answer #4
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answered by child of God 3
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Can you honestly say that won't second guess everything he says from now till the end of time. These are alot bigger than little white lies and if you can't trust him what kind of life is that for you and your baby. My God I can't believe he did this to you for 5 years, is there anything else he lied about and would he tell you if there was or just wait till some one else tells you and deal with it then. Be strong and do what's in your heart, it's the right thing to do, if not for you then do it for your child.
2006-08-17 06:54:49
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answer #5
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answered by jesse'sgirl 1
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II understand your disappointment; I found out that my Husband, who told me from the beginning he studied at the university and in fact, he works as Engineer, only went to a three year technical study after the high school. I already knew his general culture was more than limited, but somewhere very intellectual men were to boring to me.
I knew he was divorced, no kids. One day I found out that he had been married not only once, as he said but twice before me, but till now, if he has a child must be very well hidden.
By that moment, my daughter was not in our life, and I decided to talk with him and put in clear that I was not going to tolerate more lies, that he called "omissions". Somewhere I understand that he tried to protect his “youth mistakes” and his concerns to be fully accepted if I knew everything from the first time. I also hided – and keep on hiding – certain moments of my life that are not making me particularly proud of myself.
Since that moment till now, he made some progresses, even though the book I bought him 5 years ago is still waiting to be open.
The reason why I decided to tolerate the lie about his education came right now to my mind: education does not mean becoming a wiser or a better person. He is a very good man, a good father, and even if we have a completely different education, he gives me space enough as to make my own choices and share my hobbies with my new friends.
I noticed that most of the times he lies to me is childish enough as to let me know the truth without words. Little by little, he learned the importance of trusting in a marriage, and I learned also to judge less and understand more. Somewhere we are still trying to find equilibrium, since we are completely different persons.
Before considering breaking a relation for events that happened before knowing you think about your own mistakes. If you can not overcome your disappointment, then think once more about your daughter and what about giving him a chance to change what can be done, for instance going to College for a short term and try to teach him to read together.
I wish you all the best,
Fro
2006-08-17 06:44:08
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answer #6
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answered by Expat Froggy 3
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well that is a screwed up situation but you are married now ..everyone has a past even YOU! I think you made a commitment to this guy for better or worse so maybe u should try to work it out ..I mean if he's not cheating then u should atleast try ?If you love him and he loves you then whats the problam ..are you happy in marriage now ?? or is this an easy out? you gotta be honest with urself what do u want ..do u want the commitment or not? its your choice ..noones perfect hun and if u didnt have such high standards then maybe he wouldnt have felt the need to lie about his education ?? he lied to impress you ?not that it is a good thing to do ..I dunno u better think about what u want before you leave..especially if theres a child invovled ..ppl make mistakes hun ..im not saying that what he done was right ..cuz its not but if your in love why turn your back on it ?? love is suppost to be understanding and forgiving ..im not trying to justify what hes done just follow your heart ..do what makes you happy ..
2006-08-09 19:41:54
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answer #7
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answered by tainted.luv 1
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well first of all, being highly intelligent , great, happy for you, but your partner of 5 years, didn't achieve what you thought all along, and you want a divorce, gee lady your gonna be one lonely women in the future with that attitude.
as for being lied to, know one likes to be lied to, but understand one thing, you probably mean the world to this guy and no he did not want to loose you, so make him get what he said he had, as for the child from another relationship, does it really matter, or were you believing he was a virgin when he met you, there are so many un-wed mother and yes in some cases fathers too, so let that dog lie and worry about your own child and the life that would be if you divorce
2006-08-16 10:22:19
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answer #8
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answered by free2chat_tou 4
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Is he a good provider, loving husband, and loving parent? does he respect you in each and every way. maybe he lied because he loved you and knew you were the one. he new he had no chance without lying to you. if you answer yes stay with him and get marriage counseling and counseling for yourself. But if you think that you have to LEAVE his lying behind, then kick him out or you leave. Since he is such a liar, investigate his whole background, try to get police reports or hire an private investigator. if you have time investigate yourself. also, be careful because leaving a lying man like that who may really love you, can really hurt you. I've seen an episode on A&E that describe your situation. A man lied about everything, he said he was a medical student and blah blah , but his wife found out that he was a fraud. when he was busted, he snapped and ... Miss be careful and God Bless.
2006-08-09 19:34:27
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answer #9
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answered by averilyn06 3
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He's not the man you thought he was. You need time to get your head round this one. Men never seem to want to talk about problems so you'll probably have to figure it out yourself. Ask yourself if you would have gone for him if you'd know he had no achedemic qualifications? Maybe he wanted you so much it was easier to live the lie. Divorce is no picnic, and when children are involved cutting loose is almost impossible.
He must be pretty convincing as an "educated" person to have taken it this far.
2006-08-17 06:50:22
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answer #10
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answered by trixiepipworth 1
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