My wife and I have been married for almost 2 years and now she is questioning if we should have gotten married

Question

She recently opened a my space account and ran into an old friend from high school.They chat 2 hours a night and she likes him and may want to meet up with him to see if they have feelings for each other.His wife recently left him for another guy she met online.My wife admidited to this guy that she is unhappily married before ever saying anything to me.We have had what I would say are normal ups and downs to our marriage but I would have never thought this could happen.She did agree to marriage counseling but now wants to back down because she does not believe in counselors.I have always loved her for who she is inside and not what's on the outside and always thought she was beautiful.I tell her every day that I love her and show her every day.Before we ever got married I did walk out on her with no warning and immediatley moved in with another woman.It never lasted and we got back together.She obviously forgave me but now is throwing that back at me, I am confused.

Answer 1

The problem is not Understood clearly. I tell U why. There can be multiple reasons behind her behaving this way. Those need to be clarified before we start judging her.

1. U say U R married for 2 Years, But what is the extent of Ur love life, Who approached first ? How was her involvement with U at that time ?

2. Do U have any kids ? If yes,whats his/her/their age?
OR
If no ,do U plan having one? If not why? Any reason behind that?

3. Whats the financial position of Ur family?

It may be, that Ur wife is having a crash on her High school friend, But lets also never underestimate the possibility of any valid reason behind her seeking the other way. May be,If that reason can be turned the other way,she too would start to love U the same way she used to love in past (I feelshe still have that love for U).

Some of us,specially the ladies are Introvert, they dont tell about their feelings on their own, they need to be read,through ur mind.
She is Ur Love, so try to understand her from her angle of thought. Place Urself in her position,feel what U would probably felt being in that position,and also what U would expect others to do for U at that time. So Try that dear friend. May be,Ur problemn would be solved.

Councellor is a common friend who is professionally accredited to help U 2 get out of the troubles, Ur wife,I feelshould give it a try If she still love U. Otherwise, If she has made up her decesion,then nothing can change her mind set.

Answer 2

Bud, I have to tell you, it's probably too late. It's hard to say why she's unhappy (not enough details), but it sounds like the lines of communication have been down for a long time. She's unhappy, but she didn't tell you? I don't think that she felt comfortable enough w/ you to talk to you about that sort of thing. Ask yourself why she felt like she couldn't talk to you when she first started feeling his way. If you really and truly can't come up w/ an answer, then perhaps it has more to do with her than you, and there's not much you can do about that if she won't see a counselor.

There IS one thing that you can try, though: if it gets to the point where she is moving out, SMILE and ask her if there's anything you can do to help her. This will TOTALLY throw her off; she will not know what hit her. She will be expecting you to cry, or get mad, or just walk out. Smiling will not be on her list of the behavior she expects from you; therefore, she will be wondering why you are smiling. She'll start thinking, "Hey, maybe he's got someone else," and if she still cares for you at all, she'll start calling, supposedly just to see how you're doing, and seeing if you have anyone else around.

Man, I sure hope this helps. Divorce sucks......been there, done that.

Answer 3

Well, she saw how you left her for another woman and is justifying her actions now by what you did previously. You can't make someone love you. I found that out! Hopefully, you don't have children with her if this leads to a severance of the relationship. By chatting with this old friend from high school she is not showing respect for you as her husband. You need to explain the consequence of her pursuing a possible relationship with this other person. The consequence is that this will probably lead to a divorce. It appears she is unhappy and unfortunately, without knowing the specifics of your marriage I am unable to give more advice. Most times the other spouse feels unhappy, rejected, ignored or may just want some excitement in their lives. Good Luck!

Answer 4

For the most part your marriage is over, or should be. She has found this guy now and having him to talk to has given her the strength to do what she has contemplated for a while.

I know this because the same thing happened to me. She tried to tell me she just needed time to figure this out. I knew she had been talking on line so knew another man had to be involved.
The realization that your wife has so little regard for your feelings hurts very bad and takes time to get over. But you will.

In my case the other guy turned out to be even worse than me so she lives alone and I am married again.
You were married for 2 years.....try 37. Yea! not fun.
But I think it was to be as I am happy now with a woman I know will not cheat on me.

What your wife is experiencing is the romance we all have at a beginning of a relationship. It is intoxicating. Anything she says now about your past is to justify what she is doing.

If she will not see a counselor you are left with only one choice. Move on and in time find the right woman the next time.

Answer 5

YOUR MARRIAGE IS OVER!

First, you cannot leave the house it is abandonment and she will get everything.

second, start selling things on ebay, tell her you want the money for something better. sell everything you can quickly. you are about to be told to leave.

third, buy a telephone tape recorder at radio shack. you will be amazed at what you hear. then buy a baby monitor, hide the unit in a fake tree or something take the reciever in your car. you can hear inside the house around the block.

buy travel eyez on ebay. it is a cheap tracking device that tells you where her car is at all times.

document every thing you talk about, make a diary for your lawyer faithfully write in it every day. love is blind and you will forget.

find out his name first and last, where he lives, his address, his car, do a search on his hometown court on the net. this will tell you his criminal background for free. contact his ex wife she will be your best friend and your ally.

get rid of money, hide it in a strong box at the bank, watch the grocery bill, phone bills, ect.. she will be squirreling money.
and you will be paying for their hotel rooms.

come home early, leave for work late, make up excuses why you have to leave early. watch the house. video everything tape everything. it is going to get nasty.

dont let on any more than you have to that you know. this will be the hardest. give her enough rope to hang herself.

stop whining, stop begging, pleading you look weak! during an affair she thinks she has a real man.

buy some luminol like on CSI things turn florecent under a blacklight. sick huh? well this is war and she started it.

if you have children get a dna test done on each because she is a cheater and has always been.

Answer 6

Get out now! Tell her if she feels the need to find out what else is out there and is not happy in the marriage- then you cant change that. Myspace is a relationship killer- people say things on there that no one should say. Let her know you saw the site and worry about the things she said. Try spending more time with her- offer her a nite out or massages - so she realizes who she has in her life PLUS keeps her off the texting phase.
Ask her what reasons she feels the marriage is wrong- if its fixable things- go for it. Ask her if it has anything to do with walking out on her- THAT can kill a relationship. She may feel that you will do it again. Let her know it was your own insecurites about marriage that made you run away..and you realize that now. If its issues out of your control- let her go. Have respect for yourself man!

Answer 7

gosh, this chatting on the net really have bad effects on some, but not all though. are u seeking an advice on how are u gonna deal with your marriage? You have a vague ending in your comments. Anyways, as much as you love to stick with her, she already shows some hesitation in it, and since its still 2 years, i guess its better to part ways as early as now, rather than dwelling on a marriage which is only one sided, Hope u don't have kids, cause they are the more who will be affected. But since you don't mention any, i take it that u don't have any. So, my suggestion will be to let go of her and start a new life ahead.

Answer 8

You know I feel sorry for you. I am in pretty much the same situation my hisband and I have been married for 2 years too but we have know each other for 8 years almost 9 this past year has been just the pits my advice is if you truly love her and want to stay in this marriage talk, not talk at her talk to her even if you know you are right and she's totally wrong just deal with it together. Once you shut down and she knows its all over!

Answer 9

1. Its your mutual problem - you two need to sit together and resolve.

2. When we marry we have certain expectations. Think of what was your expectations. Find out what was her expectation.

3. Identify the gaps.

4. Try to fulfill her expectations. She also should try to fulfill yours.

5. Draw firm action plan.

6. Hopefully your problem would resolve.


Also get rid of her old friend. Old friend always is a miscreants. If he is not willing to get away, use muscle power. He should not see your wife. Your wife should not get opportunity for comparison.
All the best !!

Answer 10

From what youve explained you almost have to give her her space. For you it means going through a living hell but I guess you deal with it. Explain to her first that walking out and doing this means leaving potentially forever...whether youre forgiving or not enough to have her back in the house is up to you. She needs to realize that you feel its unacceptable which it is and shes not acting respectful towards you if she comes back without some kind of repercussions.
Good luck man