English Deutsch Français Italiano Español Português 繁體中文 Bahasa Indonesia Tiếng Việt ภาษาไทย
All categories

My husband and I were having a chat about what we would do if the other cheated and I said I would definitely leave because you can't stay with someone you don't trust. He said that he can't say what he would do because you don't know until you are in that position and it depends on the circumstances surrounding why I cheated. Was I wrong to feel threatened or angry by his answer? We are happily married and are buying a house so there would be no reason for either of us to stray. Why can't he say definitely what he would or would not do if put in the cheating situation? What do you think?

2006-08-09 17:15:25 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships Marriage & Divorce

11 answers

To be honest...i think he can't answer it because he knows how much he values you. If you cheated on him.... he may vary well take you back because he cares more about having you then about you cheating on him. It's actually a good thing if you ask me. If someone says they would definitely leave the other person then they obviously have already set up some barriers in the relationship that allow them to cut the other person loose. If you are capable of cutting him loose then you must have some prior baggage that allows you to say....no matter how great this guy is....if he cheats...I wont take it. Your husband may not feel that way. he may say.... depending on the situation... i may or may not take you back. Example: You cheat with his brother.... odds are..he wont take you back. Another Example: He goes away on a business trip and you go to a bar with friends. You get drunk and some guy takes advantage of you. While he will be very upset with you...he may understand that you wouldn't do this without alcohol in your system. Personally I think he gave the right answer....because he is fully aware that there will be circumstances that he can't just give a standard answer for.

2006-08-09 17:28:22 · answer #1 · answered by the_thoughtless_ponderer 4 · 1 0

Your question is a perfect example of why I would never play "what if" with my wife. Think about it. Everyone loses no matter what the answer is. Take your husband at his word when he says he doesn't know and let it go.

Hypothetically, if he says he would leave you, he might be wrong and find that he couldn't do that. But just the same, he doesn't want to say that he would take you back. That would be like giving you a free ticket to cheat on him, right?

Either way, the outcome is bad. These kind of "what if" questions should never be verbalized .

Personally, having spent 20 years married to two different women, I can tell you what I would do. I would leave a woman that cheated on me and not look back. Your husband may feel similarly, but not want to sound like a hard-*ss.

2006-08-09 19:21:10 · answer #2 · answered by homelessharold 1 · 0 0

I personally say the same thing that your husband said. The reason is because I would never think about cheating and definetly do not think that my husband would ever (we have been together for 10 years) but if it were to happen I dont know if I could walk away from all that history. You see I feel like we are all humans and humans screw up (human nature) and dont know if I could walk away because of a stupid human mistake. I cannot speak for everyone and know that people probably would not agree but I totally understand what you are saying. You would feel betrayed and hurt and I wouldnt blame you for it. I would say talk openly about this with your husband and let him know how you feel but also be open to what he has to say as well.

2006-08-09 17:32:53 · answer #3 · answered by lvb524 3 · 0 0

You know men are a whole different breed than women. We really need that reassurance that our man will remain faithful, because we simply cannot live with the notion that he might cheat forever losing our trust...because most of us would never forgive them...oh some might, but it would never be the same as we would live with the pain of that memory for the rest of our lives. Say it isn't so?

Men perhaps might look at it from the point of view that they did something wrong or failed you. I know most guys try real hard and yet they always get bashed for everything they do regardless...so cut hubby a break...he isn't saying that he doesn't love you...just that he would probably forgive you...probably...he may not you know!!! :~)

2006-08-09 18:00:20 · answer #4 · answered by Sue 1 · 0 0

Yes you are wrong to be angry with him. You asked for his opinion and now you want to be mad at him because his opinion wasn't what YOU wanted it to be? If thats the way it is why bother to include him in the conversation at all? Also lots of people think they would just leave but you really don't ever know what you will do in a situation until you live it. Do you know how many women felt the same way UNTIL it happened to them?

2006-08-09 18:25:52 · answer #5 · answered by dappersmom 6 · 0 0

You asked, "Was I wrong to feel threatened or angry by his answer.?" You felt what you felt. Your feelings aren't wrong. Who can really say with absolute certainty what they would or would not do if they were in that situation? I think you should accept his answer as the best he can give you. He's not sure what he would do and let it go.

2006-08-09 18:00:07 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

Just sounds like he's an open minded kinda guy. And no one really knows what they'd do unless they're in that situation.
Just chill and don't worry about it. Those "what if" questions are nothing but trouble anyway.

2006-08-09 17:29:05 · answer #7 · answered by queenblafalot 3 · 0 0

He's telling you that he defines your marriage by more than one mistake while you obviously don't. It sounds like you need to repeat those vows again because mistakes, no matter what they are, must be resolved within the 2 of you.

2006-08-09 19:58:21 · answer #8 · answered by WestCoastin4Life 7 · 0 0

questions like this shouldn't be asked in a relationship because of answers like this--there is no "good" answer, just a variety of bad answers

2006-08-09 17:21:44 · answer #9 · answered by Dwight D J 5 · 0 0

Maybe he's the forgiving type. I myself would leave in a minute.

2006-08-09 17:23:13 · answer #10 · answered by yooper guy 3 · 0 0

fedest.com, questions and answers