My gay friends, I've been dying to ask you.........?

Question

Okay. Are you ready? My gay friends, I am curious about something. If you don't like the opposite sex (sexually speaking only, of course) then why do many gay people tend to ACT like the opposite sex? For example, gay men are attracted to men, but many of them ACT like the gender they do not sexually prefer -- women. Same goes for lesbians. Insights?

Good heavens, if anyone takes this question as a slam against gay people, chill out. I am not judging gay people. Hardly. Lord knows I have enough logs in my own eye. I am just honestly curious. Thanks.

Some of you need to read my question more carefully.

Answer 1

It's hormones. More testosterone or estrogen in the opposite sex.

Answer 2

Well, you must talk to him and tell him that he is liable to set you off on feelings that he ought not to arouse in you unless he is willing to be serious about you and will he be? Plainly he won't so he should treat you with more respect. But as some of the other answers say, maybe he is bi and not 100% gay and if he is you must find out and if he tells you he is you need to know that he isn't just saying that so as not to upset you again. But I know it is possible because I was gay and got married and have been faithfully and happily married for 46 years so far. Don't get your hopes up! I'm very exceptional!

Answer 3

Fascinating, this question gets asked over and over (that's why you are getting slammed by the way -- I think it averages about... eh... 1 or 2 a day). I really have to make a template for this one.

OK -- You would never know my lover was gay unless he told you. You probably wouldn't know I was, unless you saw the picture of he and I on my office desk or I was wearing a gay rights pin.

BUT -- if I were 20 years younger, and alone and looking for a boyfriend -- both of the bois I can imagine liking (1 now 18, 1 now 19) are fairly feminine.

Would I not go with them if I were 20 and looking? That would be a losing bet if you made it. Both of them are gentle, sweet, smart, loving -- loyal, -- slight of build, and very handsome. If I were alone and their age -- I'd be trying for one of them 4real, I assure you.

So I am attracted to nice people who are male (means they have ***** and like their *****), regardless of whether they are masculine or feminine.

As to why some bois are feminine, I don't know -- but, I can tell you right now, there are more straight boys that are feminine than there are gay boys. Try broadening your focus. There may be and probably is some relativity, but it isn't much.

It doesn't matter to some of us. A pretty boi who loves us is a pretty boi who loves us -- and we don't have the hangups over masculinity/femininity that some straight men seem to have.

BTW -- it is also true that alot of gays are nurturers -- which is regarded by a lot of stereotypers as a feminine characteristic. Do you think that males should not be allowed to be gentle, sweet, soft, loyal, loving, nurturing and caring??? Or was the question just not well thought out, if you don't mind my asking?

Kind regards,

Reynolds
[e-mail]

Answer 4

Well, I'm a lesbian, I act and look like a woman, and I only date women who act and look like a woman. Nothing against anyone who acts or dates differently, but that's just what I prefer. And just for the record, gay people do not dislike the opposite sex, they just do not date them. Also, your question is kind of redundant because it's impossible that all gay men dress feminine and all gay women dress masculine. Haven't you noticed that a lot of gay couples have a fem and a dominant. So if they all dressed alike there would be no difference.

Answer 5

Well, it depends. I mean, if the guy is just somewhat "feminine" or the girl is just somewhat "masculine" then those are just aspects of who they are. However, there are those who are gay who if a guy dress as a girl and if a girl dress as a guy. I used to wonder about this myself, being a gay guy that's pretty happy dressing in guy clothing. What I have come to discover is that a lot of the gay people who dress all the time in clothing and make their appearance appear as though it is the opposite gender are really transgendered people. They would much rather prefer to be the other gender. Usually they can't (cost to much money, etc, etc, etc) or they have other issues that they've considered that prevent them. For example I have a friend who wanted to go from being a girl to being a boy. Not really a surprise since we'd talk many times and she dresses like a boy, etc. So she finally decided to take the steps to do this (which actually is much more complicated than I realized). Well they finally approved her to start the hormones and they were working towards the surgery. Only about a month or two after starting the hormones she started getting sick and getting rashes, etc. Well it turns out she is allergic to the pharmaceutical hormones and had to be pulled off of them (or suffer the consquences of death). So for her she was on her way, but had to stop. She still dresses and looks like a guy. And that's just one of the examples.

As for the gay man who is a little femmy or the lesbian woman who is a little masculine, well that's not actually all that unusual in heterosexual men and women. I know heterosexual women who are somewhat masculine and I've met heterosexual men (that I mistook for being gay...oops) who were somewhat feminine. What I've learned is that the femininity or masculinity of a person isn't always as clearly defined as we'd like to think. All of us are usually somewhere in the middle and we don't really notice it until it's a little more than past the middle. We recognize the "macho man" who seems overly masculine or the "girly-girl" who seems overly feminine. These are just personality traits it seems and not at all related to hormones or sexual orientation. And there have been scientific studies that say similar things.

I'd suggest finding some transgendered friends or getting involved with the transgendered community. They have excellent resources about all of this. They're a bit more difficult to find because they're blended into the gay and lesbian community (along with bisexuals and intersexed people) but they are there.

Thus the correlation between one's actions of feminine or masculine aren't directly related to sexual orientation or gender. This is probably because "feminine" and "masculine" are socialological concepts that a society and culture develop. You'd be surprised that in some cultures in the world that what one culture defines as "masculine" another culture defines as "feminine". It's all very fascinating stuff to read, if you are truly interested or extremely curious enough to read it.

That said, I'll admit I'm not attracted to guys that wear girls clothing. Still, if the guy is just feminine acting but still looks like a guy, then yeah I'm still attracted to him. Although I'm still more of a moderate person myself. I don't really like too feminine or too masculine, I like the middle area and it can tip slightly masculine (like my beloved) or tip slightly feminine. But that's my personal preference.

Anyways, hope I gave you some new insights and helped answer atleast a part of your question. It was a really awesome question. Thanks for asking it.

Peace.

Answer 6

Being homosexual is not about disliking the opposite sex, it is about not being sexually attracted to them. Just because I do not want to have sex with a woman, does not mean I hate them. I have many gay male friends that I do not want to have sex with either.

Yes, there are gay men act very flamboyant and feminine, and there are lesbians that act very manly and butch, but there many that do not. I am sure you would agree that there are also some heterosexual men that have feminine traits and some women that display masculine traits. It is called diversity, and it is something we should embrace since the world would be a very boring place without it.

Answer 7

You are comparing apples and oranges. How we act and to whom we are attracted are separate issues. Also, its normal to be attracted to someone with different characteristics than your own. You emphasized the word "act" as if you meant "putting on an act" - maybe that's not what you meant, but in most cases people are just being themselves. Some like to camp it up a little - exaggerate for fun, but for the most part how we act is part of our gender identity. Like with sexual orientation there are people at extremes but there's a whole rainbow of variations in the middle. And also, gay men may not be attracted to women romantically or sexually but that does not mean they dislike anything about the feminine form or nature.

Answer 8

I think it's not so much an issue of acting like the opposite sex, but being comfortable in our femininity/masculinity. I am a lesbian, and I'm very femme. I am a woman, I love women and I prefer (in terms of dating.....what normally attracts me) femme lesbians. That just happens to be my cup of tea. When the situation calls for it, I can also be rather butch. But that isn't the norm for me.

I would like to point out that I see a lot of straight men and women do the same thing. I see a lot of straight women who stand up for themselves, can fix the kitchen sink, do hard labor and still look beautiful doing it. I see straight men who are artists and singers and counsellors and involved with the arts, and they still look like men.

I think a lot of people still put too much emphasis on roles, and where everyone fits in.

Answer 9

Most gay people don't look or act like the opposite sex....there is a very small minority who do..but you always notice them..they are always on the news for the gay pride parade etc...but the rest of us are just regular everyday people...we often cant tell if anyone else is gay ourselves...mind you I've been married for 19 years and may not be looking to hard.

Answer 10

It's a good question. But, to answer it you need to understand a few things. Its not really about gay men acting like the opposite sex its really about simply not having to act straight any more and chucking the testosterone laden "image" of a straight man that so many straight men have their own issues conforming to, as far out the window as possible. I can't answer for our Lesbian freinds but I'm pretty sure that its along similar lines. Its not about acting anything, its simply about being free to be ourselves.

I mean, I don't need to spit or scratch my boll***ks in public anymore, how cool is that!.

:-)

Answer 11

I'm a lesbian that would be considered by some to be man(ish ) I guess. I don't wear makeup, or dresses. My hair is usually kept short and I wear t shirts, jeans, sweats and sweatshirts. I have no desire to be a man, I don't wish to look like a man. I wish to be me! I have already run through the life affirming issues of being a lesbian rather than a heterosexual, I am independent and don't need to "fit" what others expect of me. I don't have to wear certain clothes for my personality to shine. I don't need makeup to be able to love who I love. Neither do I need those things for someone else to love me for my soul, mind and body. I personally don't think I look better with makeup though if others are comfortable that way - more power to them. Neither have I ever been comfortable in dresses or skirts but then I don't see any reason why men shouldn't also be able to choose to wear them if they so desired. The women that I choose are because of who is inside. You will find that any person who is happy with who they are inside will feel free to express themselves on the outside. Some women prefer to dress more "femininely" some prefer to be "casual comfortable". Some chose to be influenced by others or their perceived societal expectation. The same goes for men. All the above is true for the gay and lesbian community. Too each his own is the dominant philosophy in the LGBT culture.
I don't hide myself, I just am and still many people don't realize I am gay until I tell them. What you perceive as blatant attempts to be the opposite gender is someone being themselves. As others have mentioned - what you see in the media does not represent our community. They (we, I'm sure some consider me to fit in here ) are a small segment but because they (we) don't fit your perception of what a man or woman should be like you notice them (us). You wouldn't be able to pick out most of the gays and lesbians in everyday life activities. There are also many who "act out" as a way of taking back the "power" of our being normal and acceptable. If we act that way on purpose it losses the power as an insult. Making those actions a mockery of what others perceive !

I'm attracted to the person, just like you: not what they wear or how they act to defend against prejudice.
In each relationship we are allowed to decide if we want it to be a dominant/subservient, masculine/feminine, or equal balance environment. It has nothing to do with gender for us, nor is it necessarily true that if you see someone you think is more feminine / masculine that they live that role in their relationships.