if your 12 yr old son found a box of condoms in your dresser drawer..and asked what your doing with them.?

Question

i'm a 31 yr old female. married. my son is 12 and was putting clothes away. he found them in my drawer. he said he wanted to know why i had a box of lubricated in my drawer. i told him it was none of his damn business. was i wrong? what would you have said to him?

to clear up a few things. we have had the sex talk. he is very aware of sex and condoms. and what they are used for. he was trying to embarress me.

ok i suppose that i was wrong for telling him it was none of his damn business.i shouldnt have cursed. but he was speaking to me like i was a child and he knows what condoms are for and maybe i should have included in my question that we have had a talk about sex...several times.but... he was asking me what i was doing with them. like i shoudnt have them and was smiling about it. no one here that has made comments so far has gotten that. i didnt think i would have to spell it all out. but there is the long and short of it.

Answer 1

Considering he was twelve he was most likely trying to embaress you or make you feel akward unless you've completely sheltered him and he doesn't know anything about sex. And if he doesn't understand what your doing with condoms then maybe you should explain safe sex. But you were right to tell him that it's none of his business because it's really not. If he gives you an attitude about it then explain to him that you are a grown woman and he is just a child and to just shut up.

Answer 2

first of all.. if your kid asks you a question, you should always answer honestly, but keep it to a point where you're not telling them too much for their age. for a 12 year old, you should be quite honest with him about sex. He's getting older now, and I bet you in about 3-4 years he'll be interested in the opposite sex (or the same) sexually, its natural. You should have sat him down and said something like, "these are condoms, I use them because when two people get together and make love, it needs to be safe because there are all kinds of diseases out there that you can catch.." Hey, its the year 2006, kids know a lot more than you think, give them a little more credit where its due.
I can only wonder what that kind of thing you said to your son would do to his self esteem.. Try to be a little nicer.

Answer 3

What secret are you trying to keep from him? That you have a romantic life that he's unaware of or that sex exists? I hope he's not 12 and completely ignorant as to what sex is. Particularly 'safe sex'. Either way.. it's really up to you how to handle things with your son. I'm just saying he's 12.. still a kid.. but things change for him as soon as he hits middle school and then an even bigger change once highschool comes around. You're going to have to start talking to him more and more like an adult. Otherwise you may ask him what's behind his back and hear "None of your damn business."

Update: Smiling? Perhaps he was just being a 12 year old then. 'You' know that you don't have to answer to him. He may not. Maybe he was just being silly? Little boys who see anything sexual get all happy and can't stop giggling. Not sure what your marital situation is, but maybe he was curious who they were for? Either way, it's probably best to try and keep your cool as there's no one else in his life that he will mirror and act like more than his parents. Especially when it comes to dealing with stress and friction.

Answer 4

You're absolutely wrong. First, don't swear at your kids. Second, never miss an opportunity to teach your kids about safer sex!

You should have told him that condoms are one method of birth control and you're taking steps to be responsible and prevent little brothers and sisters for him. Then say that condoms are also the best way to prevent STD's, something traditional birth control a girl takes can't do.

Then let him ask questions, and even if it's uncomfortable, be mature and answer them.

That's what happened when my 6 yr old found our condoms. He knows that sex makes babies, sex feels good, you don't touch your penis in front of people, and we've instilled values such as sex is only for a married man and woman. Just talk to them on their level.

Otherwise they learn misinformation from their friends (you can't get a girl pregnant the first time you do it), the Internet (female objectification), and TV (casual sex is consequence-free).

Answer 5

He's out researching it right now. His friends have already told him what it is. He is already coming up with all kinds of crazy ideas of what you do in your room at night. And yes, you were very wrong to shout at him and tell him it was none of his damn business.

If you'd explained sex, and more importantly safe sex to him, he wouldn't have asked anyway, he is 12 afterall and needs to know.

Plus, More importantly, it will affect him in a way that he will feel he can't come to you and ask you things he is curious about. That is not good in a mother/son relationship.

Answer 6

Sorry, you way over reacted! Getting upset with him was definately not the way to handle it even if you were embarassed.

At his age he should know what they are and what they are used for. Now is the perfect time to sit down with him and have "the talk". Get a book if you want and go over it with him. I was embarassed and giggly talking about some of the things but I got through it and you will too.

When kids ask about those sort of things the best response is to answer honestly and matter of factly. Give as brief an answer as possible if that is what makes you comfortable.

Answer 7

He's 12, not 6. You should explain the birds and the bees already, don't let him learn EVERYTHING from tv.

Or maybe he asked cuz your married and he's under the impression that only single people use condoms. Let him know it's a form of birth control too and you just don't want any more of him running around asking questions.

Answer 8

He is at that age that he should know what is what. I have been telling my sons for years about safe sex etc. May be time to tell him a thing or two. Nicely of course. I was talking to my sons long distance girlfriend he's 18. We were taking about birth control. My son said out loud in a shocked voice. You guys still do that. LOL

Answer 9

I think you were more startled and embarrassed so you just reacted without thinking.Your married!!there's nothing wrong with you having marital sex.I would sit him down and explain that you were startled.That you are married and it's ok to have sex(when your married)but it's best to have protected sex.That way,he understands the importance of waiting to have sex and the importance of safe sex.He needs to feel he can trust you enough to talk with you about things.So,if he ever gets in a situation where he needs advice,he knows he can come to you and he remembers,sex is ok(when your married)and safe sex is the best way to go.Good luck and don't be mad at yourself for blowing up at him.It's the most honest reaction that you could have had.But talk to him.

Answer 10

I think this would have been a perfect opportunity to have the safe sex talk. I'm pretty sure he realizes you and your husband are having sex (although he probably doesn't like to think about it). You could have just been honest, albeit appropriate, with him. However, I would have made it clear that he had crossed some pretty serious boundaries by going through your personal things.