he isolated me from all my friends and family for three years. he used emotional and real threats such as physical violence or saying he'll kill himself. it's been couple of years since it's over but i am afraid i still carry the emotional baggage. how do i know if i carry the baggage? i think even if you're well-adjusted and happy now, the signs of such trauma may show in your interactions with the others (especially in dating) without you realizing it. I really do not want this experience to hurt me or disadvantage me in any way any longer. i suffered enough. in other words, if a car hits you you can see when your body heals, but how do you know whether you healed or not from a psychological trauma?
2006-08-09 15:24:25 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker
Take time for yourself and find out who are you. I know that sounds silly but it is true. You have to find out what do you like to listen to on the radio, watch on TV, read in books.
You need to see a psychologist if you can to get back to being you.
I was in an abusive relationship for 5 years when I had enough. He was emotionally and physically abusive, as well as adulteress. I had to leave not only for myself but my sons I did not want them to grow up to be abusive too.
When I left him all these people came out telling me i needed to do this or that but I found out they were mostly wrong. It might have worked for them but not for me. I had to find out what to do one my own.
I got a restraining order for my own peace of mind. Moved to a place there were no memories of him. Then sat and thought about me. I went back to school so that my sons and I would have a future. I will be graduating next year with a degree in History and Psychology and a minor in Middle Eastern studies. I found love again with the most wonderful man we were married last year. My life is looking up and yours will be too
2006-08-09 15:39:01 · answer #1 · answered by Layla 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If you have to ask then your not healed yet.Take time for you and do whatever is necessary for you to heal.Rather it's counseling,Praying,or just moving from the place where it all went down.You have to deal with it head on cry,laugh or whatever it takes.It may take awhile to get over it,but you will.And when that times come for a new relationship don't take what happened in your last relationship with you.Because every one is different.But, now it's time for you to heal and release that person and make yourself happy.I know it's hard when you have been separated from friends and family.But they will be there when you need them if they are true friends and family members and if not someone will come into your life to see you through this difficult time.Best of Luck on starting your healing process.
2006-08-09 22:39:01 · answer #2 · answered by missmadhatter 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think you ever completely heal from something like that, and that may not be a bad thing.
What I mean is that because of your experience you will never allow yourself to be in that situation again, and will look for the signs of abuse before allowing yourself to get that close to someone.
If you feel that how you feel is interfering with any relationship, then you should seek help from a professional. They can help you past that and help you move on with the rest of your life.
Good luck with your life
2006-08-09 22:35:58 · answer #3 · answered by Joy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well an emotional cut can go on forever and even when they heal the scars remain. and you ll know when your better and long as its not happing anymore tI'me will heal. and as a member of the male race im ask you to forgive us for the way he treated you sometimes when a person is afraid of loosing someone who is dear to them they seem to be overprotective of them to the point where they being to inflect stress and pain on that person without knowing, in no way am i trying to defend him he should of never crossed that line but that's something he will live with forever. so keep your head up that god that you have the chance to heal, there is good men out there.
2006-08-10 01:09:55 · answer #4 · answered by maike j 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have been rite where you are...I also found myself asking & wandering the same things you are at this point in your life...I found my strength from within myself...I sat down with just myself & had a good cry then the anger came out,then finally the happiness in me shined thru all the dark clouds...I found that just because I had a hard life for 4 plus years it wasnt fair for me or anyone else I was going to be involved with in life to have to pay for my past...I first off found myself,learned who I was & what I was about...I learned I was a much stronger person now from what I had gone thru...So I suggest you have a sit down with your self & do the searching deep inside that you really need to do...You just mite realise that you are truly a strong remarkeable person who has a 2nd chance in life to find true happiness...GOOD LUCK
2006-08-09 22:35:58 · answer #5 · answered by sweetladynms31 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
DO NOT BECOME A PROFESSIONAL VICTIM or a martyr. Jesus called and he wants his cross back.
Victims seek abuse because they don't feel worthy of respect, even if they crave it.
Whether you feel worthy or not, you will be right. They way people treat others is a reflection of how they feel about themselves. If you feel like crap, so will other people.
Victims attract others with a variety of "projection-prone" personality disorders (savior complex, martyr complex, micromanagers, control freaks, wife-beaters, passive-aggressive types, etc) Martyrs just ASK to be abused....
Don't dump your feelings for someone and expect them to feel inspired to return them. Open up at their pace. Don't expect others to make you happy, they don't want the responsibility. It's your job to get happy with yourself, so others will be attracted to you and want to share it with you.
TRUST YOURSELF to see through the "acting" phase or the personal they portray....trust yourself to handle the truth.....trust yourself to use good judgement.....trust your intuition and gut instinct......trust yourself to ask for and require what you need from people...
Be glad your ex is someone else's problem now, you've moved on and take crap from NO ONE.
Avoid those who lack empathy. Narcissistic people are bad news....
Think all the spiteful things you want but never act on them. Take the high road and forgive him for all his shortcomings and lack of coping skills.
Lose the baggage. It's like picking up poop and sticking it in your pocket, and after a while, it stinks and other people notice it......
Get back at him by living well, mastering skills, bettering yourself, and only giving your time to guys who make YOU #1......
CHOOSE YOUR LIFE, don't let his behavior destroy it (he is not that significant or worthy).
2006-08-09 23:19:55 · answer #6 · answered by pandora the cat 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ONE DAY AT A TIME. YOUR STORY SOUNDS SO MUCH LIKE MINE. I WAS IN AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP FOR 10 LONG YEARS, AND NEVER THOUGHT I'D GET OUT OR GET PASSED IT. BUT I DID AND NOW I'M MARRIED TO A WONDERFUL MAN THAT HAS NEVER EVEN RAISED HIS VOICE TO ME IN ANGER. TIME HEALS WOUNDS, AND REMEMBER TO GIVE YOUR HEART TIME TO HEAL ALSO, LOVE WILL FIND YOU WHEN IT'S TIME. GOOD LUCK AND GOD BLESS.
2006-08-09 23:24:33 · answer #7 · answered by mcmur7 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Contact your local Domestic Abuse Center. They have free counseling.
2006-08-09 22:35:01 · answer #8 · answered by Heidi 4 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I THINK JOY C IS RIGHT . WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU HAPPENED TO ME TOO . I KNOW IS VERY DIFFICULT TO FORGET . THERE'S NOTHING I CAN SAY THAT YOU PROBABLY DIDN'T HEAR BEFORE . I JUST WISH YOU THE BEST. BE STRONG .ONE DAY YOU ARE GONNA MEET SOMEBODY SPECIAL WHO TREATS YOU RIGHT AND DON'T FORGET THAT NOT EVERYBODY IS GONNA BE LIKE YOUR EX . THERE'S ALSO GOOD MEN'S AND I'M SURE YOU ARE GONNA FIND .ONE GOOD LUCK . NAOMI
2006-08-09 23:46:36 · answer #9 · answered by sexygirl n 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
am in similar position...find I don't fear anything or anyone now...don't give a sh*t basically...am very numb...find I get used by people,but it doesn't bother me...I feel nothing anymore,not even self-respect.
2006-08-10 13:50:44 · answer #10 · answered by BellaDonna 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋