Was married for 5 years. seperated 9 months ago. Me and the wife are still friends and see each other often, but only as friends. I really long to be back with her and have told her so. Marrage was not horrible, we didnt cheat or any thing, no physical abuse ect.... Just had a hard time communicating. Really wish she was with me and cant shake the feeling. Need advice on winning her back or how to let her go. Have a girl firend now for the last 3 months. Great gal, lots of love for her... but not anything like I have for my wife. Help me pls. I'm 37 and this was my 2nd marrage.
2006-08-09 15:02:46 · 18 answers · asked by poppacat422 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I think you need to be alone for a little while longer than 9 months. You are probably not acknowledging what it is that makes the relationships go sour. You need time to step back and get a look at the big picture. Once you've figured out (and accepted) what it is that makes communication difficult for you, then you'll have a better chance of having something real.
I was in a 10 year relationship. We just didn't WANT to see the big picture. We were too afraid to admit that we were not compatible. We are both good people and we loved eachother. We just have two different views on life.
Once you get the big picture you'll be able to let her go because you'll understand what it is that doesn't work. People don't change. No matter how much you may want to change for someone, you don't (or vice versa). When it's right...when you've found your match (and everyone does have a match) it will work and it will be effortless.
Hope this helps.
2006-08-09 15:27:23 · answer #1 · answered by JKM1971 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unless your wife is interested in counseling, and trying again, you're sorta outa luck. It takes two. Be sure you get her to at least ell you, so you don't keep your hopes up...nothing worse that to be in love all by yourself. If she's not interested, then move on with someone else. You might also want to figure out what happened in those other marriages -- were you partially to blame? Most guys think they are the worlds greatest lovers, when in effect, they are really bad at it. Get some honest opinions from those wives, so you can become a better husband, friend, lover, and companion to the next lady. Learn from your mistakes...... and good luck
2006-08-09 15:14:39 · answer #2 · answered by April 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think your situation is very serious. While you may have simply told her how you feel, I think showing her is more important. If you really want this gal I say to to her and tell her what you are telling us strangers but in more detail. Tell her that you realize that you both made mistakes and that you are willing to take time needed to make things right. Talk about what you both want and then set some goals to make them real! Be there for here and reassure her that even when things get bad they will be OK. Best of luck to you all!
2006-08-09 16:18:33 · answer #3 · answered by golddustwoman_0223 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, if you have a girlfriend now "for the last 3 months" who is a "Great gal" who you have "lots of love for her", but also say that you "really long to be back with her(your wife) you couldn't have been longing that much to get back with your wife, or you wouldn't have established a relationship with someone else. If you try to win your wife back, what happens to your gf---the one you have "lots of love for?" Only you can decide which course of action to take.
2006-08-09 15:21:31 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you sat down with your wife and really truley told her how much you love her and want to work things out? Don't think that she can read your mind. Why is she not willing to work things out? Someone else or she was just that miserable together? You need to be totally honest about the situation and if she still don't change her mind, you will have to move on. Good luck to you.
2006-08-09 15:16:50 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Does she feel the same for you? Go to couseling. If not. Be greatful you can still speak to each other without wishing harm and move on. Are there kids involved? If so you'd better leave it as is - if you keep flip flopping you will screw them up worse then just admitting. We tried and we've just changed.
2006-08-09 15:06:58 · answer #6 · answered by cabinfeverjen 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Instead of trying to win her back directly, just be sure she knows how you feel, be CELEBATE AND LOYAL, and focus on being the best you can be. The fact that you're able to be with another woman, for me, is enough to say that you don't love her as much as you think you do. If I was trying to win someone back, I'd be totally devoted to that, not dating around.
2006-08-09 15:09:40 · answer #7 · answered by maynerdswife 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
u should probably let go of ur other girl friend sit down w/ ur ex-wife and tell her how u feel and that u know you've made mistakes but you would really love another chance. Its wrong to lead ur gf on any longer if you still love ur ex-wife.
2006-08-09 15:08:14 · answer #8 · answered by boyhunter21 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
try talking to her and telling her that you want more than just a friendship you want a a relationship you want to be able to communicate with each other and havwe fun and laugh together. tell her (if the split was your fault) that you are a changed manand that you feel different things for her. that you dont feel for your girlfriend.
2006-08-09 15:13:30 · answer #9 · answered by Ashlee 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Second marriage...something's not right! I understand that feeling of wanting her back, but from what you have written, it seems as if she is not feeling the same way as you are. I would let her go, and move forward.
2006-08-09 15:07:52 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋