Our son is five years old and he walked in on me and my husband having sex. We immediately stopped and pulled the covers over us but I know he saw things. Will he remember this? Will this scar him for life?
2006-08-09 14:07:17 · 37 answers · asked by luvinmjc 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
No it won't scar him for life but he probably will remember it. I think the best thing to do would be to sit him down and ask him what he saw when he opened the door, if he says nothing then don't worry. But if he says something just say something he can understand like we were having mommy and daddy time or something. Good luck, I know that is a tough situation!
2006-08-09 14:34:49 · answer #1 · answered by Muffin 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Until about 200 years ago, 99% of the human population lived in one room huts. There wasn't any privacy. Every time mom and dad had sex, the kids were sleeping in the same room, sometimes even in the same bed. If the human psyche was so fragile that one glimpse of adults having sex would scar a child for life, we'd never have survived. That's a myth spread by prudes.
But yes, having you kid walk in is extremely offputting, and can lead to difficult-to-answer questions. (Especially if your child decides to ask those questons while you're at the store, or visiting your in-laws.) Get a bolt or a lock for your bedroom door, and remember to use it.
Frankly, unless you've made a big deal out of it, I doubt your child will think twice about it. Concievably he might ask what the game you were playing was, or why you were hugging, or why you were making funny noises, or whatever, but that's simple curiosity. If you've made a big deal out of it, or if you were really upset, he'll probably have noticed that, and may be puzzled and upset about what you're upset about, in which case you'll need to reassure him. If, and only if, he brings it up by asking question like that, I suggest that you say that you and daddy were hugging because you love each other, but that it's a grown-up thing, and rather private, he'll understand once he's a grown-up, but for now he doesn't need to worry about it.
What you do need to tell him is that that there are times when you and daddy want to be alone together in your bedroom, at those times the door will be locked, and unless he's hurt or something important like that then at those times he needs to go find something else to do, and not come in. If he does need you during that time for something really important (like that he's hurt), then he has to knock on the door and say what the problem is. Show him how to do this (lock the door from the inside, have him pretend to have a splinter or whatever and knock and tell you about it), and let him know that if he does thnis and it isn't for something important, you're likely to get mad at him.
2006-08-09 15:40:54 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He will be fine. You did nothing wrong except maybe forgetting to lock the bedroom door (and that is not really wrong). If your son asks what you were doing, tell him you were getting dressed, heard him coming, and put the covers on for privacy. Do not make him feel he did anything wrong, and he will soon forget it. Every married couple has sex, and we all run the risk of our children either hearing us or barging in during the act. I tease my wife telling her that she doesn't feel comfortable making love unless the kids are in another state. We often wait until they are in a deep sleep until she feels comfortable having sex, with the door locked, lights off (in case the little ones pick the lock and walk in), and extreme quiet so she can hear them. I almost didn't get any last week when I suggested we buy radar for the upstairs hallway.
Don't beat yourself up, your son will survive, and tell him the truth. You and daddy were taking a shower in bed. Okay?
2006-08-09 17:04:56 · answer #3 · answered by Mr. Grudge 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My daughter walked in on me and my husband. I asked calmly leave and mommy will be there in just a sec. I put my robe on and asked what she need. She then asked what we were doing and I was honest to a point. I told her mommy and daddy were showing each other how much we loved each other. Her response was Oh OK. can I have a drink. Life went on. I know it wont scar him for life. After our incident we put a lock on the door. I remember walking in on my parents but I had no clue what was going on. Dad yell get the hell out. I freaked out cause I thought I did something wrong. Later I figured out what happend no biggie. You might try reading Everything your kids wanted to know about sex but you dont want them to know. Its very insightfull
2006-08-09 14:18:07 · answer #4 · answered by jagbeeton 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I walked in on my parents and I wasn't "scarred for life". I mean... i remember it and stuff....but big deal. I didn't even know what they were doing then. I only learned later when they told me about the birds and the bees. When you talk to him about it (later) just make sure to emphasize that its something two adults sometimes do when they love each other. Until then..dont worry about it.
2006-08-09 14:13:15 · answer #5 · answered by the_thoughtless_ponderer 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Chances are he didn't see much. If he mentions it just take things easy and say a little as needed. A child of 5 really won't need any detailed explanation. Just say something simple.
I suggest putting a lock on the door to prevent any more surprises!
2006-08-09 14:13:15 · answer #6 · answered by physandchemteach 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, he will remember. I know because I remember. It will not 'scar' him, but it will continue to gross the hell out of him for the rest of his life (once he understands what he saw). Right now, he does not understand what he saw. Do not stress over this. Most children actually do experience this.
2006-08-09 14:12:33 · answer #7 · answered by Queen 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When i was 5 i walked in on my mom and her boyfriend....I still remember that....but It didn't scar me for life...It's not like i think about that all the time only every once in a while...makes me laugh actually...he wont even care...So don't be worried.
2006-08-09 14:12:19 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Join the club! They won't remember anything. My son walked in on us at the same age, he's 10 now and doesn't remember a thing.
2006-08-09 14:52:48 · answer #9 · answered by ~SSIRREN~ 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There's a great book that you can start reading to him now. It will help give him a comfortable and accurate view of sex rather than distorted ideas or anxiety. I started reading it to my daughter when she was three. And so it was never a subject that was unfamiliar or strange. I asked her about that the other day and she said that it was great having sexuality be a matter of fact rather than some secret, taboo subject.
The book is called "So that's how I was Born!" by Dr. Robert Brooks. It's just like any other kids story book and handles the subject with sensitivity and helps you articulate and answer questions.
Please, check it out and you will have a guide to easing his and your anxiety.
2006-08-09 16:10:25 · answer #10 · answered by ~K~ 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋