major problems?

Question

I previously submited a question about how my wife up and left after being married with me for about 3 months, she said little arguments and the responsibility of being married where getting to be to much, and she took my 17 month old daughter with her and left, Over the past several weeks I have seen a counsler by myself to see what I could change to fix our problems and my wife just told me i need time to think. I ask her straight up if there was someone else. she assured me NO WAY. Today I found 2 love ntes in her car from a guy she works with and one she hadnt given him yet. They basically said that they were all in love with eachother and it was hard they couldnt see eachother right now like they want to ect and all kind of s***..Now she has freaked out cause she is caught, wanted to talk to me about it ect. I do love my wif, but this crushes me. Anybody got any advice on what to do? or maybe what i should tell her .

Answer 1

counseling is probably the number 1 advise you'll get from most. but consider this.. all the counseling in the world is not going to change the fact that her heart is not truely yours.
if she agrees to try again, you must recognize that she may only be doing it for the baby.
there is only one reason that a man and woman are aloud to move forward on a dissolution of marriage, and it is adultry.
you are in your right to do so according to the bible.
I am not advising you to divorce, however, just educating.
good luck with whatever decision you make.

Answer 2

I am not sure i can tell you what you should do. but i can say this. do you love her enough that you could over look the situation?
You said you've only been married for 3 months. are you confident that we were both really ready for marriage? did she truly love you at that time? i just reread what you wrote, you said she couldn't handle the small arguments, and the responsibility of marriage. so i think there is nothing you can do. She has to want to stay married,and if not you don't want her there, don't you think you deserve more from one you are with. Don't settle for anything less or you are going to be right back in the same situation. I know marriage is hard. I'm married and have been for 13years. i can tell you what i know is you will not make it if only one party is willing to save the marriage. it takes both to work on it. and it does take work. I know you are hurt, but this may be a blessing in disguise. give it time and don't make any hasty decisions yet. It is a good thing you a seeking counseling, it never can hurt. i admire you for that, most men wouldn't go. so be kind to yourself, and best wishes to you, i hope you find what you want,

Answer 3

Getting caught is not fun. But she did. It's good that she did, cause at least you know why she left. It wasn't for the reasons she told you. No one can tell you what to do. You have to decide if you still want her in your life and if you can forgive her. That is if she wants to get back together. But let me tell you. She will find out soon that she has made the biggest mistake of her life. She may think she loves this guy right now, but usually that ends in a blink of an eye. If she wants to talk to you, let her talk, but tell her exactly how you feel about what she has done to you. Tell her she should have told you the truth instead of trying to make you feel it was the marriage. It has nothing to do with the marriage, she left because of the other guy. Don't make a quick decision that you may regret in the end. Listen to what she has to say and say your peace, then you need time to think things through. There is a child involved, so make responsible decision. Good luck, hope it all works out for the best for you.

Answer 4

Not only did she cheat on you, she lied to you and denied it too. Double ouch. To take her back now would send her the message that this was all OK, and you would be letting her off the hook too easily. Sure, of course you love her, she IS your wife, but clearly the feeling is not mutual, and it takes both people loving each other for a marriage to work, not to mention trust and fidelity. You could stay married, but this will always haunt you, and you will never fully recover from it- there will always be feelings of resentment, and any time any little argument pops up, it will be the first thing to pop up in your mind, making problems very hard to solve. I hate to say it, but you should go through with the divorce, get visitation with your daughter, and look for someone who isn't going to do you dirty. Once a cheater, always a cheater. If not physically, at least emotionally, because the desire to cheat is always present, but the willpower to control it most of the time ISN'T. Good luck!

Answer 5

well i would say maybe you should let her go,because i could see maybe if she hasnt left you yet but she did and she is in love with someone else and shes probly gonna do the same to him and u were only married 3 months so you werent together that long.i would try ur best to move on.i been with my bf for 14 years after the first 7 i got so lonly that i had an affair that lasted 5 minutes and almost destroyed my life but once i explained why he started meeting my every need after that cuz he was to scared to lose me so maybe she needs something that your not giving her and when she speaks from the heart listen and try to work on your faults to .but there is a chance your not met 4 each other so weigh your pros and cons maybe you just have to take care of your baby thats most important if the life wants to be gone they say cya you dont need her anguish if she did it more than once without pitty shell do it a 1000 times over especially in 10 years from now................Good Luck
love your baby always and forever and whae she grows up never backtalk about her mom and shell look up to you for that............
Peace,Love,and Happiness
(say the serenity prayer everyday it will give you strength)

Answer 6

yo, buddy...this is not a simple situation here...your "wife" seems to think she was going steady, not married. There is absolutely NO reason to think she is going to change in the near future. What in the world does it take for you to get your pride up and say adios, amigo! Some things are easy, somethings are difficult, but in my humble opinion, this one is unforgivable...no way would I let her back into my life, and truthfully, she doesn't want back in your life. Be thankful that you have found out what kind of person she really is early in the game. I feel sorry for the current guy, he has no reason to suspect that he isn't her one true love..but no sooner will he have her "all to himself," she will be in the arms of the next guy who brings her excitement..I am trying to say this as nicely as possible, but .. there is no way to say it. Your wife is a slut of the first class. Call a lawyer, pay NADA in alimony, and I certainly hope you kept the letters for evidence. If you still want this tramp back, you need more help than is available here. Good luck

Answer 7

A cheater will always tell lies, will easily get angry for certain question and will find reason for arguments. As your wife had left you, this could be means that she already make up her mind to leave you for the other man. Why you have to suffer for this kind of woman? Ask yourself, why you love her so much? Ask her if she still love you or not. There is no happiness if you could only have her but not her heart.

Answer 8

First thing I would have done is make xerox copy of those notes and locked them up in a safe place she didn't know about. Stuff like that may can help in a divorce and custody case. Proof that she's immature and not able to handle a child, perhaps.

She's been screwing around on you behind your back. Even if she said she was serious about saving the marriage, hell, I wouldn't trust her, or the other guy for that matter.

Answer 9

This is a serious issue of trust best answered offline. Clearly you want to work things out with her, but she has been very deceptive and untrustworthy. In my opinion, if you didn't have a daughter with her, I would suggest letting her go and moving on. Since you have a child together, though, you have to try to work things out for your daughter. Being raised by just one of you will *NEVER* be as good as being raised by both of you. For her sake, seek a marriage counselor and try to work things out. Maybe if you show her you're serious about this even after her indiscretions, she'll straighten out and start acting like an adult instead of a selfish child.

Answer 10

My advice - Leave your wife, and get custody of your daughter. Once a cheater, always a cheater, and even if they do change, you will never really be able to trust her again because you will always be wondering where she is at, or if she is with someone.

Been there, done that, trying to smooth a relationship out after I was cheating on, and it has really bad bumps sometimes. Definitely sue for custody of your daughter.