My husband said.." My(husband talking) life should not revolve around you all the time...?

Question

Now, how f** is that... he said that he want to have friend outside our marriage, in which Im not against. I want him to have friends too. But knowing that he's a flirt when he's drunk, he's horny when he's drunk, he blacks out when he's drunk. So, i kinda don't trust him when he goes out. Since we got married i cut my ties with almost all my friends clubbing friends, guy friends...and all because I know he's a jealous person. Now, he is 26 turning 27, we've been married 11months, he doesn't work and he goes to school. He met some friend and most of them are girls...and now he popped this words to me that his life should not revolve around me all the time...and it's all because he wanted to go out with this girl from his class...... So, i told him...fine go....but not one on one...like just them 2...(come on now he is married to me)...he got mad and said to me....why not....HOW WOULD YOU GIRLS OR GUYS FEEL IF YOUR SPOUSES TOLD YOU THIS AND WHAT SHOULD YOU DO?

Answer 1

::::RED FLAG RED FLAG::::

first of all it seems he has some insecurities that he needs help with. after all why his he suddenly interested in being "friends" with other girls when he has you?!? that makes no sense to me. he needs to have male friends. cause well lol it'll be less stress on you.

you are not wrong in telling him all those things. i would have! its a big concern when you know your husband is a flirt outside of your marriage. that's not healthy. he needs to get over that. i mean don't get me wrong alittle harmless flirting is okay but it sounds to me as if he's looking for attention from other women.

i would be very concerned about this. after all you've only been married for 11 months. he needs to understand what was acceptable before he was married is not now. he needs to grow up.

both of you need to work on the trust thing. talk it out. try not to fight.but please please perhaps talk to a couples councilor together about it.

but yea id diffidently talk to him about expectations and trust. talk to him about what he expects of you and what you expect of him. he diffidently needs to calm his partying ways, because it sounds to me he has cheating tendencies.

goshers, good luck to you hun.

Answer 2

Wow, isn't this one going down hill fast.

You married a drunk first of all, and a jealous flirting drunk at that. Shrugs, get what you pay for.

And yea, if I told My wife I was going to hang out, by myself, with another woman, because 'My life didn't revolve around her.' Well, I'm pretty certain that even as understanding and loving as My wife is. I wouldn't have to worry too long about my life revolving around her.

I would make a point of calling up an old guy friend and setting some time go and hang out with him.

He obviously knows he ought not to be doing it, or he wouldn't be defensive about it.

If you keep down this path, its going to end badly. Find out what the hell is going on in his mind or if its just panic from losing his identity and being a husband, instead of himself.

Answer 3

He's absolutely full of crap!! He's just being a jerk and trying to get you to deny what you know is common sense. Sweetie a taste of his own medicine is the ONLY thing that is going to make him understand, so you say fine you go out with your little friend and I'll go out with my friend Mike (or whoever, just make sure its male) he doesn't even have to be real but hubby has to believe he is, then when he tries to say that is NOT ok you say oh no no no its ok for you so its ok for me, you can have things that way if you want but they will work that way for me too! When he says who is Mike tell him someone you met while he was becoming friends with his pal and he doesn't need to worry about it. If he tries to call the whole thing off say no thanks I already have plans, then you GO, even if you sit in a restaurant or at a park you let him THINK you are out having a blast with your friend Mike. This will put this to rest once and for all and it the only way, no matter what you say to him he is going to try to convince you that you are wrong and he is right because he wants to hang out with this girl. You must SHOW him the error of his ways, if he hangs out with her anyway leave his butt in the dust! This is a power play an attempt at control and wanting to see how much he can get away with before you stand up to him. If you don't now he will push it further and further until he's calling you from her house saying she doesn't feel like cooking so make me some dinner! You teach people how to treat you so teach him a good lesson right now!

Answer 4

My spouse doesn't have to tell me that; I don't expect his life to revolve around me. He needs his guy time just as much as I need my girl time.

Here's your problem: you don't trust him. Most of his friends are girls, and you don't want him to cheat on you.

Now, where is your basis for your relationship if you don't trust him? Are you constantly going to worry that he's going to cheat on you?

Learn to trust HIM.

Also, let yourself go out clubbing too! This doesn't mean that you can't go out together, but have fun with your girlfriends.

DO COMMUNICATE WITH HIM!
And I don't mean the little "it's all your fault" communication. I mean a sit-down, mature, low-toned, honest communication. That requires active listening and responding.

This means, you need to tell him EXACTLY what you're thinking. You can't expect him to read your mind.

Answer 5

That IS ******-up! He's being totally selfish! He's married, yet acts like a single guy. WTF! His BS about "my life shouldn't revolve around you" is just his excuse to go out with these girls. He doesn't have a job and would rather go out all the time (doesn't sound like a responsible person to me). What the hell? He's already 26 and married. When is he going to grow up? Save yourself a lot of trouble and kick him to the curb. He doesn't sound like he has any respect for you or your marriage whatsoever.

Answer 6

Well it is you who doesn't trust your husband. I would go out and have fun too. Let him know that what is good for the goose is also good for the gander and vice verse. Why do people sit around worrying if their partner is going to fool around?If they wanted to they will. You sitting at home miserable won't stop it. So when and if the times comes that he does fool around then is when you start to worry about it OK.

Answer 7

I WOULD BE HURT, BUT A WHOLE LOT WISER.

HAVE THE MARRIAGE ANNULED BEFORE YOU RUN OUT OF TIME....

YOU KNEW HE WAS LIKE THIS BEFORE YOU MARRIED HIM.

DID YOU THINK YOU COULD CHANGE HIM?

ONE WOMAN'S ATTENTION ISN'T ENOUGH TO MAKE HIM FEEL LIKE A REAL MAN. BEING GOOD ENOUGH FOR ONE WOMAN IS TOO MUCH FOR HIM TO HANDLE.

HE MAKES THINGS RIGHT WITH HIMSELF BY BLAMING OTHERS FOR HIS CHOICES. DON'T BE LIKE HIM.

DUMP HIM AND STAY SINGLE. LET GUYS COMPETE FOR YOUR ATTENTION.....THEY WILL BE NICER TO YOU IF THEY KNOW THEY HAVE COMPETITION.

YOU CAN'T EXPECT A PERSON TO MAKE YOU HAPPY. THAT'S YOUR JOB, AND NO ONE ELSE WANTS THE RESPONSIBILITY.

LET HIM BECOME SOMEBODY ELSE'S PROBLEM TO DEAL WITH.....YOU DON'T HAVE TIME FOR CRAP LIKE THIS IN YOUR LIFE.

FORGIVE HIM FOR HIS SHORTCOMINGS. HE CAN'T HELP IT.
THANK HIM FOR TEACHING YOU WHAT TO AVOID IN MEN.

IN THE FUTURE, DON'T MAKE ANY EXCUSES FOR THE RED FLAGS THAT POP UP. THEY DON'T GO AWAY, THEY JUST GET WORSE.

GOOD LUCK AND TAKE CARE!

Answer 8

the rules for him will be the same rules for me. i could also go out with my friends, girls as well as guy friends. if he aggrees then let it be. maybe getting married is a bad idea because he's not ready to have one and only one relationship. has to grow up

Answer 9

I would feel upset but it's true just face the fact life should not always revolve around u!

Answer 10

Sounds like he is being selfish and getting ready to tread on dangerous ground. If you believe in God give him up to God... He'll take care of him. I bet if you ignored him and went out on your own that would nip it in the bud. Hope he comes around and realizes that you are his wife and his world should revolve around the BOTH of you.