. . .to a wonderful woman for 20 years and has 3 kids has literally recently realized that he is gay. We both know of people who, although gay, have married anyway---often with disasterous results. We don't know anyone who has suppressed his sexual orientation to such a degree that he married and only later realized he is gay. Do you? How did the couple deal with this? What would you counsel?
2006-08-09 12:05:50 · 5 answers · asked by Amy P 4 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
No, no, no. I don't intend to try to change him with counselling. I accept him and love him as he is.
He and his wife are attempting to sort all this out, and figure out how to resolve all the issues this has raised for them---including how to raise 3 children in a healthy, nurturing environment instead of an angry, unaccepting environment. His wife is understandably having a rough time adjusting, but trying to understand him because he remains her best friend. My question is: Has anyone been through this and what would you advise if you have been through this situation, specifically where one partner in a marriage has only realized his/her sexual orientation after quite some time (and not simply hidden the sexual orientation, for whatever agenda)?
2006-08-09 12:53:56 · update #1
This site offer counseling in situations like your friends;
http://www.marriedgay.org/
2006-08-09 13:22:08 · answer #1 · answered by Dulcinea 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My own situation is mildy similar. I met my partner at the tail end of a horrible marriage. However, I was not so lucky to be able to just come out. I've had to stay hidden due to a psychotic ex husband. I do, though, understand all too well the late discovery of your sexuality. I had a fling with a girl in my college years but it freaked me out to the point where I said NEVER again! HA! Never say never! I'm really glad to read that this man's wife is trying to be supportive as best she can. Sounds like a tough situation.
2006-08-09 21:06:15 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm probably not the best person to answer this, as I was the other person. My best friend was married with kids when we fell in love with each other. Neither of us expected it, but it happened. I know of quite a few people who are or were married when they realized their true sexuality. If he's gay, no amount of counseling is going to change that.
2006-08-09 19:12:53 · answer #3 · answered by Paige 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I hate to say this, but this sounds like it could be the end of their marriage. There are very rare few that can overcome these obstacles: He may have difficulty resisting his urges; she may agree to let him explore that side of his sexuality. Emotion and the level of committment people promise each other, though, will likely throw a wrench into the works. He must set his resolve to commit to his marriage, make it work and ignore those fantasies. Otherwise, statistics indicate it's going to be over soon. I hope that you friend truly loves him enough to realize he's made a mistake and may eventually get over her pain.
2006-08-09 22:28:51 · answer #4 · answered by Speedo Inspector 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes, I worked with gay men who were married and they stayed married and retired and all...I used to see them out cruising for other guys..but it wasn't any of my business....as to whether they're happy or not? I dont know...I know lots of other men who left their wives and families..some stories turned out happy and some very sad....sorry didn't give you much info did i?
2006-08-09 19:19:47 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋