How do I convince him to get a vasectomy?

Question

We have two beautiful little girls with no plans for any more. I miscarried in May and he said that was for the best since he wants no more kids. But the weenie won't go and get himself fixed! I have endometriosis and my doc strongly recommends against tying my tubes (too much scar tissue) and I don't want to go under the knife again (2 laps and 2 c-sections). His mom told him he should do it. His dad told him he should do it. My dad told him he should do it. He feels that he shouldn't have to be the one to "get fixed" since he isn't actually the one who could get pregnant. Withholding sex hasn't worked either -- he can "take care of himself".

HELP!

Just a little more...

I cannot do birth control pills -- they make my blood pressure go through the roof! (last time i tried was June of this year).

I've told him how easy a proceedure it is. Told him if he was afraid of the "cut", they can use a vasoclip and just clip some plastic down there and leave it on long enough for the vas to scar and close. At least a dozen grown men, some relatives, mostly friends, have told him how easy it was and how he should do it.

Answer 1

He sounds like a selfish jerk.
I think you need to sit down, and have a serious discussion about WHY he is refusing to get this done. Reiterate all of the health risks for yourself. If he doesn't want more kids, he is going to have to get this done. He is being irrational, selfish, and unfair. If all else fails, and he still disagrees, tell him that you simply can't be with someone who doesn't even consider your health. As painful as it may be, it may be your only option.
Oh, and try withholding sex a bit longer. Him 'taking care of himself' will only last so long. He will probably get sick of it.

Answer 2

It's not just about pregnancy... some men feel very strongly about being fertile and associate that with their masculinity. The thought of a vasectomy upsets them greatly. Please be careful not to nag him; it will just make him feel further emasculated.

Have you thought about having an IUD fitted? They're very good, highly effective, and the fitting is easier than most people think. It would certainly not be traumatic compared to the kind of surgery you've had!

I've linked to a FAQ on IUDs below. Your own doctor will be able to tell you what's available to you. In any event, vasectomy is not the only option.

Answer 3

I favor with your husband - if you are so strong about someone getting fixed than you do it. I had it done and yes I was sore but there was another girl that had it done the same day I did only about an hour after. She got up and was bouncing around like nothing. Plus now days they do that procedure through your belly button. Oh I also hurt because I actually gave birth to my daughter the morning before. Oh yeah let me mention this to you also. We had a little friend (age 19) that decided he did not want kids what so ever and he got fixed. Poor thing was sore as hell and his balls swelled up so big he said it even hurt to wear sweat pants. But now he is OK and glad he does not have to worry about kids or child support.

Answer 4

I asked my husband to get a vasectomy while I was pregnant with our fourth. He was a surprise as it was. Anyway, my husband kept saying he would and didn't. Well guess what? We just had number 5, 5 months ago. Guess where he took his happy butt? That's right, straight in for a vasectomy. Bad part is, it took me having a bad c-section, infection and all, to realize how selfish he was being. I told him I wasn't going to subject my body to anymore.
I went with him. The procedure was so quick and simple. Now he is glad that he got it done.
Have your husband talk to someone that has had one. They are so much easier than us girls having to go in and get a tubal.
Best wishes.

Answer 5

Is this a marriage, or third grade? A man who prefers to let his wife take chances with her health, cuz HE doesn't get pregnant, doesn't have EITHER oar in the water. I suggest that you give him two choices. Get snipped, or get divorced. Then follow through. A guy willing to put you at risk, isn't much of a loss.

Answer 6

Try explaining the fact that it is reversible,how much more sex you 2 can have(anytime,anywhere)protection for pregnancy is not a problem,it is safer for him,relativly easy procedure with quick recovery time,it's no threat to his manliness and really play up the more sex thing

Answer 7

Maybe he just doesn't care how you feel.
Maybe he is just too afraid of "losing his masculinity".
Maybe he is just too afraid of the surgery....
Doesn't he look forward to unlimited worry-free sex with you?
Make him start taking care of you orally.
Then whip out a dildo....
Make him wear a condom.
Remind him that if you have this surgery and die, he has to cook, clean, take care of the kids, and everything else you do now, plus "take care of himself".
Maybe he's not man enough.....

Answer 8

you cant convince a man to get a vasectomy, he sounds insensitive and obnoxious. you had the babies, were pregnant and already made numerous sacrifices, now its his turn. its a simple procedure done in 15 min in an office most times. its a 3 day recovery for a man and 6 weeks and major surgery for a woman. smack him upside his selfish head and tell him you'll do it yourself if he doesnt go get it done.

Answer 9

I have endo and was told the same thing by my doc. Therefore I went and bought my own sex toys and will not let him touch me untill he gets fixed. We have lost 10 pregnancys together and I'm not doing it again.
Good luck to you.

Answer 10

Start taking some pills, so that you don't get pregnant. Keep talking to him about the operation. Maybe show him some articles about it. Get him to atleast talk to a doctor.